


Possession

by Forevermore_Fiction



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (Not on purpose they just turn out that way), Alternate Universe - College/University, College!AU, Dameron-Solo kids, DarkPilot, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Finn-Rey kids, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, JediStorm, JediStormtrooper, Non-Consensual Drug Use, OC, OOC, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Out of Character Ben Solo, Out of Character Rey, Plot, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Straight Sex, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, childrens, fun stuff, not a lot but still, psycho!hux
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:58:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 82,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6454783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forevermore_Fiction/pseuds/Forevermore_Fiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A College!AU fanfiction for Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens. JediStormtrooper, and DarkPilot. Rey and Ben are cousins in this fanfiction (for the purpose of the story). NSFW content! Mention of sex, drug use, other adult content. If you are sensitive to any kind of hard drug use or even IMPLIED intention of non consensual actions, this story is probably not for you!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Identify

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Hello, welcome to this new story! For anyone who was reading the Phantom of the Opera story that was posted earlier in March, I apologize. I haven't done much work with it since the second chapter was posted, and I don't know if I will continue it. Anyway, this new story is a College!AU for The Force Awakens! I hope you enjoy this first chapter, but be warned, there is a lot of NSFW in this, and I mean it, I say a lot more than I did in Shades of Blue which was also supposed to be NSFW. This is really NSFW compared to that! Enjoy!

"Oh, Rey, we shouldn't," Finn whispered, grabbing her hand. He could hear the muffled music playing from his dorm room and it was making him have second thoughts about bringing Rey here.

Rey stopped and looked back at her friend. "Why not?" she questioned. Finn pulled her out the way as two girls walked up to the door and knocked.

"There will probably be drinks here, and I don't want to get caught," he told him softly. "The both of us are underaged…"

"Yeah, but we won't get caught," Rey chuckled. Finn bit his lip nervously. "And Poe's twenty one, so he can buy alcohol, it's not illegal."

"But on campus, you're not allowed-"

"Finn, it'll be ok," she told him. "Come on, Poe always invites us to his parties, but we never go. It's your dorm room too, Finn, you should be co-hosting! And besides, he throws parties like this all the time and the staff don't care."

The door to the room opened. "Hey, babes, come on in," Poe said happily. He saw Finn and Rey and grinned. He was more than a little drunk, he had been for about an hour. "Hey soldier, come on in, what're you waiting for? You're already super late!" Finn glanced at Rey nervously and went to the door. Poe pat his shoulder and took Rey's hand gently. "Good to see you, Rey." He kissed her hand and she rolled her eyes, pulling it back. He laughed.

Rey stepped in and went to Finn. Poe closed the door and Rey looked around, seeing the room was filled with people dancing and drinking. And kissing. "Yeah, good to see you too," she agreed, smiling.

"Can I get you two something to drink?" he asked, going over to his table and grabbing two bottles of beer.

"W-We can't drink, we're under-aged," Finn reminded him.

"I'll take one," Rey told him. He handed the bottle to her. Finn glared at him, then at her as she took a drink. "Come on, Finn, everything will be ok, just relax and have fun!" She took his hand and tried to dance with him.

A few girls came over to Poe and started telling him how much fun the party was. "Hey, you two, have fun," he said to Rey and Finn. "I have to tend to my other guests. Feel free to do whoever, whatever." He winked and went off with the girls.

Finn blushed and Rey just laughed. "I-I'm sorry, that's not, um… something he should have-" he tried.

"Finn, it's fine," Rey told him, trying to dance with him.

Finn gulped and looked at her. "R-Rey, I'm sorry, I don't want you to think I'm no fun, I just don't want anything to happen that would make you hate me," he told her. "I-I just… really like you… but you think I'm a complete dork…" Rey leaned forward and kissed him, shutting him up.

"You are a complete dork, but I love that about you. Come on, Finn, it's a party, loosen up and have fun," she grinned, putting her hand on his shoulder and dancing up to him a bit. Finn looked shocked, having not expected to be kissed. He had been trying to get to first-base with Rey for a long time, and he could see Poe across the room, giving him a thumbs up and waving his hand. It took Finn a minute to realize he was trying to tell him to keep going.

He touched her waist and started dancing with her. Rey smiled and kissed him again. He pulled away for a moment. "W-Wait, why do you keep doing that?" he asked, wanting to make sure he wouldn't look like an idiot at the end of this.

Rey raised an eyebrow. "D-Don't you want me to?" she asked, taking a sip of her drink and smiling.

"N-No, yeah, yes! Yes, I totally want you to… kiss me," he stammered out. "B-But, are you… do you like me, like that too?" Rey answered him by kissing him again. Finn's hands hesitantly found their way to Rey's waist again.

Poe wolf-whistled from across the room. "Get a room, you two!~" Finn pulled away from Rey and looked at Poe, blushing. Rey took his hand and started gently pulling him to his bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

Rey fell onto Finn's bed and smiled up at him. He was looking around, avoiding all eye contact. "W-What are we… um, what are we doing in here, Rey?" he asked. Rey sighed and stood up, running her hands up his chest and kissing him deeply. He sighed into the kiss and touched her waist again. It wasn't until Finn felt her hands playing with his belt that he pulled away. "W-Woah, wait a second, what are you doing?"

Rey tried hard not to let her panic show. She bit her lip and pulled on his belt loop with her finger, pulling him to the bed. "Well, Poe told me that you want to be with me," she explained. Finn turned red, making a mental note to never tell Poe anything ever again. "I know you, Finn, I know that you always think of other people before yourself. So I knew I was going to have to take this into my own hands." She pushed Finn onto the bed carefully.

"O-Oh… um…" he started. She leaned down and kissed him again, climbing over him. He wasn't complaining about this situation- not at all, he had been waiting for this for months -but Rey was right that he thought of other people first. As much as he wanted this, what if Rey didn't? What if she was just doing this to make him happy. He moved back for a moment. "R-Rey, we don't have to… t-that is, you don't have to… if you don't want to, I-I mean w-we can wait, if you want?"

Rey was working on pulling his shirt over his head as he said this, and now she threw it aside. "Do you want to wait?" she questioned him breathlessly, crossing his arms in front of her and pulled her shirt off, throwing it aside. "Because I don't." She unclipped her bra carefully and pulled it off.

He shifted under her and grunted. "F-Fuck no, I don't," he blurted, trying to sit up. She pushed him back down and started kissing his neck, reaching down to unbuckle his belt with one hand. "B-But, Rey this isn't too fast, is it?"

She glanced up at him. "Finn?" she sighed. "Please relax. I want this, you definitely want this…" She pulled open his belt and started unzipping his pants. "So just relax and know that I'm okay with this." She moved down a bit to remove his pants, which he kicked off before pulling her down and kissing her deeply.

She hummed and kicked off her loose pants, getting back on top of him. He grunted and grabbed her hips, rolling her down onto him. She gasped, causing Finn to move back. "I-I'm sorry was that too rough?" he asked, worried.

Rey responded by leaning down and nibbling at his ear a bit, making him hold onto her tighter. "Finn, I'm going to suck your cock," she breathed into his ear. He groaned a bit, arching his back upwards. "Hold on, I haven't finished. I'm going to suck your cock, then I'm going to ride you until I cum." She didn't wait for an answer, although she heard him moan out her name. She crawled down until her face was in line with his crotch, placing a kiss on his briefs. "Can you move to the edge of the bed, love?"

She moved off of the bed and onto the floor, getting onto her knees. He moved as quickly to the edge of the bed as he could, sitting on the edge. "R-Rey, you're acting so… bold," he told her. "It's different…"

"Can you take off your underwear?" she asked calmly. He hastened to get them off and throw them aside. "Is it a good different, or do you not like it?" She grabbed the base of his erection and running her hand up it, causing him to suck in a breath.

"Oh fuck yes," he mumbled. "I-It's, uh, uh a v-very good different." Rey chuckled and didn't waste anymore time before sinking her lips onto him. "Oh, sweet jesus!"

Rey hummed around him, making him grip for the sheets and whimper, his eyes clenching shut. Without thinking he grabbed the back on her head and gripped her hair a bit. He opened his eyes slightly and saw her hand reaching down to touch herself and he couldn't hold back the choked groan that tore from his lips.  
\---

As soon as Poe heard Finn moan 'Oh, sweet jesus!', he knew that the mission was accomplished. He laughed a bit to himself and moved away from his friend's door, going back over to the couch where he had left two very pretty ladies waiting for him. Most of the people had left, and now only the two girls were here, both of them a bit more than tipsy.

He sat down between the two girls and they immediately moved closer, touching him wherever they could. "That's so cute that you played matchmaker for your friends," one of the girls cooed as she placed a hand on his bare chest.

"It's not fair that they took the bedroom," the other one sighed, sliding a hand up his thigh.

That kind of comment was the type that made him want to throw his head backwards and groan in pure annoyance. He hated the fake little complaints to make him have to suggest that the three of them fuck on the couch. He hated hooking up with people. He wanted one person to just tell him straight out when they wanted to do it, and then just do it. And he wanted it to mean something…

Instead he smirked a bit, keeping up his calm, cool-guy demeanor. "Well, I do have a couch~" he chuckled. "And we're already on it, and I don't think Finn will care if I get it a little bit messy~" The two girls giggled and started kissing his neck. Now that they were distracted and couldn't see his face, he frowned and closed his eyes. 'Just pretend it's him, Dameron, stay cool…' It was so wrong that he was thinking about the boy across the hall while he was having sex with two beautiful women… it certainly made him look like a selfish prick. Which he was, he had to admit-

"Do you like that?~" one of the girls purred as her hand found it's way to his crotch.

He hummed and opened one eye. "Yeah, I like that~" he told her. He closed his eyes again as the two girls went down on him. He could hear that Rey and Finn had started going at it… rather loudly, at least on Finn's part… so he figured now would be a good time to at least pretend he was getting what he wanted in this situation. It wasn't hard to imagine that it was his mouth instead of the girls'. He tangled his fingers in one of the girls' hair, imagining that it was curly and black like his, imagining that the mouth was just a little bigger, lined with his plump, pink lips, imagining that the mouth on his balls was his large hand, imagining it was fucking Ben-

"What?" the two girls questioned, looking up at him.

Fuck, had he said that out loud? "I-I said do that again, with your teeth," he lied. They giggled and nodded, started again. He groaned out, careful that only in his head was he calling out for Ben, Ben, fucking Ben!

Nope, okay, this was too much. "Fuck, one of you get up here so I can eat you out," he mumbled. That should distract him from thinking about Ben... "Actually, both of you get up here, one of you fuck yourself on my cock and one of you sit on my face." They both pulled away from him and got back onto the couch as fast as they could, quickly deciding who would be where. "Get a condom out of the drawer, sweetheart." The girl who was directly above him giggled as he grabbed her thighs and pulled her down onto him, starting to suck on her lips. She moaned out and he could feel a condom being rolled onto him and the other girl mounting herself onto him. He grunted into the girl above him and grabbed her hips to put her at a better angle.

He honestly felt disgusting, sickened, confused. This familiar situation, every boys dream, felt wrong, yet again.  
\---

Ben was watching Hux patiently. It shouldn't be too much longer before his roommate would pass out in his chair. Of course, Ben would have to take his cigarette and put it in the ashtray, and would have to take his- third? Fourth? -possibly fifth glass, now drained of gin and tonic out of his hand and put it on the desk. But after that, he could leave and make his delivery. He had heard most of the people leaving a while ago, and just a few moments before, he had heard the last two people leave. Hux was always weird about letting him go to Dameron's on his own, but when Hux went with him on any sale, it got weird and he would get all nitpicky about how he was choosing to go about it. It was fucking weed, you show the bag, you take the money, and you leave and pretend nothing happened. But Hux thought he should be more diplomatic about it and make sure they're satisfied. Fucking business majors...

He heard the glass hit the floor before he saw it. Luckily the carpeted room lessened the blow and it just rolled slightly, leaving a few drops of alcohol in it's wake. Thank god Hux wasn't staying awake, he really didn't feel like hurting him tonight, even if he asked for it on his knees. Ben shuddered and got up, picking the glass up off the floor and setting it on the desk. He gently plucked the cigarette from between Hux's fingers and crushed it in his ashtray. Carefully, he backed towards the door, grabbing the brown paper bag off the kitchen table and turning.

He had barely reached the door handle when he heard his roommate grumble something. He quickly threw the bag back on the table and pretended to look for something in his jacket. "Will you get me another drink?" Hux slurred at him.

"No," Ben told him. He found his pack of cigarettes in the pocket of his jacket (thank god he had left it there) and pulled out a cigarette. He brought it to his lips and lit it.

"Why not, love?" Hux grumbled, leaning back in his chair and sighing.

"Because you're a fucking alcoholic, and I have to suffer for it," Ben explained shortly. "Go to bed."

Hux groaned. "I like it when you talk down to me~" he whimpered, biting his lip. Ben glared at him. "You're right, I am an alcoholic, I'm so naughty~"

"For fuck's sake…" Ben mumbled, going to the window and opening it. He leaned out and sucked on his cigarette.

"I need to be punished for being so naughty~" Hux purred, standing up out of his chair.

"Maybe," Ben said. "I think punishment for you is like being rewarded. Maybe I should punish you by denying you what you want." He hoped that worked. He could see Hux frowning in concentration, trying to figure this out in his drunk mind, swaying from side to side.

"B-But no, because I don't want to be punished. I deserve punishment," he explained. He saw Ben just glaring at him, so he dropped to his knees and crawled over to him. "Do you want me to beg for it?"

"N-No," Ben tried. "Beg for what, to be punished? Do you know how fucked up that is?" He knew he should shut up, that Hux took pleasure from being shamed, but he was panicking a bit, frantically trying to get out of this. He knew that once he was in, he couldn't get out. Their 'safeword' was always ignored. He was the only one to ever use the safeword anyway…

Hux leaned up and started kissing his pants, making obscene, wet noises. Ben grunted. He never minded this, this was fine. It was after this, when Hux wanted to actually bleed from being so abused. That was too much… "Ngh… no, Daddy, do you want me to beg to choke on your cock?~" he purred.

Ben rolled his eyes a bit, leaning his head back against the window. "Fine…" he mumbled, sucking on his cigarette.

"Please, Daddy, I want you to fuck my face with your big cock~" Hux whined. "I want you to make my throat raw and make me swallow your cum-"

"Just fucking do it," Ben snapped. He closed his eyes and heard his zipper being pulled down and felt his jeans tugged down from his hips a bit. He bit his lip a bit and groaned, feeling Hux's tight lips close around his cockhead and suck. He brought his hand down to Hux's bright red hair, cigarette still between his fingers, and pushed his head forward. Hux gratefully let himself be led until the back of his throat was hit. He tried to pull back but Ben kept his head still. "Fuck, you fucking begged for this, whore, you're going to fucking take it! All of it!" Oh, yeah. Saying shit like that probably didn't help his situation….

Hux whimpered, tears forming at the corners of his eyes, and Ben thrust himself all the way into his mouth, feeling his head slide down Hux's throat. He grunted and pulled out a bit, thrusting back in, out, back in, and so on. Yeah, this definitely wasn't helping the situation at hand. He pulled himself out of Hux's mouth all the way and grabbed his face in one hand. "Keep your fucking mouth open." Hux whimpered and opened his mouth to let Ben cum onto his tongue. "Now fucking swallow. You don't get to cum tonight."

Hux looked distraught, closing his mouth and swallowing what he was given. "P-Please, Daddy, I want to cum," he begged.

"Nope, I came too quickly, you didn't do what I wanted," Ben said quickly, putting himself back into his pants and zipping himself back up. "I'm going to go find someone else who does what I want." He could see that Hux looked groggy anyway, ready to pass out. He went to his desk and grabbed the half empty bottle of gin, leaning his head back and gulping some of it down before handing it to Hux. "Here, drink yourself to sleep."

While Hux got in his bed with the bottle, Ben quickly grabbed the paper bag off the table again and left their dorm. He felt sick. Hux and he weren't dating, they weren't an exclusive couple. Ben just had no choice or he'd be the one on the losing end of things. He quickly knocked on the door right across the door.

After a few moments, Poe opened the door, a towel wrapped around his waist, rubbing a smaller towel through his hair. The man froze for a second, then smiled. "H-Hey, neighbor," he said. "What's up?" Ben cleared his throat carefully, holding up the paper bag. "Oh! Right, yeah, come on in!" He opened the door a little wider. Ben never really said much when he delivered, he usually just stood there all beautiful and dark and mysterious… Wait, what?

"Could I chill here for a bit?" Ben asked calmly, handing him the bag.

Poe jumped. "W-What?" he questioned. "W-Why?"

"Hux might beat the shit out of me," he told him honestly, looking towards his door.

Poe didn't know what to say. "U-Um, yeah, sure, you can stay the night if you want," he told him, closing the door carefully and taking the bag from him. "You can take the couch- wait no, you can take the bed, I just used the couch." Ben looked at him. "A-Actually, fuck, Finn and Rey are in the bedroom, so that might be kind of weird if you-"

"Rey?" Ben questioned. "Like, my cousin Rey?"

Poe's face paled. "Shit, bro, I didn't know she was your cousin…" he said honestly. Ben sucked on his cigarette deeply. "Sorry, if that's… weird…"

" 's fine," Ben mumbled, looking at his cigarette, then at Poe. "You still have to pay me."

"Fuck! Sorry, I forgot," he said, going into the dorm. He opened a drawer and counted out one hundred. "Hey, I only have tens, is that ok?" He turned and saw Ben sit on the couch. "Um, I just had some people over… like some girls…" Ben looked up at him. "I uh, I fucked two girls tonight… on that couch…"

"Two?" Ben asked, raising an eyebrow.

Poe gulped. "Y-Yeah," he said.

Ben looked down. "Wow… I thought you were gay," he said honestly. Poe blushed red and walked over, handing him the money. Ben took it, counting it carefully and putting it in his pocket. Poe went over to the drawer again and pulled out some rolling paper. He went to the kitchen and started rolling a joint.

"Hey, you want one?" he asked.

"Sure." Poe rolled another joint for him and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to him and handing it to him. He pulled his lighter off of the coffee table and lit his joint carefully. He noticed that his hands were shaking and he inhaled the smoke hastily, hoping it would calm his panicked nerves. He held the lighter out for Ben, who took Poe's hand with the lighter, holding him still while he lit his joint as well. Poe practically melted under his touch. Too soon, it was over, Ben let go of his hand and pulled the joint away from his lips, blowing out the smoke. "I thought you were gay," he told him again.

Poe coughed a bit. "Um… no, I'm uh, straight," he told him softly.

"Convincing," Ben mumbled, smoking the joint. "What's it like?"

"What, being straight?" Poe questioned, confused.

"Being with a chick," he clarified. "I play for both teams except…" He sucked on the joint, blowing out the smoke as he continued. "...I've never fucked a chick before."

"S-So how do you know you're bi, then?" Poe asked.

Ben shrugged. "I made out with a girl once, in high school, and it gave me a boner," he explained. "Plus I've had crushes on girls."

Poe frowned. "Well then you're straight?" he tried.

"Hm… no," Ben hummed. "I've fucked a lot of guys. I get just as excited about some guys as I get about some girls."

"You've fucked a lot of guys?" Poe asked quietly. Ben hummed in agreement, continuing to smoke. "What's that like?"

"Different than getting fucked," he told him.

Poe frowned. "What's that like?" he asked, taking a quick drag of his joint.

Ben glanced at him. " 's nice," he mumbled. Poe nodded, looking down. "So you're straight then…"

"Y-Yeah," Poe mumbled.

"Really?" Ben said.

"I mean, I've never been with a man, I've never really looked at a man, I guess," he rambled. He trailed off as Ben stood up. Damn, he was tall and so fucking beautiful… What?

"Have you ever thought about another guy while you were sleeping with a woman?" he asked him, pulling his shirt off over his head. "Have you pretended you were having sex with a man when it was a woman?"

Poe's face turned red and his mouth fell open. "Fuck… I-I mean, yeah, once or twice, yeah," he stammered, taking in the view of Ben's gorgeous bare chest. Under his clothes, Ben was very muscular, and Poe could see just the slightest bit of dark hair just above the the hem of his jeans. "I-I mean most times, every time, yeah..." He bit his lip, watching Ben pull down the zipper of his jeans.

"And you think you're straight?" Ben mumbled, putting his joint between his lips so that he could focus on pulling his jeans down, letting them drop to his ankles. Poe was staring at him with wide, interested eyes, his mouth gaping. Ben stepped out of his jeans and back to the couch. He touched one of Poe's legs, pulling it up over his own leg, letting his towel come undone a bit. His other hand tilted Poe's chin up a bit so that he could start kissing at his neck.

"I-I…" Poe started, his eyes closing and his hand running up Ben's arm. This was a dream… this had to be a fucking dream, he had never felt this good in his life….

"I'm not convinced that you're straight," Ben breathed against his neck, his breath hot, burning Poe's skin. "I think you might be the gayest man I've ever met. And also the boldest. But not right now… why are you holding back, when you obviously want me so badly?" He grabbed Poe's hips and pulled him closer to him.

Poe looked at him, his face flushed and innocent. Ben's face was red, all the way to his ears, and his eyes were filled with so much want. It took a minute for him to take in what Ben had said, then he gulped and glanced down to where his towel had fallen, draped over the couch but leaving him bare, showing that he did, in fact, very much want Ben. Badly. He looked back up at Ben. And had he said something about not being bold, about holding back? He took that as a challenge. He grabbed the sides of Ben's face gently and leaned down, kissing him deeply. Ben hummed and kissed him back, pulling him up so that he was straddling Ben's lap. Poe gasped and ran his hands behind Ben's head so that he could run his fingers through that hair that he had wondered at for what seemed liked forever. While he kissed those gorgeous lips he had been wishing to feel for ages, and finally getting to feel that hot tongue on his own and taste the man he had been dreaming of for years. He sighed into Ben's mouth as the larger man's hands ran over his bare ass and squeezed.

"Have you ever thought about me when you've been with women?" Ben questioned him, pulling back for a moment.

Poe gulped. "Every time…" he admitted. Ben leaned forward and kissed him again. "God, yes, every woman for three years, I've wished it was you touching me…"

"Good," he breathed, only breaking the kiss for a moment. "I've touched myself thinking about you every night for three years." Poe moaned and pulled him back into another needy kiss. Ben gratefully kissed him back. After making out with him for a few minutes, Ben moved them so that Poe was laying underneath him, still so close to him, still touching him…

He heard a door open and he pulled the towel around Poe a little, turning and seeing Rey looking very shocked in the bedroom doorway. "O-Oh, h-hi Ben... I-I'm sorry, I was just going to get some… water, sorry," she stammered, going to close the door.

"Hey, kid, do you have any lube in there?" Ben questioned quickly, sitting up and stretching a bit.

"Holy shit, you didn't just ask me that…" Rey groaned, turning red. "Are you high?"

"It's just weed, don't worry. Lube would be super helpful, kid," he pressed.

"Jesus…" she sighed, going into the room, mumbling something to Finn, then coming back out and tossing him a bottle. He caught it with a quick 'thank you'. "Whatever, just keep it down, alright?" She closed the door quickly

Ben just chuckled and he uncovered Poe, kissing his neck and running his hands along his waist and hips, finally reaching between them and touching Poe's erection. Poe made a noise without thinking and buried his head into Ben's shoulder to muffle his noises. "Don't worry about being loud," he told him. "I can deal with Rey." He sat up a bit and pulled his briefs down, kicking them off after a bit of struggle. He looked back and saw that Poe was staring at his cock with wide eyes. He chuckled. "This is going to be inside of you soon." Poe shivered and whimpered a bit.

"It's so big…" he breathed. He gasped a bit as Ben's fingers started reaching around to his bottom.

"It's gonna hurt a little, since it's your first time. But I'll take it slow, I'll be gentle, I promise," he breathed into his ear. "Believe me, after a few minutes it's going to feel so fucking good…" He started touching Poe after lubing up his fingers a bit, and he swore that the noises the man under him was making were the most beautiful sounds that he'd ever heard.  
\---

Rey was laying against Finn's chest, frowning deeply. The couch was creaking loudly and they could hear loud noises from both men involved. "Do you think we were that loud?" she asked Finn with a sigh.

Finn chuckled. "No. Well, you weren't. I might have been, you were fine," he told her.

Rey huffed. "I told him to keep it down," she mumbled. "He's going to get it in the morning, I swear…"

"You told Poe?" he asked.

"No, I told my cousin, I know Poe does his own thing," she explained. She closed her eyes, feeling tired and hoping she could sleep through the racket.

"Ben's your cousin?!" Finn hissed. Rey let out a soft 'mhm' of agreement. "Damn, I had no idea, I've been shipping them together for months…"

"You've been doing what?" she yawned, not understanding half of what he had said.

"Never mind," he said quickly. "It's just cool that they hooked up after all…" He rubbed her back gently, smiling as she drifted to sleep on his chest. "Pretty cool that we got together, too."


	2. Uncertainties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to get out! I think I might be able to get out at least a chapter every week. Next week is school break, so I might manage to get more than one, though! Anyway, this chapter has lots of NSFW talk in it, Ben being impatient in public and having no filter, Hux being a bad person, and cute JediStormtrooper! Enjoy!

Poe opened his eyes and groaned, rolling onto his stomach to keep the setting sun out of his eyes. Fuck, he had slept through the day… Last night had been a long night indeed… Last night… the memories crept into his mind and filled him with glee. He had gotten with Ben! Ben! Wait, where was he? He sat up a bit and looked around, seeing Finn doing something in the kitchen. He sat up and sighed. "Hey Finn?"

"Oh, hey, you're finally awake," he chuckled. "What's up?"

"D-Did… um, did you see Ben?" he asked nervously. "Like, was he here when you woke up?"

Finn hesitated. "N-No…" he told him. "He was already gone when Rey and I woke up… sorry."

"Oh…" Poe mumbled. "T-That's fine… I mean, whatever…."

"He didn't wake you up to say goodbye?" Finn questioned. Poe shook his head, looking down a bit. "Damn… I'm sorry…" Finn set down the cup he had been washing and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to his friend. "That sucks, bro…" He rubbed Poe's back, wanting to comfort him.

Poe sighed a bit to himself, grabbing the blanket wrapped around his waist and holding it tightly. "Well, whatever…" he sighed, trying to seem like it was no big deal. "What time is it anyway?"

"Five," Finn told him. "Rey should be back any minute now."

"Alright, alright," Poe chuckled. "You don't have to tell me twice, I'll get out." Finn frowned, opening his mouth to say something. "I'll get out of your hair so you and Rey can have sexy time."

Finn blushed. "O-Oh, uh, thanks," he mumbled.

"Hey, how was it?" Poe asked, going into the bedroom to get dressed. "Did she give you head?"

"P-Poe!" Finn hissed, blushing even more.

"What?" Poe asked, pulling on his jeans and walking out of the room.

"That's super personal!" Finn said. Poe smirked a bit. "But yes…"

"Nice, dude!" he laughed, walking over and patting him on the back. Finn crossed his arms. "Hey, you tell me about your sexcapade, I'll tell you about mine?"

"No!"

"I gave Ben head," Poe grinned.

"Poe, I don't want to hear about you having sex, I already heard it all last night!" he sighed.

"Was she good?" Poe asked, ignoring the comment as he sat next to his friend. Finn leaned back on the couch, accepting that he wasn't getting out of this.

"Yeah…" he sighed. He covered his face with his hands. "Fuck, yeah, she was so good."

"Yeah? What was she like?" Poe pressed, pulling Finn's hands away from his face.

"I dunno," Finn mumbled, looking down. "She was really sexy… like, really really sexy... Why do you want to know, Poe?"

"Man, you've been trying to get with her for, like, forever, I have to know if it was everything you dreamed of!" Poe laughed. "Was it worth the wait?"

"Of course it was worth the wait, it's Rey, I'm completely in love with her," Finn told him. Poe stared at him.

"Seriously?" he asked after a minute.

"Yes, why is that a surprise?" Finn questioned.

Poe sat back. "Holy shit," he breathed. "That's intense! Alright, you gotta keep telling me. She was sexy, what was she doing that was sexy?"

"Poe-"

"How did you do it, did you have her on her back? Or like, on her hands and knees?" Poe cut him off. "By the way you were so fucking loud, Finn, so you can't just give me vague answers here, I want to know how you fucked her and everything! How did she like it?"

"S-She rode me," Finn mumbled, glancing up at him. "She took control- but it wasn't bad! It was super hot. And we kissed a lot which was nice… then after she rode me for a while she seemed tired so I kinda took control and like, turned us around so she was on her back. And I kind of kept it slow and steady I guess, I-I dunno, Poe. This is super weird, man."

"Alright," Poe laughed. "I guess you don't have to tell me any more." He stood up and went to grab a shirt.

"You gotta tell me about you now," Finn called to him. "If you don't I'll punch you."

"I'm terrified," Poe teased.

"Seriously though, you finally realized that you're gay, what happened?" Finn asked.

"Well. He came in here all buff and handsome and stuff," Poe said. Finn rolled his eyes. "We started smoking pot and talking about stuff. He said he thought I was gay, and I didn't really know what to say. So he stood up and totally stripped for me, Finn, it was fucking incredible, I've never seen anything that sexy in my life." He tipped his head back and sighed. "He was all fucking muscle, and he had a few scrapes and bruises from working in the shop on his arms, and he's got a bandage on his forearm and band-aids everywhere stuff like that and I didn't feel like I had to be gentle or careful because he's just so fucking tough and rugged and it makes him seem so experienced and like he can deal with being man-handled a little…"

"Poe," Finn said, holding in a laugh.

"No, wait, there's so much fucking more," he said, going to the couch and sitting next to Finn again. "So he gets on the couch and started kissing my neck and touching me and stuff and holy fuck I was so fucking hard." He bit his lip. "And then he kissed me… oh my god, his lips are a gift from God, I'm telling you! He started touching my ass-"

"Poe, I definitely didn't give you this much detail," Finn tried. "You need to go find him, like, now."

"I'm going to," Poe laughed, getting up. He looked up as Rey came through the door.

"Hey, boys," she greeted, setting her bag on the table. "What are you two gossiping about?"

"Our sex lives," Poe blurted. "Speaking of which, is Ben still in the shop?"

Rey glared at him a bit, then smiled. "Yes, he's staying late," she told him.

"Cool, thanks," he smiled, getting up and grabbing his jacket. "I'll be back a little later. Finn, I call the bedroom tonight!"

"Poe-"

"You got it last night," Poe pointed out. "Just pull out the couch-bed, it's big enough, I promise." He winked at Finn, who just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry about it, Poe," Rey said. "You can stay in my room tonight, Finn, we'll leave them be." Poe pat her shoulder in thanks and left quickly.

Poe made his way down the hall and down the stairs towards the back door. He stopped before opening it to check his reflection in the window. He ran his fingers through his hair and fixed his jacket on his shoulders, then opened the door and walked out towards the auto-shop.

He spotted Ben, bent under the hood of his pickup, and started walking over. Ben stood up straight and Poe saw that he had earbuds in. As opposed to walking over to him and scaring the hell out of him, Poe waited near the open garage door and watched him work. The California sun was setting in the distance, pouring a fiery red light across Ben's bare back. He bit his lip as Ben stretched, the muscles in his shoulders tensing and flexing. He wanted to touch him so badly, but he waited.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Ben noticed him. He pulled out his headphone and smiled a bit. "Hey," he greeted, his voice a bit husky. Poe shivered, but not noticeably. "How long have you been standing there?"

Poe blushed and he started walking over towards him. "Not long," he said. "It felt like forever."

Ben grabbed a rag off the side of his side-view mirror and started wiping oil off of his hands and forearms. "Forever's a long time," he chuckled. "Sorry for making you wait that long."

Poe chuckled and stood in front of him. "Have you been down here all day?" he asked, touching Ben's chest without much thought and leaning closer to him. "You weren't there when I woke up."

"Did you miss me?" Ben teased, leaning down and kissing him gently. Poe kept one hand on Ben's chest and brought the other up to run through his hair as he kissed him. He pulled away slightly and kissed his jaw. " 's that a yes?"

"Of course I missed you," Poe sighed against his skin. "I was lonely and cold." He smirked. "You smell like oil and sweat.

"Sorry," Ben said automatically, raising his arm up to his nose and smelling it. "Yeah, Jesus, it's pretty bad."

"It's very manly, actually, I like it," Poe told him. "But if you want, I could help you wash it off?" He bit his lip.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?" he asked, pushing his shoulders back a bit, in an obviously attempt to impress Poe. Poe just thought it was adorable, and was already impressed.

"Yeah," he breathed, kissing him again. "Come back up to my dorm, we'll take a shower~"

"Could I fuck you down here, first?" Ben tried, leaning down and biting at his ear.

Poe hummed. "No, let's go up to my place," he told him, pulling at his jeans. Ben grunted and leaned down, grabbing his hips and pulling him in to kiss him more deeply. Poe threw his arms over Ben's shoulders and pressed himself as close to him as he could.

Ben grunted. "I don't know if I can wait that long," he growled, grabbing Poe's ass.

"Ben, we're practically in public," Poe breathed.

"I don't give a fuck," he grumbled, leaning down and sucking on Poe's neck. "I want to bend you over the bench of my truck and make you take my cock from behind~" Poe shivered against him and moaned.

"B-Ben, come on, not here," he told him, a bit more seriously. "Come up to me room. Please?~"

Ben grabbed his ass again, squeezing as he kissed him deeply. "Jesus, Poe, I'm gonna f…" he growled, trailing off and licking his lips. Poe shivered, liking how Ben could barely control himself. "I have to fucking lock up the shop, give me just a second." He hurried over to the door of the shop, locking it and throwing some things in tool boxes haphazardly.

"I need you, Ben, please hurry~" Poe begged, grabbing the front of his pants. Ben watched him, swearing and trying to hurry up. "Fuck, Ben, hurry!"

Ben slammed the hood of his truck shut and locked the doors. "You're not getting me in a fucking shower until I've made you cum at least twice," he growled, lifting Poe up into his arms and kissing him, carrying him out of the garage, slamming the buttons to close the doors before they left.

Getting up the stairs was hell, and they had to stop every so often so that Ben adjust the way he was holding Poe. Finally, they made it to Poe's door and Poe struggled to get his key in the door quick enough. Ben hugged him from behind, sucking on the back of his neck and grinding against him. Poe hummed and got the door unlocked, pushing it open and grabbing onto Ben quickly, turning him around and kissing him. He pulled him inside, bringing his hands to run through his hair.

"Oh, there you are," someone said from the doorway. Poe pulled away from Ben a bit, looking behind him and seeing Hux. "You didn't come back last night, is this where you were?"

"Go fuck yourself, Hux," Ben growled. Poe looked up at him, seeing that Ben looked suddenly very angry.

"That's not nice," Hux tsked. "Now what do we have here? You aren't fooling around with the campus whore are you?"

Ben pulled away from Poe quickly and went to Hux, grabbing his collar. "What the fuck did you just say?!" he growled.

Hux just smiled sweetly up at him. "I asked if you're fucking Poe Dameron," Hux clarified. "Poe Dameron is Cali State's designated whore, didn't you know?"

Ben tensed up, pushing Hux against the wall, holding him there. "Don't fucking call him that, or I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill you," Ben growled at him.

"Do it, love, I dare you," Hux taunted. "I'm sure that would go over very well for you. How many assault charges would that give you?"

"Ten," Ben told him, grabbing his throat. "Get out."

"Ben, let go of him," Poe spoke up. Ben glanced back at him and gulped, turning back to Hux, who was still being choked. Ben let him go, letting him fall to the ground. Hux coughed and stood up.

"You're so mean to me…" Hux grumbled.

"Don't call my boyfriend a fucking whore, I have plenty of dirt on you if you go around insulting what's mine," Ben hissed.

"I have more dirt on you than you have on me," Hux chuckled, straightening out his clothes. "I also have something you desperately need, so be very careful what you chose to do to me." Ben frowned and looked away from him. "I'll see you tomorrow, then, I suppose." He smiled at Poe and left, shutting the door.

Poe looked at Ben, who was practically fuming. "B-Ben, it's ok, I've been called that before, and a bunch of other names," he told him, taking his hand and touching Ben's cheek with the other.

Ben shook his head slightly and grabbed Poe's arms. "That's not ok with me. I don't want to hear that people say bad things about you," he said. "I won't let people say bad things about you."

"Ben, it's ok, it isn't a big deal," Poe told him.

"It is to me," Ben argued. "You're mine, I don't like it when people hurt what's mine." He kissed his neck.

Poe smiled a little. He appreciated that Ben cared about him so much, but he didn't want him to feel like he had to protect him. "So, I'm your boyfriend now?" Poe asked hopefully, wanting to calm Ben down.

Ben looked at him, a flash of anxiety in his eyes. "I hope so, I wasn't planning on just having a one night stand with you. I was hoping you would want to hang out with me a lot and stuff," he told him. "B-But if you don't want to, I-I mean whatever…"

"No, no I want to be your boyfriend," Poe clarified. "I want that a lot."

Ben's face lit up. "C-Cool," he breathed. He blushed and shook his head. "That was a stupid thing to say, I-I meant that that's good, I want that-" He was cut off by Poe's lips kissing his own. He sighed into the kiss and ran his hands down to his hips. He gulped. "Sorry that Hux is a fucking cockblock…"

Poe chuckled. "It's no problem," he said. He smirked a bit and touched an smudge of oil on Ben's chest. "Let's go take that shower~"  
\---

Rey giggled when Finn put his hand on her hip. She liked the idea of dating him. Finn looked at her with a questioning glance and she responded by putting her arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. They reached his door. "I'll be just a second," he told her. "Stay out here, just in case they're um… you know."

Rey chuckled. "Alright, love, don't be long," she said, kissing him. He went into the dorm and closed the door. She waited outside the door patiently, looking up when the door across the hall opened.

"Oh, hello," Hux said, raising an eyebrow. He pulled the mail out of the box next to the door. "Dameron's busy…"

"Hi, yes I know," she laughed. "I'm waiting for Finn. You must be Ben's roommate."

"I am," he agreed, looking her up and down out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm Rey, his cousin," she explained.

Hux closed the mailbox and turned to look at her. "Oh," he said. "Oh, I see, I've heard a bit about you from Ben." He held out his hand.

"Have you really?" she questioned, surprised. She took his hand to shake it.

Hux brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently, making her blush a bit. "Only a bit, but enough to make me think you're much easier to deal with than he is," he chuckled. "I'm Hux."

Rey gulped, looking down a bit. "Is that your first name?" she asked.

"Last name," he explained, letting go of her hand. "My first name is Colin, but I don't think it suits me."

"Oh, I don't know, I think Colin's a nice name," she argued, bringing her hand to her side and smiling.

"Well thank you, love," he smiled. He was mentally studying her, seeing if there was anything useful about her that he could gain from. "I can't help but notice your accent. It's nice to hear another Brit around here."

"Likewise," she chuckled. "My mother was British, I was born in London and lived there for a few years."

Hux made a mental note that she was fairly open about herself. "I'm from London as well," he told her. "My father was based in San Francisco when I was seventeen, and I've been here ever since. Hey, what's your major?"

"Mechanical Engineering," she told him. "Same as Ben and Poe, but I couldn't be more different." She rolled her eyes a bit. "They skip class a lot, I don't see how they're going to graduate…. Anyway, what's your major?"

She liked to gossip, he guessed, he made a mental note of that as well. "Business Administration," he responded. She nodded, looking towards Finn and Poe's door, then back at him. "It's not that interesting, really. Anyway, you seemed surprised when I said that Ben's mentioned you, why is that?"

Rey sighed. "He hasn't spoken to me in years…" she explained. "But we used to be really close, so if he mentioned me, at least he hasn't forgotten I exist. It's a very complicated story-"

"Oh no, no, you don't have to explain. I'm sorry if I brought up a sore subject," he said quickly. Ben was a weak subject, but he also very important to her. That was very important.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure Ben will talk to me sometime," she sighed. She crossed her arms. "So you're a business major?"

"Yes," he smiled.

"You know a lot about maths and such, then?" she questioned.

"I suppose," he chuckled.

"Are you any good at calculus?" she continued hopefully.

Hux smiled a bit. "Business majors usually don't require much knowledge in calculus," he told her. She sighed. "However, you're in luck. I passed my Advanced and AP Calculus courses in high school with high honors."

Rey smiled brightly. "Do you think you could help me? I can't get the hang of it, and Poe's no help with anything. Ben doesn't talk to me, and Finn's going into Nursing," she explained.

"Say no more, I'm used to a world of people who can't understand advanced mathematics," he laughed. Rey, it seemed, didn't have many people that she could count on. She was vulnerable, and terribly naive. If he could get her closer to him, if he could make her trust him and rely on him, he could have another useful tool under his belt. And this girl seemed much more stable than Ben, which made her all the more appealing. "I'm free any time after 4pm and all day Sunday if you need help."

"Oh thank you," she smiled. "You have no idea how much that means. Here, what's your number so I can text you?" Hux told her his number and she put it into her phone. "Really, thank you so much, I'll owe you one."

"It's no trouble," Hux told her, smiling back at her.

The door to the dorm opened and Finn came out with a cinch pack. He glanced at Hux worriedly, then at Rey. "Hey, sorry I kept you waiting, you ok?" he asked.

Rey smiled brightly. "Yeah, do you have what you need?" she responded.

"Yep," he said, looking at Hux again. Hux tilted his head a bit and smiled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," he said calmly.

Finn glared at him. "Finn. My name's Finn, I'm Poe's roommate," he growled. Rey hit his arm lightly.

"Oh, dear, I haven't really met you, I suppose," Hux said. "We must have conflicting schedules. I'm Hux." He held out his hand to shake Finn's

"I know," Finn grumbled, crossing his arms. Hux pulled his hand back, getting the idea that Finn wasn't going to shake his hand.

Rey's mouth fell open, embarrassed that Finn was acting to rude. "H-Hux is going to help me out with calculus," she told him. Finn looked at her, frowning. "This way I don't need one of the tutors the school provides, I've heard they're no good anyway." She looked at Hux and waved. "I'll text you, thanks again." She took Finn's hand and pulled him quickly towards her dorm.

"I don't like that," Finn said once they were down the hall a ways.

"You don't like what?" she asked.

"That he said he'd help you. I don't like it," he explained.

Rey frowned. "Why not? I really need to pass calculus, Finn," Rey chuckled, annoyed. "I can't believe you were so rude to him, that was embarrassing…."

Finn tensed up. "He's an asshole, Rey, I don't want you hanging out with him," Finn told her, attempting to putting his foot down. That attempt was shut down in an instant when Rey turned and glared at him. "I-I mean, it's really up to you, but I just don't want him to hurt you…"

"I'll be fine, I can handle myself," she told him, stopping at her door and digging in her pocket for her keys. "He seemed really nice, he can't be that bad." She pulled her keys out and unlocked the door.

"Yeah, I guess…" Finn mumbled.

"What's your problem?" she asked, turning to look at him. He looked taken aback. "You barely even know the guy, so you're already judging him without even getting to know him!"

"Rey, listen, I've heard plenty of things about this guy-" Finn tried.

"Do you really not trust me that much?" Rey snapped. Finn frowned deeply and opened his mouth to say something. "I'm not going to try to hook up with him or something like that, I'm not that kind of person, I thought you knew me better-"

"Rey, no, that's not what I meant, I trust you, I really do," Finn told her quickly. "I just…" He looked down. "I want to protect you. I want you to feel like no matter where you are, I'll be there to protect you."

Rey's face softened. "I know," she sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." She turned and hugged him. "But I don't want you to worry, I can take care of myself, I promise."

Finn sighed. "I know you can Rey," he said. "But that doesn't stop me from trying." He gulped and took a deep breath, taking her hand in his. "R-Rey I…" He froze up a bit, suddenly nervous. "I-I r-really care about you… a lot…."

Rey smiled a bit. It was a warm smile, full of life and joy. It was Rey's smile, the one he loved so much. She touched his cheek and kissing him gently. "I love you too," she told him.

It didn't register to Finn for a moment. Then his face reddened a bit. "W-Wait, you…?" he stammered. "R-Really? Wait, really, you do? Are you sure?"

Rey laughed. "Of course I'm sure, peanut," she told him, kissing him again. Finn could have started crying in that moment.

"God, Rey, I-I love you," he admitted. "I really love you."

"I know, Finn, I love you too," she said happily, kissing him deeply again.

Finn kissed her back. This was everything he could ever want. Rey. It was all moving so fast, but it made him think he had just been too slow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Awww cute Finn is cute! Anyway, follow/favorite, and Comment/Review your thoughts and opinions! Thanks for reading, and I'll update as soon as I can!


	3. Headphones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hi! This is a short chapter compared to one and two, but it still has content! This chapter tells a deeper part of Ben's character, cute (and appropriate) DarkPilot, mention of Leia and Luke, some jealous Finn, and some oblivious Rey. Content I tell you! Enjoy!

Poe was watching Ben from the kitchen, where he was cooking dinner for the two of them. Ben was sitting on the couch doing homework, with his earbuds in per usual. Ben liked to listen to music when he worked, Poe had figured that out pretty quickly. When he was working in the shop he kept his earbuds in, when he worked on a project for class he kept his earbuds in, when he struggled through math and english homework. That was another thing. Poe watched him scratch something onto his paper, cross it out, write something, cross it out. It went on like that for a while, then he crumpled up the paper, tossed it in the waste bin, and sat back on the couch, leaving the work unfinished. Then he just sat there with his headphones in, staring into space.

It wasn't that Ben was dumb, Poe knew- he had once explained to him the entire inner workings of his 1995 Ford F-350, and how he had adjusted it to run on a diesel engine he himself had installed, all without having to look at it. Poe couldn't understand how he could maintain all the information he did, but couldn't solve basic mathematical equations.

It had been about two months since they had officially gotten together. Ben spent a lot more time in Poe and Finn's dorm (although Finn usually stayed with Rey anyway), even sleeping there most nights. Poe felt like he could talk to Ben about anything, and that Ben could talk to him about anything. He took their dinner, just simple salads, and brought them out to the living room, sitting next to Ben and setting down his plate on the table in front of him. He sat back with his own salad and started eating, looking at Ben and waiting for him to come back from wherever the hell he was.

Ben's head turned towards him after a moment. He smiled a bit and pulled out one headphone. "You're pretty," he told him simply. He pulled out the other headphone and leaned over, kissing Poe gently.

Poe chuckled and kissed him back. He pulled back a bit. "What are you listening to?" he asked.

"Nirvana," Ben told him, reaching for his salad and starting to eat it. "I'm always listening to Nirvana."

"Always?" Poe asked, smiling a bit.

"Whenever I listen to music, yes," Ben explained. "I'm failing Calc."

"I know," Poe told him.

"And English," he added. "And Chemistry."

"Yeah, you gotta catch up," Poe said, touching his leg and sighing.

"I can't," Ben said quietly. Poe frowned. "I'm too far behind to pass any of them. And it's too late to catch up. I wouldn't be able to anyway."

"Ben, I can help you," Poe said. "You just have to ask. What part is hard for you?"

"The numbers, and the reading," he said. Poe stared at him. He set down his salad and picked up his math book and opened it. "These are the problems I have to do. I don't understand how x can equal y. Or why there's a 4 before the three here."

"W-Well, x is just taking the place of-"

"No, Poe, in my head, I can't process the numbers, especially when they aren't numbers. I've always been like this," he explained calmly. "And words are backwards to me too. That's why I try not to talk. That's why I'm failing my classes."

Poe frowned. "Does the school know?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm sure my mother told them," he said. "I can't do anything. I can't get a job, because I'm a dyslexic, dyscalculic, angry person. So why am I here?"

"I don't know, Ben," Poe said honestly. "Whatever happens, I'll be here for you."

"Why would you want to, I'm useless," Ben said calmly.

Poe's mouth fell open. "Ben, you aren't useless," he argued.

"I'm mentally incompetent," he argued, frowning. He closed his eyes and Poe put his hand over his, squeezing gently but waiting for Ben to get through his thoughts. "This is why I listen to Nirvana. Because if I think too much I go to a horrible place in my head. I have two functions. I maintain basic self-care, I have sex, and I try not to hurt anybody."

"That's three," Poe told him, stroking his thumb over Ben's

Ben started at him for a moment, mouthing something to himself. Then Poe felt his the fingers on Ben's hand twitching. Counting. "Three. I have three functions," he corrected.

"Just because you have a hard time doing some things doesn't mean you're useless," Poe told him seriously. "You mean a lot to me. I care about you."

Ben looked down at him and kissed him. "Thank you…" he said softly.

"If you ever need help, or if you want to talk about what's going on, I'll always be here and willing to help," Poe smiled. Ben nodded and hugged him, laying his head against Poe's shoulder. Poe chuckled. "Are we done eating then?"

"Cuddle," Ben mumbled, wrapping his arms around Poe's waist and slowly pushing him to lay down. Poe set his plate down on the table and lay on his back, letting Ben lay his head on his chest and hold onto him. He smiled a bit and pet Ben's hair gently. "What month is it?"

"November," Poe told him softly, yawning.

"You should come home with me for Christmas," Ben suggested quietly. Poe smiled a bit. "Would you want to meet my Mom?"

"Of course, I want to meet your Mom," Poe agreed, leaning down, a bit awkwardly given the way they were lying, and kissing his head. "Where's your Dad?"

It was an innocent question, Ben knew that. He knew that Poe hadn't asked him much about his family, that he knew nothing, but Ben couldn't deal with anything relating to his Dad. "No," he said sharply.

Poe blinked. "Oh, ok, sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to upset you."

" 's fine," Ben mumbled.

"Is Rey going to be there?" Poe questioned, changing the subject to something he hoped wouldn't trigger another reaction.

"Her Dad lives with my Mom, so probably," he said. "My Mom and Rey's Dad are twins, but they look nothing alike… Rey and I look nothing alike."

"Genetics are funny," Poe agreed.

"I'm going to text my Mom and tell her you're coming," Ben said, pulling out his phone and opening his messages, texting his mother 'Can I bring my boyfriend with me for Christmas?'.  
\---

"The rough endoplasmic reticulum makes lipids, the smooth one is covered in ribosomes," Finn corrected Rey.

"No, Finn, it's the other way around," Rey told him again.

"Rey, I'm studying to be a Nurse, I know about cells," he reminded her.

"Finn, the fucking endoplasmic reticulum are the only part of the cell that I remember from high school Biology," she said. "The smooth makes lipids, the rough has ribosomes."

"I'll look in my anatomy book, but I know I'm right!" Finn went over to his bag and pulled out his book, starting to flip through it.

Rey felt her phone buzzing in her pocket and pulled it out, smiling. "It's my Dad," she said, answering the call quickly. "Hi, Dad!" She smiled brightly. "Yes, I'm planning on coming back for Christmas…. No, I haven't talked to Ben, he still won't talk to me… did he really? He said he was coming home?... Yeah, he has a boyfriend."

"Dammit," Finn hissed, closing his book. "Alright, you were right, but I still know more about the human body than you!"

"Sh… no, not you Dad!" Rey laughed. "Sorry… Oh, I was shushing my boyfriend Finn, he was-" She hesitated. "N-No, I sent you an email. I know I told you in an email… that's very true, I should have called, sorry…. Yes, I'm sure he'd love to come for Christmas…" She looked up at Finn who smiled and nodded. "He said he'd love to come… alright, Dad, I'll text you…. Yeah, I'll try to figure out what's up with Ben…. no problem. I love you, Dad, Bye." She hung up the phone. "Apparently Ben texted his Mom and asked if he could bring Poe with him at Christmas."

"Oh, wow, he must really like Poe then," Finn smiled, standing up and going to sit with Rey on her bed.

"I'm sure he does, but it's just strange that he wants to go home for Christmas. He hasn't come home in three years," she explained.

Finn frowned. "Holy shit, how hasn't he been home in three years?" he questioned, shocked.

"He stays here over the summer. It's been hard for him to see his Mom. And me and my Dad," she explained sadly.

"Why? What could you have possibly done that warrants that much avoidance?" Finn pressed.

"We didn't do anything… he's afraid he's going to hurt us," she said softly, looking down and playing with the hem of her blanket.

"Has he hurt you before?" he asked, feeling protective of her.

Rey sighed and shook her head. "Ben's always been angry and unstable. He knows it's not how most people act and he tried really hard to change. He was doing so well… but then-" she started. She frowned and bit her lip. "Something happened and it sent him backwards. He couldn't deal with anyone. He ran away, I went and found him and brought him home, but he hasn't really talked to anyone ever since…."

"What happened?" Rey looked up at him and shook her head. "Okay, I'm sorry." He hugged her and kissed her head. Finn held her close, wanting her to feel safe.

"It's okay, Finn," she sighed. She sat up a bit and kissed him. He kissed her back, touching her cheek. "Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you. Hux invited us to a party at UCSB on Friday, do you want to go?"

Finn frowned. "Santa Barbara is five hours away, why the hell is he having a party there?" he asked coldly.

Rey rolled her eyes. "It's not his party," she explained. "He's going, he said he thought it would be really nice if we went along with him."

"Yeah, no, I'm set," Finn declined. "I wanna just spend Friday night here."

"Oh come on, parties are fun," she tried. "I'm going, I want you to come."

Finn frowned. "No, and I don't want you to go either," he told her.

"I'm sorry," she responded. "It's not up to you where I go."

"I know, but please take into consideration that you're my girlfriend and I love you and I want you to be safe," he said firmly.

Rey stood up to grab a water. "If you want me to be safe then come with me," she said.

Finn hesitated. "Fine. Fine, I will," he told her. "Tell him I'll be there."

"I will," she smiled, walking back over to the bed and climbing on. She kissed him and climbed onto his lap. He kissed her back and smiled a bit. "I love you."

"I love you too, Rey," he sighed, putting his forehead to hers. She kissed his cheek, then his lips again, putting her arms over his shoulders.  
\---

Friday came quicker than Finn was comfortable. He was already dressed, but Rey was still in the bathroom getting ready. He really didn't want to go to this party, but he didn't want Rey to get all offended over how much he absolutely despised her new friend. "Rey, sweetie, you're taking a really long time," he called to her.

"I'm doing my makeup, don't rush me," she yelled back to him. He frowned and got up, going to the slightly ajar bathroom door.

"Why are you putting on makeup? You don't wear-" he started, he opened the door and saw the dress she was wearing, freezing. "Nope. No, you aren't wearing that."

Rey stood up straight, mascara brush in hand. "Why not?" she scoffed.

Finn shook his head and touched her bare shoulders. "It's short," he told her. "It's short and tight."

"Yes, it's a cocktail dress, Finn," she agreed, rubbing her free hand down the side of the silky, champagne colored dress that only went down to about mid-thigh.

"Are you even wearing a bra?!" he hissed, grabbing her boobs.

"No," she laughed. "You can't with this kind of dress, but it's tight enough to support me without one." She leaned over the counter to continue doing her makeup.

Finn ran his hand over his mouth. The dress was definitely tight. And it was short enough that even the slight way she was leaned over was risqué. "I really want you to wear something else," he tried.

"No, Finn, this is what girls wear to parties. And besides, it took me this long to get ready, I'm not spending another hour, we'll be late," she said. She put on some red tinted lip gloss and grabbed her bag. "Alright, come on, let's go."

He watched her put on a pair of black stilettos and he sighed. He grabbed his wallet and his keys and went to the door. "Alright then, let's go," he agreed shortly. Rey sighed and walked out the door carefully. She led the way outside to where Hux had told them to meet him.

"There you are," he laughed. He glanced at Finn quickly then smirked a bit. "That dress looks amazing on you, love."

"Thank you, dear," she smiled. She looked at Finn. "Oh, where would you like to sit?"

"In the back. With you," he said shortly.

Rey rolled her eyes. "That's awkward," she mumbled to him. "He'll be sitting in the front all alone. I'll sit in the front, I'll be able to talk to the both of you that way."

"Excellent, let's get going, then." Hux got into the driver's seat. Rey got into the passenger seat, and Finn gulped, getting in the back. Hux turned on his car. The radio turned on with it, and started playing something Finn vaguely recognized and that made Rey very excited. "Oh my goodness, what are the odds," Hux laughed.

"What?" Finn asked, looking between them. Rey started singing along to the song. Finn thought Rey had one of the most beautiful singing voices he had ever heard. So did Hux, apparently, given the way he was looking at her.

"It's Turning Tables, by Adele, one of Rey's favorites," he explained quickly. Finn frowned at how condescendingly Hux had said it.

"Yeah, I know, I'm her boyfriend," he grumbled, sitting back in his seat. Hux smirked a bit, which Finn caught, and turned forward and started driving. Finn looked at Rey, who was just singing to her heart's content, as beautiful as ever and painfully unaware of her surroundings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: How was this (slightly short) chapter? Comment/Review your thoughts, opinions, and predictions (I really appreciate feedback, especially when it gives me an idea of what the readers are looking to read!!), and follow/favorite as well! Thanks for reading!


	4. Santa Barbara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MULTIPLE TRIGGER WARNINGS! READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE FOR DETAILS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This is a very dark chapter! Drug use, dubious consent, all kinds of messed up stuff! If you aren't comfortable with any of that, this story may be hard to read! I don't want to trigger anything for anyone, that is not at all my intention! I will try to make the next chapter a bit happier, but my fanfictions have a tendency to get really dark, and I apologize if that bothers anyone!

On the way to Santa Barbara, they stopped at a gas station so that Hux could fill up his car, and Rey went in to use the bathroom. Finn got out of the car, needing some air. He glared at Hux as he held the nozzle. Hux looked up and saw him staring at him. "You're paranoid," he told him.

"Mind your own business," Finn growled.

"I could say the same about you," Hux chuckled, glancing at the how many dollars he was at on the pump.

"No, I'm her boyfriend. And I don't appreciate how condescending you are towards me, and how you invite her to go places," Finn told him sternly.

"So, you don't want her to have friends?" Hux questioned cooly.

"That! That's condescending!" Finn snapped. "And no, Rey can have friends, but not ones who are obviously going to either hurt her, or try to sleep with her. Or both!"

"I would never hurt Rey," Hux told him honestly. "I have no intention of hurting your girlfriend. You're being very mean to me, I wish would just accept that Rey cares about me almost the same amount as she cares about you." He put the nozzle back into the gas pump and paying with his debit card. "And I'm not being condescending, dear, I'm being the bigger person, and staying calm in the midst of an irksome conversation." He opened his door and smiled towards the door as Rey hurried out of the gas station and to the car. "All set, love?"

"Yep, let's go," Rey smiled brightly, getting into the front seat.

Hux glanced at Finn and got into the driver's seat, starting his car. Finn frowned and got into the back. "We have about thirty minutes until we're there," Hux told them as he pulled onto the road. "You'll know as soon as we're there."  
\---

"So you're technically not old enough to drink?" Hux laughed a bit.

"Well, I mean, in England I'm legal, but America's stupid so," Rey responded, laughing.

Hux smirked and shook his head. "If you get caught, I won't help you, I'll just laugh from the sidelines," he chuckled. She slapped his arm as he pulled into a parking spot, both of them laughing. Finn sighed and got out of the car as soon as the car turned off. There was loud, booming dance music playing from the building they were parked in front of.

Rey got out and flung her arms over Finn's shoulders, kissing him gently. "I'm so excited," she giggled. "This is going to be so much fun!"

"It'll certainly be a lot bigger and more lively than one of Dameron's parties," Hux laughed, locking the doors once everyone was out.

"What's it like?" Rey asked happily.

"There's a lot of dancing, and kissing and drinking, and everyone just doesn't care for a night, anything goes," Hux explained, laughing and taking her arm. "Come on, you have to meet Phas, she's the one who invited us." Rey held out her hand for Finn to take and he sighed, taking it, annoyed that Hux had his hand on her arm.

They went up to the room that the party was obviously being held in and walked through the open door. Rey bounced to the music a bit and looked around, smiling brightly. A tall woman with a bleached blonde pixie cut walked up to Hux and shook his hand. "Good to see you Hux," she yelled over the music.

"Oh! She's English too!" Rey said happily. The woman looked down at her.

"You must be Rey," she said, holding her hand out and shaking Rey's hand. "I'm glad you could make it." She glanced at Finn, not saying anything. "Come, I'll get you three something to drink." Finn frowned as they were led over to a table covered with different kinds of drinks. Rey and Hux both grabbed beers, while Finn just crossed his arms and stood next to Rey.

"Get something to drink," Rey told him, smiling.

"I'm good, thanks," he argued, glaring at her as she opened her bottle and started drinking, dancing a bit. He watched her carefully, not wanting to be here.

"Come on, Finn, you have to dance," Rey tried, taking his hand.

He pulled it away. "I don't want to dance," he told her. "I want to leave."

Rey's smile fell. Phasma stepped in front of Finn. "Listen, kid," she said. "I'm going to say exactly what I'm seeing here. What it seems like to me, is that you're an asshole, ok? And I'm not going to deal with assholes, so change your attitude or get out. Got it?" She turned to Rey and waved her to follow her into the crowd of dancers. Rey smiled a bit and followed her, starting to dance. Hux smirked at Finn and followed them. Finn's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms, leaning against the wall.

Eventually he found a place to sit and stayed there, watching Rey. Rey danced with Phasma and Hux, trying to stay positive even though Finn was obviously in a bad mood. "Hey," Phasma said. She looked up at her. "Don't think about him. Here, at this party, you have a good time and just forget everything and live a little."

Rey smiled a bit. "Thank you," she said. "I-I'm really sorry about him, he's usually very nice-"

"Rey, sweetie," Phasma cut her off. "If he's making it hard for you to have fun, then forget about him tonight! Get drunk, get high, dirty dance with someone, make out with someone, have sex with someone! However you need to let off steam, do it and don't worry! Just have the night of your life!"

Rey blushed. She didn't want to forget about Finn, but he was being so rude and uptight to everyone, and it was making her upset. If Finn wasn't going to have fun, tonight, she would have enough fun for the both of them. She drank more from her beer and jumped up and down in time with the music.

It didn't take too much longer for her to get a little more than tipsy. Most of the other people there were drunk and dancing up on each other or making out. No one was standing still, except for Finn. Everything was a blur, every noise was slurred and she swayed a bit where she stood, only keeping her balance by holding onto Hux. Two guys came over and started dancing with Phasma, both of them obviously a little over drunk. "Phas, who ya' gonna kiss tonight?!" one of them laughed.

"Whoever I damn please," she laughed back at them.

"This chick, right here, come on, Phas!" the other guy told her, holding up a camera. Rey looked over, trying to process the words. "Come on, Phas, kiss her! Kiss her!" The first guy started chanting 'kiss her! kiss her!' and soon, a whole bunch of other guys around them started chanting it to.

Rey looked around, hearing muffled cheers and feeling people surrounding her. Phasma leaned down and touched her cheek, kissing her deeply. Rey was a little surprised, mostly just unsure of who was kissing her, and could hear the people around them cheering and applauding distantly. She closed her eyes and kissed her back, unsure of what to do. She felt someone behind her, probably Hux, touching her hips, and leaned back against them a little as she continued to kiss Phasma, swaying a bit.

"Rey!" she heard someone snap. Finn? Finn! She opened her eyes and pulled away from Phasma by turning her head to the figure (that she guessed was Finn) was standing. She stumbled a bit, thinking that it looked like Finn was rocking back and violently. That wasn't right… Finn hadn't been drinking...

"F-Finn," she slurred. "You're... everything's moving so much…"

Finn had felt betrayed and heartbroken when Phasma and Rey had first kissed, and had hurried over. Now he stood before his girlfriend. He was standing perfectly still, but could tell that something was wrong. "Rey, are you ok?" he asked, pushing Hux off of her and holding onto her arms to support her.

"I-I'm dizzy…" she mumbled, falling into him. He caught her quickly and frowned. "Finn I want to go home, I can't…" Her eyelids felt like lead, trying desperately to close.

"Rey, did you take something, did you smoke something?" Finn asked frantically.

"She's only had something to drink," Hux answered for her. "She's only had one beer, I had no idea she was such a lightweight!"

Finn lifted her up into bridal style. He looked down at her, worried, then froze and glared at Hux. "You put something in her drink," he guessed.

"What? No I didn't, why the hell would I do that?!" Hux scoffed.

"What the fuck did you give her?! I know you drugged her!" Finn insisted. Rey whimpered and he looked down at her, gulping. He pushed through the crowd and out the door.

Hux rolled his eyes. "I have to go, Phas," he said. "Those two idiots need a ride home."

"You aren't going to get with her tonight?" Phasma asked.

"No, I can't," he growled. "Not when Finn is around. I would have taken her for myself if he wasn't there."

"Tell him to get his own ride home, go to some back road on the way back and do it while she's still out," she suggested, drinking.

"Finn would tell her when she woke up," he sighed. "And besides, she needs to come to me willingly."

"But you were going to fuck her tonight, and you roofied her," Phasma pointed out in a whisper.

"She's too out of it now," he explained coldly. "I have to go. Could you give me Ben's stuff?" Phasma nodded and lead him to her room, handing him a small cardboard box. He pulled out his wallet and handed her two hundred dollar bills. "Thank you, dear. I'll see you in two weeks."

He walked outside and saw Finn sitting with Rey by his car, stroking her hair and trying to call someone. He looked up when Hux came out and frowned. "We need to get home," he said.

"I know, so get in the car," Hux snapped, unlocking the car and getting into the driver's seat. Finn gulped and lifted Rey up again, putting her in the backseat and climbing in beside her, holding her.

Finn saw Hux put a small box on the floor of the passenger side. "What's that?" he asked defensively.

"None of your business, it's not for you," Hux snapped, pulling out of the parking lot and driving back to San Francisco.  
\---

Poe had noticed little things about Ben over the past few months. He had a certain time that he would leave everyday, and be gone for about six hours before he would come back and sleep. He didn't seem to eat anything, and even though it was subtle, he noticed Ben getting thinner and thinner by the day. Certain topics of conversation seemed to shut him down or make him angry. He would always apologize, but sometimes he would snap at Poe or just start yelling for no reason.

Poe didn't even think the things he brought up were a big deal. He would ask if his Mom wanted to meet him sooner than Christmas, and Ben would get defensive. He would ask what he wanted for dinner and wouldn't say much for the rest of the night. The things that made him mad Poe thought were justifiable questions to ask, since he blocked him out a lot. And yet when asked why he was going back to his room, Ben would go off on him about leaving him alone, and minding his own business.

The worst thing he ever asked was where his Dad was. Ben frozen where he stood and avoided all eye contact with Poe. When he had started to apologize, Ben had grabbed his arm so hard that it left a bruise, and had screamed in his face to never ask that question, or bring up his Dad in any way again. Then he had gone to his dorm and hadn't come back for two days.

Even though he always apologized it still hurt Poe, and it scared him. He cared about Ben a lot, loved him even, but he was honestly scared that one day, Ben was really going to hurt him. Of course, Poe was a grown man and could handle himself just fine, but his heart would be in ruins.

Poe opened his eyes, sighing. He looked over at the alarm clock near his bed, seeing that it was 2:00AM. Ben had said he was coming to bed three hours ago… but every so often he would smell fresh cigarette smoke, and the light in the living room was still on. When Ben had come almost right back from going to his dorm, Poe had been happy to get more time to spend with him. Ben had been tolerant, but on edge all evening. He kept staring at the door, spacing out, and had gotten very quiet around the time Poe had said he was going to bed. And he was still out there, it seemed. Poe sat up, deciding if he should go check on him, or leave him be.

Ben's hands were starting to shake. He couldn't even light another damn cigarette, which was just agitating him and making the situation worse. Poe was starting to suspect him, he could tell. He had managed to keep it a secret for two months by limiting his interaction with him, but twelve hours without his fucking drugs, and the withdrawal symptoms were going to give it away.

"Hey Ben?" Poe asked softly. Ben looked up, seeing Poe rubbing his eyes in the bedroom doorway. He must have been in bed, it must be late. "Are you alright?"

"No, yeah, I'm fucking great," Ben lied, wiping his nose.

"You're shaking, and you're pale," Poe pointed out, his face suddenly awake and worried. He started walking towards him. "Are you sick?"

"Probably, probably some kind of flu," Ben watched him walking over and tensed up. "Just stay over there." Poe didn't stop. "I just… no don't come over here!"

Poe froze. "Okay, Ben, I'm just standing here," he said calmly, holding up his hands.

"I know," Ben growled, wincing as his arm started twitching. "I just- FUCK! -I just don't want you anywhere near me." He got up and went to the bathroom, turning on the cold water and putting his hands under it. Where the fuck was Hux?

"Ben, it's two o'clock in the morning, why are you still awake? If you're sick, you need to lay down and rest," Poe told him, walking to the bathroom door. He watched Ben through the mirror, then looked down at the bruises on his arms. "Are you high?"

"Nope," Ben snapped.

"What the hell is wrong with you then? You're scaring me," Poe questioned worriedly. "Are you having withdrawal symptoms from something-?"

"I don't fucking know, stop fucking bitching at me!" Ben blurted. "I'm going home!" He turned quickly, leaving the faucet on, and stopped, seeing Poe standing in the doorway with the saddest look on his face… "Poe, move."

"Talk to me, Ben, what's going on?" he insisted.

"No, Poe, you need to move right now!" Ben warned him.

"Ben, you need to tell me what's going on, you're scaring me," Poe told him, his voice cracking.

"I can't control myself right now, you need to move, or I'm going to fucking hurt you!" Ben screamed at him. Poe looked taken aback, but moved out of the way and let Ben through. Ben rushed past him, leaving all of his things. Poe gulped and followed him, knowing he shouldn't but also needing to know what Ben was doing. He stopped the door before it could close behind Ben and went into his dorm.

Poe realized that he had never been in Hux and Ben's room, and looked around. The windows were covered with black curtains, there were a number of half empty bottles of assorted liquors scattered around the room, on the desk on the floor. Three empty packets of cigarettes were piled near the trash bin, which was full of empty water bottles and what looked like broken glass. "Who's bottles are these?" Poe asked softly.

"Never put two active alcoholics together, it doesn't work," Ben responded. He went to a drawer on what Poe assumed was Hux's side of the room (given that the bed was perfectly made and there was the least amount of trash on the floor), and started digging through it. He was mumbling the himself, throwing things out of the drawers as he went through each one. When he didn't find what he was looking for in there, he went to the bed and lifted up the mattress.

"What are you looking for?" Poe spoke up.

Ben dropped the mattress and turned to look at him. "You need to go," he told him. "I'm gonna fucking lose my cool in a minute and I don't want you to see that…" He stumbled to the side, grabbing his nightstand for support. He growled and opened that to look through it as well. He dropped to his knees and grabbed his bed frame, throwing up onto the ground.

Poe rushed over to him and knelt next to him, putting his hand over Ben's gently. To his surprise, Ben leaned against him and put his other hand over Poe's. He could feel Ben's whole body shaking. "What is it?" Poe asked.

"Heroin…." Ben admitted quietly, resting his head on the mattress.

"How long have you been doing it?" he continued calmly.

"Since I was sixteen, but I stopped for a while," Ben explained, getting up slowly and grabbing a dirty shirt off of the floor and throwing it on top of the spot were he had vomited. Then he fell onto the bed, laying there carefully. "I relapsed a few months back… maybe a year ago, not sure…." Poe sat on the bed beside him and pet his hair carefully, holding his hand again. "You can't leave me… I need you really bad… I can't be by myself anymore, not with him..."

Poe's heart broke a little when he heard, that. "I won't leave you Ben," he promised him. He leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. He was very cold, and sweaty, but Poe wasn't going to leave him, no matter what. He looked up when the door opened and frowned.

Hux stared at Poe for a moment, his cigarette in his mouth. He sighed and walked into the almost pitch black room, turning on a small desk lamp. He set a small cardboard box on the table and Ben sat up quickly. "Are you sure you want him to be here?" Hux asked calmly, not looking at him as he started unwrapping the box.

Ben tensed up and looked at Poe. "It's not good, you shouldn't be in here," he told him softly.

Poe looked sad. "Don't do it. Just don't take it," he pleaded. Ben laughed and he frowned.

When Ben realized he wasn't joking his small smile fell. "I-I can't just not do it," he explained. "If you thought the last few hours have been bad, you don't wanna see me after a day…."

"I don't understand why he wants to see you at all…" Hux mumbled. Poe looked over and glared at him. Ben lay back down on the bed and closed his eyes. "Now listen, Dameron, you probably want to call the police about this." He grabbed a metal spoon out of a drawer in his desk and shuffled through some things in the box. "I understand if that's on the top of your to-do list at the moment, but if you plan on doing that, then I'm afraid I can't let you leave this room…"

Poe frowned. "Are you threatening me?" he scoffed.

"Oh, yes, most definitely," Hux told him. He turned and looked at him leaned against the desk. Poe gulped, seeing that he was holding a lighter under the spoon. "Ben, are you going to pay me?"

"Not tonight," Ben grumbled.

"Well, that would make you two payments behind, and I don't do more than one," Hux reminded him. "So, you can pay me, or suffer through the next few days."

"I don't have any money," Ben told him. Poe looked down at him. "I haven't sold anything lately."

"Have you stolen anything lately?" Hux asked. "From certain clients, from certain slutty boyfriends and their twat roommates?"

"Nope," Ben sighed. "No, I haven't."

"Can you sell what you stole by tomorrow afternoon?" Hux continued, shutting off the lighter and turning back to the things on the desk.

Ben hesitated, his closed eyes shutting tighter. Poe looked down at him, frowning. "Um… if I manage to get out of bed before noon, sure," he agreed. "I can give it to you now and you can sell it."

"What did you steal?" Poe whispered.

"Finn had a watch," he admitted quietly, opening his eyes to look at his boyfriend.

Hux walked over, holding out his hand. Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out the watch, handing it to him. Hux walked back over to the desk, looking at the stolen item. "This will probably get me enough for one payment," he told him.

"Fuck…" Ben grumbled. "You can't… you know lower the price for me since we're chill with each other?"

"Nope," Hux sighed, holding up a syringe and flicking it. "I pay Phasma with money from my own pockets, Ben. You barely pay me as it is, you have to give me something worth the $200 I spend on you every week." He turned and walked over to him with the syringe, looking at him. "So are you going to do it tonight, with him here, or tomorrow?" Ben was staring at the needle in Hux's hand, not hearing his words. Hux snapped in his face to get his attention. "Whore, are you going to do it tonight or tomorrow."

Ben gulped, still starting at the drugs. "I don't give a shit, either one," he said quickly.

"You can't take that back," Hux told him, glancing at Poe. Ben followed his gaze to Poe and made a horrified expression that made Hux laugh. "I'm in a terrible mood, so it's just your luck." He grabbed Ben's arm and started unwrapping the bandage.

"No no no," Ben snapped. "Not there, it's fucking dead."

Hux paused. He continued unwrapping the bandage and tsked in disapproval. "Well antibiotics will probably be useless, but it might fight off a bit of the infection…" he said. He pulled the bandage off all the way and through it in the overflowing trash bin.

Poe gasped, nausea hitting him hard, but he couldn't look away. "Oh fuck…" he breathed. "W-What the fuck, Ben, you should have…" He gripped the side of the bed, trying to take a deep breath. He couldn't get the image of Ben's arm out of his head. He didn't know skin could bruise that black. "I-It's a bruise, right?"

"No, it's actually dead," Ben told him sadly. "I can't feel it anymore… it's actually been pretty bad lately, some of the skin's been-"

"It's rotting, don't go into the details," Hux cut him off. "Just stop shooting up there. Permanently."

"I have been. I've been shooting everywhere were there's a bruise," Ben told him. Hux pressed down below the blackened skin and stuck the needle in. Poe gagged despite himself and Ben looked up at him, feeling sick for making Poe feel sick. He hissed, feeling Hux injecting him, then pull it out. "Dameron, I didn't know you were such a wuss."

"I don't like seeing other people dying, sorry," Poe hissed. "Kind of one of those trigger things, you know, not a pleasant thing for me to watch someone fucking die."

Hux stood up and threw the needle back in the box on the desk. "I understand," he said. He walked over to the bed again and leaned down, so that he was at eye level with Poe. "It's not pleasant for me to see such a beautiful body being put to waste~" Poe looked a little horrified. "Move, I have to get my payment."

"Poe, you have to go now, you can't be here for this next part," Ben told him, sitting up and grabbing his hand. "Before I can't tell whether you're here or not, I need to see you walk out that door."

"I'm not leaving, Ben, it can't be any worse than what I just saw," he said softly. Ben looked sad.

"It completely depends on what you consider worse," Hux sighed, standing up straight. He looked down at Ben. "I just got an idea… I'll give you a break if I get to have him for a night." Poe and Ben both looked up at him.

"No!" Ben snapped. "Absolutely not!"

"Ben, what do you give him as payment…?" Poe breathed, turning to face him. Ben looked at him, but didn't appear to be hearing his question. Poe noticed his dilated pupils and almost translucent skin.

"He… um... fucks me," he said after a long pause. "You should… um..."

"I think I want him tonight as payment," Hux grinned. He grabbed Ben's chin in his hand. "If you really can't handle that, then be ready to work twice as hard tonight, love."

"Don't fucking touch him!" Poe snapped, slapping Hux's hand away.

Hux looked at him. "Are you volunteering to take his place?" he asked coolly. He looked at Ben. "How are you feeling?"

"Fucking good…" Ben told him, smiling.

"You have about a minute to get out of here, Poe," Hux warned him. "As soon as he starts nodding, I'm going to fuck someone. If you're still here, I'm assuming it's you."

Poe looked horrified. He shook his head and looked at Ben, who was swaying a bit. "We could have sex," he slurred to Poe.

"Not an option," Hux said sharply. "He's gone, it's up to you now…"

Poe choked on a sob. "Don't lay a fucking hand on Ben, or I swear to God-"

"So you're going to let me have you," Hux sighed, grabbing Poe's arm and pulling him up, shoving him onto his bed. He looked over and saw Ben slumping forward. He sighed and pushed him so that he was on his side on the bed. He turned to Poe and smiled. "Undress yourself."  
\---

Poe was shaking when Hux finally got off of him and went into the bathroom. He gasped for air and looking over at Ben, who was scratching at his arm, making it bleed. He felt like he was going to be sick.

"So, he'll be done in a few hours, he'll probably come back to you if that's what he usually does," Hux told him, walking into the room, tying the string of his pajama pants. "You were so fucking good, Poe, if I could have you every time Ben owes me, I'd count it as two payments."

Poe looked up at him, recognizing this as an offer. "I don't want you to touch Ben while he's like that…" he said quietly, sitting up carefully and grabbing his pants off the floor.

"I understand," Hux chuckled. He grabbed Poe's hair, pulling his head back, and sucked on his neck, leaving a mark. "I think you're just a little whore who wants my cock, but you can keep telling yourself it's for that little fuck up."

"Shut up," Poe growled, tears falling down his face. Hux let go of him and watched him get dressed.

"Now, you remember what I said earlier," he said. "About calling the police? Don't. It won't end well for you. I really don't want to pay that much money to get out of trouble, but your slutty ass would probably love to pay for the huge debt you'd put me in." He grabbed Poe's hip and pulled him close to him. Too close for Poe's comfort. "But to avoid all that drama, just keep this little secret between us two, alright?" Poe trembled and looked over at Ben. "Don't even tell Ben about our deal, understand, pet? It will break him to know that you've reduced yourself to a whore to make sure he stays out of trouble." Poe turned his head away from Ben, closing his eyes and nodding. "Good, pet. You promise not to tell a soul?" Poe nodded. "Say it."

"I promise…" Poe whispered, not looking at him. Hux grabbed his chin and forced him to look up at him. "I fucking promise!" Hux let go of him and Poe hugged himself, walking towards the door. He paused. "Do you promise not to rape Ben?"

Hux grabbed one the half empty bottles off the floor and drank from it. When he pulled it away. "As long as I have you, I don't need him," he agreed. "Goodnight, Dameron." Poe left as quickly as he could, going into his apartment and straight to the shower, not caring that the alarm clock next to his bed said it was 5:00AM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Once again, I apologize for the darkness of this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it as a part of the story though! Feel free to comment/review your thoughts and feelings, and follow/favorite if you enjoyed! Again, I will try to make chapter five happier!


	5. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry it took me a while to get this chapter out! Here it is! I know I said it would be less dark but... well, it's not really, sorry. I'm gonna put a trigger warning on this one for mention of non-con stuff and substance abuse. It's also really, sad, sorry. But I hope you enjoy it as part of the story!

"Why didn't you call the police right away, Finn?" Rey asked softly as she unlocked the door to her apartment. "What if someone raped me? We'll never know now."

"No one lay a hand on you, trust me," he told her. "Well, Phasma kissed you, but I stopped everything after that. I could tell something wasn't right and I got us the hell out of there."

Rey opened the door and went inside, falling onto the couch, tired and exhausted. They had spent the last six hours at the hospital, letting Rey recover and be treated, while Finn told the police everything he could. Rey had gotten blood-tested and they had told her that the test results in about ten days.

Finn went to the bedroom, getting a pair of running shorts and a sweatshirt, along with a blanket, and brought them back out to her. He sat on the couch next to her and started helping her change. "I should have called the police as soon as we got out of the building. I never should have let that bastard drive us home, because he would have been arrested on the spot."

"Finn, stop it," Rey sighed. "Hux didn't do anything to me…"

"I know it was him, Rey, he had his hands all over you-"

"We were dancing, Finn. I didn't see you coming over and dancing with me, you sat back and made me feel bad," Rey tsked.

Finn froze. "Are you serious?" he scoffed. "Are you fucking serious? If I had gotten drunk, I would have passed out and that snake would have raped you! I wouldn't have been able to get you out of there when I did, and we wouldn't be sitting here now!"

"Finn, he wouldn't do something like that! He hasn't done anything to break your trust, I don't even like him like that, so I don't know why you're so jealous!" she snapped.

He stared at her. "You don't know why I'm jealous? When he was touching you the way he was?!" he cried. "He was grinding up on you, and had his hands all over your waist and he had his fucking disgusting lips all over your neck…." He shoved the blanket at her and sat back on the couch, crossing his arms. "And you were drunk, and drugged! And he wasn't! He drove us home!"

"That doesn't mean he was the one who drugged me!" she insisted. "Finn, I still feel sick, I'm fucking exhausted, I am going to sleep! I don't give a fuck if you leave or not, because I don't know if I want you around when you're like this!" She got up off the couch and went to her bedroom.

Finn got up and followed her. "Why the hell would I leave?" he questioned, grabbing her arm carefully. "Damnit, Rey, I'm not going to fucking leave your bedside until I know you've gotten enough rest, and you're strong enough to take care of yourself again…"

Rey turned and looked up at him. Her frown faded and the events of the previous night welled up in her eyes and she started sobbing. He quickly pulled her into a hug and held onto her, sitting on the bed with her and comforting her. "I'm sorry… Finn, I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I love you…"

He looked shocked, and quickly hushed her, stroking her hair. "Don't be sorry, Rey," he told her, kissing her head. "I love you too…. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I think we're both just really tired and really need to sleep." She looked up at him and nodded. "God, Rey I love you… I love you so much…" He leaned down and kissed her gently. She kissed him back and touched his cheek.

"Finn, do you ever get that feeling?" she asked softly.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "You're going to have to clarify," he chuckled, laying back on the bed. She lay down next to him, putting her head on his chest.

She rolled so that she could look up at him. "It's like… my heart gets all fluttery and I get scared thinking about a world without you… I feel safe with you, and I trust you, and I just want you always…" she explained. "I feel like… I can't imagine a world where I'm not with you."

Finn blushed and hugged her close. "Oh, yes I know that feeling," he agreed. "As someone studying medicine, I can tell you right now that you have a horrible case of being in love with me."

A smile spread across Rey's face and she leaned up, kissing him. "Is it treatable?" she questioned happily.

"Of course," he told her, kissing her neck. "Let me treat you~"

Rey laughed a bit. "Are you going to put on your scrubs, nurse?" she teased.

Finn hesitated. "D-Do you want me to?" he asked, unsure if she was serious or not.

"No!" she laughed, hitting his arm and hugging him.

Finn sighed. "Oh, good," he chuckled, rolling over her and kissing her neck again, running his hands down her sides. She brought her hands and ran them from the base of his neck up to his head.

One of Rey's favorite things was when Finn was undressing her. While he did it, he would kiss every piece of skin he could reach, and would put his hands all over her. His hands were so big in comparison to hers, and they were softer. It seemed like everything about Finn was made to please her, to make her feel good and happy. She smiled, thinking that she wanted him around forever.

"Finn, wait," she chuckled, pushing him away slightly before he could pull off her shorts. "Finn, I just remembered something." He looked up at her, holding her hips and smiling. "While we were at the hospital, it occurred to me that… I'm not on any kind of birth control…" Finn froze.

"Wait, you aren't on the pill?" he questioned.

"No," she chuckled. Finn looked at her for a minute. "What?"

"Rey, holy shit, you could get pregnant!" he hissed.

"I know, that's why I mentioned it. I get my period in, like, a week," she laughed. "Sorry, I just thought of it…"

"No, no, it's okay," he sighed, sitting up. "I just didn't know that you weren't on the pill…" He sighed. "Jesus um… maybe we should wait until you're on that to do anything. Wait, are you feeling moody? Or like, just sick at random times."

"I'm always moody and I have IBS," she pointed out.

"Rey, just promise me you'll tell me if you don't get your period in the next week or so," Finn pleaded, taking her hands.

She sat up and kissed him. "Of course," she told him. "I don't want to hide things from you…" She touched his cheek and kissed him deeper. "Finn, I love you. You're so different from other guys… you're perfect…" Rey pulled back a bit when she heard a knock on her door. "It's probably noth-"

"Rey!" the person at the door yelled. Rey sat up and frowned.

"Ben?" she breathed. She got up and grabbed a sports bra. "Hold on, I'm coming!"

"What's he doing here?" Finn questioned, standing up.

"I don't know, I haven't talked to him in forever," she reminded him. She pulled the sports bra on and hurried to the door. "Hi, Ben, hi, sorry!"

She immediately saw the worry in his eyes. "Rey, are you ok, Hux said you got drugged?" Ben said frantically, touching her shoulders.

"I'm ok, really, I'm feeling better," she told him. She was surprised when Ben moved forward and hugged her tightly. Her eyes teared up and she hugged him back. "How are you? How's the um… everything?"

"Don't fucking worry about me," he insisted, picking her up and carrying her inside. She squeaked and held onto him. "You shouldn't be up, you should be resting."

"Well, I had to answer the door," she pointed out.

"And you were having sex," he added. He set her down on the couch and looked at her, seeing her glaring at him. "Well you were, and I don't have a filter."

"I wasn't actually. I know you don't have a filter, but I'm glaring at you for another reason," she told him, crossing her arms. She sighed and shook her head. "Colin, told you?"

"Who the fuck is Colin?" Ben asked, frowning.

"Um… Hux?" she told him.

"That's his fucking name?!" he gasped

"Yes, dummy," Rey laughed. "Ben, I'm fine, really, don't worry."

Ben bit his lip. "Why the fuck were you with Hux?" he asked.

"He's a friend," she explained. "We were at a party."

"He's a…" Ben started, looking up at Finn, who was watching from the doorway, then back at Rey. "Yeah… okay, yeah, a friend, that's totally normal. Like, a friend with benefits or…?"

"Ben, not everyone sleeps with everyone they come in contact with," she pointed out.

"Ouch, that hurt," he said. "Look, I only sleep with Poe now!"

"So what's going on with your arm?" Rey questioned, changing the subject. "Arms, actually, you're covered in track- bruises. And your arm is all scratched up. Were you high last night?"

"What about my arm? They aren't track marks," he told her quickly, "I was talking about your sex life."

"I don't want to talk about my sex life, I want to talk about your heroin addiction," she shot back.

"I don't have a heroin addiction," he said. She raised an eyebrow. "Anymore…. I mean, I'm like, cleanish…"

"What's under the bandage," she asked calmly.

"I'm not taking it off, it's fucking gross, heroin is fucking gross," he groaned, sitting back and running his hands over his face. Rey sighed and touched his shoulder.

"W-Wait, are you…?" Finn started nervously, walking over and sitting in one of their chairs, trying to pull Rey over to him. Rey shook her head and pushed his hand away.

Ben looked at him and smirked. "What? High? No, not right now. Do you think I'm dangerous, you don't want Rey around me?" he taunted.

"Ben, he's just concerned about my safety," Rey told him.

"I think I'm probably fucking safer as a drug addict than I am sober. Can I smoke in here?" he asked.

"Nope," Rey said. "Why can't I look under the bandage?"

"Can I smoke weed in here?" he clarified.

"Ben, what the fuck is under the bandage," she snapped.

"I need to see a fucking doctor, but I can't Rey," he told her. "Not unless I wanna be put in extensive rehab, and I really fucking don't want that."

"Finn's a nurse. Well, he will be," Rey said. "Let him look at it?"

Finn looked shocked. "Well, I don't know a lot about heroin and stuff like that specifically, yet," he told her. "But I might be able to give you some advice."

Ben sighed. "It's not even the fucking heroin anymore, I don't shoot up there anymore. But I did. A couple times a day for a year or more…" he explained. He closed his eyes tightly. "So now it's kind of… just look at it, but it's messed up, so…"

"Ben…" Rey said softly. He didn't look at her, just looked down as Finn went to get his medical kit. She looked at the bandages on his arm, at the bright red, still open scratch marks.

"Hm…" he hummed simply, trying to get out of the rather dark place his mind had just gone to. He opened his eyes and looked at her, following her gaze down to his arm. He sighed. "You shouldn't see it… I don't want you to..." She looked up at him, sad. He watched Finn come back in and sit down next to him.

"Is it ok if I take it off now?" he asked calmly.

"I don't want Rey to see it," Ben told him.

"Well, I'm not leaving, I need to see what you did," she insisted.

Ben glared at her. "Rey," he sighed. ""I don't know what you think you're going to do. I'm a dope addict, I'm an alcoholic. I'm fucking mentally insane! I can't fucking look at anything right, nothing makes any sense, and I'm so fucking angry! Everyone makes me so fucking angry! I beat the shit out of someone so bad once that they had to go to the hospital!" he screamed at her. "And do you know what they did?! They just fucking looked at me for too long or some shit! I don't fucking know anymore! Rey, if I go to rehab, they'll fucking lock me away again, I can't!"

"Ben," she said sternly. "Calm down. They aren't going to lock you up-"

"Everyone treats me like a fucking child! I know they'll lock me up!" he growled. "Do you think I don't know?! They'll lock me in that little room all alone, because they're too afraid to deal with me! They'll watch me through their little fucking window and wait until I'm calm enough to sedate me! Rey, it scares me, I have nightmares about that shit, I can't do that again!" Rey reached over and pulled the bandage loose. He grabbed her wrist before the bandage could uncover his arm, and he growled. "You really wanna see? Fine!" He pulled the rest of the bandage off.

Rey looked down at his arm, feeling light headed. "B-Ben…" she breathed.

"Is this what you wanted to fucking see?!" he screamed. She couldn't stop staring at his arm, her mouth open in horror. She gasped and started sobbing. He quickly let go of her wrist, his entire demeanor transitioning to worry and anxiety. "Are you ok? Fuck, did I hurt you?"

"Ben, you can't keep hurting yourself like that…" she breathed.

Ben paused and looked down at his arm. "It doesn't hurt anymore, the nerves are all fucking dead…" he told her, hoping it would make her feel better. She looked even more horrified.

Finn cleared his throat, unsure of what to do. "B-Ben, even if you went to a doctor, they would just send you right to the hospital," he told him. "Like you just said, the nerves are dead, and it looks like they're still dying… it's… rotting, the entire area is badly infected, and the infection is starting to spread to the surrounding area of the arm. How have you been treating it?"

"Haven't been," Ben told him, glancing at it. Finn's eyes widened. "Relax, it's only really been turning that greenish color for a few days… it'll go away..."

"Not if it's this infected, and not with this amount of decay to your antecubital fossa," he said, touching it carefully with his gloved hand. "If you don't get this treated, you're going to going to get sepsis, if not go straight into full septic shock."

"What the fuck does all that mean?" he sighed.

"It means, that the infection will start to go into your bloodstream, and if it gets bad enough, it might start shutting down your major organs," Finn explained seriously. "I don't think it'll get that far, not if we go to the hospital within the day. However, there's no way at least some of the infection isn't going into your bloodstream already, since you were puncturing one of the arteries in the area. I have no doubt that it's already getting into your system, and the longer you leave it like this, the more sick your going to feel all over, and left untreated, you're not gonna make it."

Be closed his eyes. "It's times like these that I'm glad my Dad is fucking dead, so he doesn't have to see me! What would he think of me, his fucking disappointment-!?"

"Ben, stop it!" Rey snapped. Ben looked up, his eyes filled with tears.

There was a knock on the door, and Finn quickly stood up to answer it. He pulled off one of his gloves and opened it. He sighed, letting Poe walk in quietly. Poe looked over at Ben and let out a shaky sigh. "I-I didn't know where you were," he breathed, looking away. "I was worried…" Looking at the rotting track mark on his boyfriend's arm made him feel like he couldn't do anything for Ben…

Ben quickly covered the blackened bruise on his inner arm with his opposite hand and looked at Poe with annoyance on his face. "I'm right here," he smiled weakly. "Guess what, baby, I'm gonna fucking die of septic shock!"

"What?!" Poe gasped. "What the fuck does that mean?!"

"No, you're not! He's not!" Finn told Poe. "Not if he gets to a hospital" He started quickly explaining everything to Poe.

"And just like that, the fucking family disappointment get's saved by fucking Little Miss Perfect, once again!" Ben growled.

"Ben…" Rey sighed.

"He wished I had never been born! Both of my parents did! You were the normal one! As soon as you were born, they forgot all about me! Finally they had an excuse to get away from me!" he screamed. "They got to take care of someone normal! The whole time Mara was pregnant I fucking wished that you would come out like me, like a fucking monster!"

"Ben," Rey tried again. She knew that he was just scared that he was going to have to go to the hospital, and that when he got scared he started saying mean things and hiding behind his anger. "Ben, you were two when I was born…"

Ben grabbed her arms again. "I was born a monster! I've always been a monster! I've always been the biggest mistake Han and Leia ever made! I've been alone my entire life! I just didn't want to be alone anymore… I still don't. I thought that you would be like me, but you were a normal, perfect baby… you didn't scream and cry all the time, you laughed, you went right over and played with the other kids, you were everything my parents ever wanted! I envied the praise you got, I still do. Mara was so nice to me… she used to tell my Dad how special I was and how I was going to do great things… even with a perfectly normal baby, your mother always made me, the freak, the mistake, the disappointment… she made me feel like I was normal, he said quietly, taking a shaly breath and desperately holding back tears. "Do you know that I relive the day they died everytime I close my fucking eyes? For five years I haven't sleep right, because I see her fucking face-"

"Ben, stop!" Rey insisted, her voice cracking.

"I see your face, I see my Dad's face," he continued. Rey pulled him to her and hugged him tightly, and he realized that he was crying. "I don't know how you can even do that, how can you hug me?"

"Because I know it wasn't your fault…" she breathed. "Because I love you. Your Dad loves you. My mom loves you-"

"Stop saying it like they're still here," he growled, looking up at her. "They're fucking dead, we can't ever see them again!"

"You don't know that, maybe we'll see them after we-"

"Fuck, you're just like my fucking mother!" he snapped, pushing away from her and glaring at her. "It's fucking bullshit, Rey, I saw they're fucking faces, they were fucking dead, they were crushed and bloody, they were mutilated and destroyed! They're gone! That's it, there's nothing else! They're in the fucking ground in the fucking cemetary, decomposing like my fucking arm! Maybe I'll join them soon, if I die from that infection shock or whatever, it'll do everyone a lot of good. Everyone's lives would be better if I was buried six feet underground!"

Rey didn't say anything for a minute, taking a deep breath. "That's how you get through it. You believe that they're just gone… But I choose to believe that one day I'll get to see my Mom somehow," she said calmly.

"That's fucking stupid, how can you say that, when I saw her-?!"

"Ben!" He looked up as Poe snapped at him. "You can't say shit like that!" He looked at Rey and saw that she was crying, not looking at him.

He closed his eyes and took a breath. "I'm sorry…" he said quietly.

"Yeah," she sniffed. "I know… I know you don't mean to say the things you say. But they still hurt…" She stood up and started walking towards the front door.

"That's why I haven't talked to anyone, because I just fucking hurt everyone," he mumbled.

Rey spun around. "Right, that," she growled. "Five fucking years, you haven't spoken to me in five fucking years, Ben!" He looked taken aback by the sudden aggression in her voice. "Do you know how much pain I went through when you decided to just stop talking, when you just stopped coming home?! Do you know what you put your mother through?!" Ben opened his mouth, not sure what to say. "I know you thought you were that you leaving would spare us any more pain, but it did the fucking opposite, we were destroyed that you weren't around anymore, it was like we didn't just lose Mom and Han, we lost you too! We helped each other through losing them, and we would have helped you through it too!"

Ben stood up, his face twisting with anger. "NO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE! AT LEAST MY MOM WOULDN'T HAVE!" he screamed, getting in her face and grabbing her. "She blames me for what happened, how could she not?!"

"Not once has Leia blame you for what happened! And neither have I!" Rey screamed back at him, pushing him away from her. He grabbed her again and she slapped him. "Calm down!" He backed up and turned away from her. "Your mother loves you, she doesn't love you any less after everything. She needed her son to be there with her, and you weren't."

Poe was watching carefully, at a safe distance with Finn. He could see that Ben was tensing up as Rey spoke to him. He could see that his hands were balling into fists, that his shoulders were tensing as if he were going to punch someone, that his eyes were closed and his jaw was set. He could tell that Ben was holding back, that at any moment he might snap-

Ben's fist punched through the glass tabletop of the coffee table, shattering it. Rey stopped talking and crossed her arms. Poe backed away and Finn looked shocked. He started towards him to try and stop him but she quickly held up a hand and he froze. Ben roared and punched the table again, kicking the wooden edges and table legs, splintering them. Rey knew that in this situation, Ben's mission was to beat the object or, sometimes (luckily not in this situation), person until he was satisfied that they wouldn't be able to go back to normal any time soon.

She watched him destroy her living room coffee table, knowing full well that he had no money to buy her a new one, until it was a mess of wood splinters and shattered glass all over the carpeted floor. Then he stood up straight and ran a bloody hand through his hair. He turned to her and she saw that there was glass and splinters in his hands and there was blood running down his arms. She sighed. "Do you feel better?" she asked calmly.

"No…" he said shortly, looking down, feeling ashamed that he had just had an outburst in front of Poe.

"And now my coffee table is broken. And you're arms are in even worse shape than they were when you got here," she continued calmly. He tilted his head slightly, looking at her. She tilted her head as well to maintain full eye contact. He frowned at stood up straight and pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, his hands shaking. "Ben, I said-"

"Go call my Mom…" he mumbled, putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it, swearing when a piece of glass scratched his face. She sighed and pulled out her phone, walking into her bedroom.

Poe took a deep breath and started walking over to Ben, trying to stay calm. "Hey," he said quietly. Ben looked at him. "Are you ok?"

Ben sat down on the couch carefully and watched Poe as he sat down next to him. "No. I'm not," he replied honestly. "Are you ok?" Poe opened his mouth to respond, then closed it and smiled tightly, nodding his head. "I'm sorry…"

"I know," he said sadly. He looked down at Ben's hands. "Do you want me to help you?"

"I can do it myself," Ben told him shortly.

Poe sighed. "I know you can. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you can't use a hand… especially since yours are kind of in pain," he pointed out. Ben glanced at him, then looked down at the broken table and nodded. Poe moved closer to him and took his hand gently, starting to very carefully pull pieces of glass and wood out of his skin, throwing them into the pile of broken table. Ben didn't really wince, just staring at the table and smoking his cigarette while his eyes filled with tears. "Baby, are you ok… does it hurt?"

"No," Ben said quickly, shaking his head. He turned and looked at him. "D-Did I scare you?"

Poe blinked and leaned forward carefully, kissing him gently. He placed a hand on his face and looked into his eyes. "No. You didn't," he told him honestly. Ben looked surprised, tears falling from his eyes. "You made me very sad, but you didn't scare me, Ben."

"I'm scared," Ben admitted.

"I know…" Poe nodded, pulling the last of the glass and splinter's from Ben's left hand, starting on the other one.

"I'm scared to go to the hospital…" he continued. "I'm scared they're going to lock me up in a mental institution. I'm scared they're going to arrest me. I'm scared of myself…" He broke down sobbing, his head falling against his chest. Poe paused to hold him, petting his hair. "Poe, fuck, I'm scared of hurting you…"

"You won't hurt me," Poe told him firmly. "I know you won't."

"Not on purpose," Ben argued. "But I'm scared that I'll yell at you, I'm scared that…." He trembled. "I'm scared that I'll be too careless and you'll get killed…"

"Ben, no matter how big of a mess you make, nothing you do could kill me," he insisted.

"I don't even have to be doing anything, what if I forget to lock the door and someone comes in and stabs you, what if I don't stop you fast enough while you're crossing the street and you get hit by a car, what if some drug addict with a gun tries to rob you late at night and I try to protect you but he fucking shoots you?! Poe, fuck, FUCK, did Hux rape you last night?!"

Finn had been pacing outside of Rey's door nervously, and now he turned and looked at Ben and Poe. Poe looked up at him, then back down at Ben. "I-I can't-"

"Poe, it doesn't fucking matter anymore! I'm going to kill him if he did, you don't have to worry about fucking repaying him!" Ben growled. Poe gulped, opening his mouth then closing it and shaking his head. Ben touched the back of Poe's head, pulling him closer. "I really fucking need drugs right now…"

"I can tell…" Poe nodded sadly, pulling out the last piece of glass and throwing it on the table, looking down at it and leaning on his elbow sadly.

"Like, I'm fucking… going insane," he growled, standing up and going into the kitchen. He put the plug into the sink and turned on the hot water. "And he just got a whole week's worth, just for me, I shouldn't let that go to waste right?" The steaming water was filling the sink, and he closed his eye. "I can just go to rehab in a week, I didn't need to come down here, this was fucking stupid, I'm gonna fuck up her life again, I'm gonna fuck up Mom's life, my Aunt and Dad are fucking dead already, I can't fuck up their lives any more than I already have!"

"Ben!" Poe called to him. Ben looked over, seeing that Poe was right next to him, grabbing his wrists and throwing a knife onto the floor. "Fuck, Ben, stop it, take your hands out of the water! Finn, help me!" He shut off the water and Ben gasped, letting Poe pull his hands out of the scalding hot, now bloodstained water. He felt Finn carefully touch his arm and guide him into one of the kitchen chairs, saying something to him that he couldn't here.

"Rey, call an ambulance, now!" Finn yelled, running over to her door and knocking on it.

Poe knelt down next to Ben, touching his pale face and begging him to hear him. "Damnit Ben, where are you?!" he sobbed. "Ben why do you want to die so badly, am I not enough for you to live for?!"

Ben heard that. He looked down at Poe, then down at his bleeding wrists. "Y-You're the only thing I have to live for…" he breathed. Poe held onto him, swearing at him and crying. Now he was scared.  
\---

Leia was rubbing Rey's back gently. "Rey, it's ok, it's ok," she said carefully, hugging her. "He's fine, he's going to be fine."

"He's trying to kill himself. He's given up trying to live, he's letting himself get hurt!" she sobbed.

"No, Rey," Leia said. "He came to you. He wants to live…"

"He cut himself-" Rey tried.

"But now, he's going to get help. He's going to be ok," Leia insisted.

Rey looked up at her Aunt. "You've spent too much time with my Dad…" she chuckled, wiping her eyes and holding her head in her hands. "You're so calm…. Aren't you worried? How come you aren't panicking?"

"I've gone through this a couple of times…" Leia pointed out sadly. "And I am worried. I'm always worried about Ben. But I've learned that he doesn't need to be overwhelmed with a dozen other emotions he doesn't understand. He just needs to know you're there, and you aren't going to go away."

"You've definitely spent too much time with my Dad, you're all philosophical," Rey told her, smiling sadly. She leaned over and hugged Leia. "I'm not going anywhere, ok? I'm going to be here for him, and for you."

"Thank you, Rey," Leia smiled, kissing her forehead.

"And my boyfriend Finn will always be around if Ben won't talk to me," Rey continued. "And of course, Ben's boyfriend really cares about him, he'd do anything for him."

"Right, his boyfriend," Leia recalled. "I have to meet him, where is he? And what about your boyfriend, Luke's going to want to meet him when he gets here."

Rey smiled lightly. "Dad already knows Finn," she told Leia. "He and Poe went back to the school, Ben left his wallet in his truck and didn't want Poe to go by himself… they'll be back any minute though, I bet."

"Hey, Hey, Rey," said man greeted. Rey looked up when she heard Poe, and saw him and Finn rushing over. "Is he ok? Have you heard anything?"

"He's stable. His vitals are stable, I mean," Rey told him. "He's not awake right now, but he's alright."

Poe sighed with relief. "Thank God," he said. "Well, I got his wallet." He handed it to Rey. "Who's this?" He looked at Leia and smiled a bit.

Rey looked at him. "This is Ben's Mom," she said simply.

Poe straightened up and Leia stood up carefully. "Hello, hi, um, I'm Poe, Poe Dameron," he introduced hastily, holding out his hand to shake her's. Leia smiled. "I-I'm, uh, Ben's boyfriend."

Leia leaned forward and hugged Poe tightly. "I know, dear," she chuckled, pulling back and looking up at him. "Thank you so much." Poe gulped and nodded. "I mean it. You being here for him, even with everything he's been through, it means the world to me. And I know it means the world to him."

Poe smiled a bit. "I won't leave his side for anything," he promised.

Leia smiled. "I'm gonna hold you to that," she teased, winking up at him. Poe chuckled and nodded. "Ben's a hand full, but he's not a bad person. I'm sure you know that. Trust me when I say he would never intentionally hurt someone he loves. And the way he was asking about you, earlier tells me that he loves you very much. And therefore, you are part of our family."

Poe smiled brightly. "Thank you," he said quietly. "That means a lot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Just like the last chapter, I hope this didn't upset anyone, that's never my intention, I just write really dark fiction! Comment/Review your thoughts! I will try to get chapter 6 out asap! Thanks!


	6. Emotionless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'm sorry that this chapter took so long! School is killing me right now, and I have been trying to get writing in whenever I can! This chapter takes place over about six months, but the time skips are not chronological, so I apologize if anyone gets confused! The chapter will focus on Ben and Poe's relationship, and even if you are more for the Finn/Rey part of the story, this chapter is pretty important to the over all story! As promised, this is a happier chapter, and A LOT less heavy! Enjoy!

Ben woke up thinking about home. Not the house he had grown up in, not his mother's house. The word home was the first thing that he thought of when he had awoken from a very different dream than he was accustomed to having. Dark brown eyes, dark curly hair, that impossibly perfect tan skin. His chiseled jawline, his perfect nose… that smile that lit up Ben's whole, dark, fucked up world.

Poe was his home. And when his eyes opened, and he was alone in an empty little cot, in a white room, he started sobbing. Six months in the hospital, and he hadn't cried once. Five years of night terrors, of his father and aunt's faces had left him all but psychotic, and this one dream of all he could ever want had brought him to tears. He didn't even know why the fuck he was crying.

"Just let it go. Just let yourself feel," he heard someone say. His doctor. He would recognize her voice anywhere. She had been with him through his entire treatment, never once making him feel like he would never improve. She was different than any other doctor he had had in the past, staying calm while he couldn't, understanding what others didn't, knowing what he needed. "Once you understand what you feel, you understand what it means to be better."

Ben sat up slowly and curled his knees to his chest. "M-My dream was different," he told her. "It wasn't about the accident. I could see Poe… nothing was happening, it was just… him."

"Why do you think you dreamt of him?" she questioned, handing him a tissue box.

Ben sniffed and took the box. "Because he's my everything. He's all I'll ever want," he said softly. "I don't want anything else, I don't need anything else, as long as I have-" He stopped and looked down. "I told him that he could never leave me. That I needed him."

The doctor frowned. "And now, what do you want?" she pressed.  


\--Six Months Ago--

"Hey, Ben," he heard someone say. He turned his head not wanting to open his eyes just yet. "It's me, Rey. Finn's here too…"

"Where am I?" he asked calmly.

"Open your eyes," she told him.

"Don't wanna…" he mumbled.

"Why not?" she sighed.

Ben smirked slightly. "It smells like rubbing alcohol and I hear a fuck ton of beeping, so I'm guessing I'm in hell," he chuckled.

"Ben, you cut yourself," she said softly.

Ben's eyes opened and he frowned. "What, again?" he hissed. Rey nodded sadly. "Fucking- I get to leave, right? I was already in rehab once, I don't have to go back?"

"In what world would that be how it works?" she sighed.

"Where's Poe? He'll get me out of this," he said.

"He's in the cafeteria talking to your mother, and no, he definitely wouldn't get you out of this," Rey scoffed.

"Why the fuck is my Mom here?!" he snapped.

"Ben, calm-"

"I don't even have any pain meds, everything fucking hurts and I'm sober, how can I be fucking calm?!" he cried. He looked down at the bandages on his arm. "Oh, great, what did they do to the dead zone?"

"They took out the dead skin tissue and cleaned out the infection," Finn spoke up. "There's still more that needs to be done with it, but you're stable for now."

"Well that's just swell," Ben growled.

"Baby!" Ben looked up and his face softened into a smile as he saw Poe standing in the doorway.

"Poe, are you ok?" Ben asked.

Poe hurried through the door, to Ben's bed. "Are you kidding? Are you ok? I've been so worried about you," he said, his voice cracking. He wrapped his arms around him. "You scared the hell out of me, man!"

Ben frowned and held him. "I'm so sorry…" he said honestly. "The last thing I would ever want is to hurt or scare you…" Poe looked up at him and kissed him gently. Ben moved back.

Poe sighed and touched his cheek. "Ben, I'm not going anywhere, as long as you aren't," he promised, taking his hand.  
\---

What did he want? Ben looked up at his doctor. "As long as Poe's happy, whatever that means, I don't need anything else," he responded. "I don't want him to feel like he has to be with me, like he has to struggle through life with me. I don't want him to have to pick up the pieces of my mistakes and hold me up. I don't want to hold him back from what he needs…" He looked down again.

She tilted her head. "What do you think you're boyfriend wants?" she asked.

Ben gulped. "I-I'm afraid he wants to be with me…" he admitted. "I'm afraid that Poe wants to spend his life with me..."  


\--Three Months Ago--

Poe placed his hand on Ben's. He seemed so different, so much calmer. And still, Poe was terrified to tell him what he had to say.

"Ben…" he started, looking down.

"Poe," he said softly. Poe looked up at him and saw that his boyfriend's were brimming with tears.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, leaning forward and placing a hand on his cheek. Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"D-Do you have something to tell me?" he asked, his voice shaking.

Poe frowned. He knew what Ben was afraid of. "Baby… I need you more than ever right now," he told him, his own voice cracking.

Ben moved forward, taking his other hand. He glanced over at Ben's doctor through the glass observation window to make sure that this was ok, and she nodded. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she could see them, to make sure no one was in danger. Ben gulped. "Poe, I'm here for you. What do you need?" he asked.

Poe took a deep breath. "D-Do you remember those two girls? The ones that I…. the night we got together…?" he tried.

Ben frowned. "I didn't see them, but I know who you're talking about… why?" he questioned.

Poe closed his eyes, trying not to cry. "B-Ben, please don't be mad, I really messed up, I'm sorry," he practically whimpered.

Ben felt horrible that Poe was so afraid of him that he couldn't even tell him what was bothering him. "Poe Dameron, you look at me," he insisted. Poe opened his eyes. "In the eye. Look me in the eye." Poe raised his eyes to look into Ben's eyes. Ben's heart froze seeing the absolute terror, the panic. "B-Baby what….?" He stopped. "Poe Dameron, whatever you have to tell me, whatever you have to say, you don't have to be afraid. I can take anything you throw at me. I promise, I won't be upset, I won't be angry, and I will never, ever hurt you. You can tell me anything."

"They're pregnant," Poe blurted. Ben didn't really hear anything that Poe said for a moment after that. He tried to fathom what Poe had just told him.

"Wait what?" he questioned.

Poe froze, and Ben realized that he had cut him off. "I-I said, I-I don't know what happened, or how, but they came to my place this morning and-" he started.

"No no, the first thing, the very first thing," Ben clarified, his grip tightening on Poe's hand.

Poe's mouth opened to respond but nothing came out. "B-Ben… p-please don't hate me, please-"

"That's fucking crazy, nothing in this world could make me hate you," Ben told him quickly. "Did you just fucking say that they're pregnant?" Poe started trembling. "Both of them?"

"Ben I don't know what… I-I don't know how to be a Dad, I-I don't have money to pay child support, and they say they're going to give me full parental custody of both kids, w-what do I-"

"How the hell do you get two women pregnant in one night? Jesus, man, you must have some fucking strong sperm…." Ben thought out loud. Poe stared at him. He realized that Ben was missing a huge part of the situation.

"Did Rey tell you she might be pregnant?" he asked, curious to hear his response.

"Holy shit, everybody needs to stop fucking each other," Ben chuckled.

Poe blinked. "Ben… Jesus, Ben, do you have any idea how serious this is?!" Poe snapped at him. Ben looked taken aback. "They are keeping these babies! They aren't aborting them, they aren't putting them up for adoption, they're carrying their pregnancies to term, and then, they're putting the responsibility of caring for, not one, but two newborn children in my hands!" He sighed. "Raising kids isn't just having them there and dealing with them when I feel like it. It is full time work, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty five days a year for eighteen fucking years. That's changing diapers, feeding them, playing with them, teaching them, holding them and soothing them when they cry, burping them, cleaning up their puke, cleaning up their mess, keeping them safe, keeping them healthy. That means having clothes for them, that means having a warm bed for them, that means having enough food to feed them three times a day, that means making sure they have a clean, healthy, safe place to live, which means having a fucking roof over their heads to keep them dry!"

Ben gulped. "Poe, you-"

"Shut up, Ben, shut up!" Poe snapped. "I don't have the money to raise kids, Ben, I don't even have a fucking house to raise two kids, let alone live in myself, I live in a fucking dorm room, with someone who doesn't understand how humans work and is probably in no way fit to raise children!" Ben's heart sunk and he sat up straight. "I'm going to have to move back to Guatemala, with my parents and my siblings! We pretty much have no money there, Ben, but at least we'd have a home! They'll marry me off to the first woman who will take me and raise my two kids, and I'll be stuck there forever, I'll never see you again!"

Poe stopped, gripping Ben's hands with an iron grip that even hurt Ben. Ben stared at him. There were a lot of things he could say, and it was hard to chose the best option. "I don't understand your exact emotion…. I-I'm sorry…. Please don't yell at me again, please don't tell me to shut up, I am trying desperately to understand what you are feeling so that I can help you, b-but I don't understand…." he tried.

Poe loosened his grip and his expression softened. "I'm so sorry, Ben…." he breathed. "I know you don't understand, and I didn't mean to yell at you. Ben, I'm stressed out. I'm angry at myself for getting myself into this. I'm ashamed that I'm letting my parents down. They're dirt poor, working themselves practically to death to send at least two of their oldest to American schooling, and I have to throw that away. I'm… petrified…."

"I empathize with those emotions. There was a time when I felt them simultaneously," Ben told him, running his thumb over Poe's hand. Poe looked up at him sadly, wondering if he was going to elaborate. "Do you really think I don't understand how humans work and am in no way fit to raise children?"

Poe's mouth opened slightly. The fact that Ben remembered that statement in the exact words Poe had said them showed him just how severely Ben had felt them. Poe didn't expect a facial expression anymore, and he wasn't thrown off or confused by the lack of one. He knew when Ben was hurt, because he remembered details that would usually go right over his head. He knew when he was happy, not by the exaggerated performance of what he thought people acted like when they were happy, but by the way his eyes lit up and he would let a coy little smile play across his lips. He knew when Ben knew he could get away with something because he would smirk that mischievous little smirk, or when he was sad because he would put up a wall around his feelings and shut people out completely until he felt like he could let himself exist in other people's worlds again. Poe understood Ben better than he understood himself. He knew that he was trying, he knew that he cared enough about the people around him to make an attempt to get better, even if he didn't understand the purpose for himself. He knew that Ben really did care about those who cared about him, Rey, his mother, his uncle, even though he didn't show it in the way the average person shows someone they care.

Poe understood Ben so well, that there was no hesitation in answering his question. "No," he told him. "No Ben, I don't think that about you at all."

"Then why say it?" Ben followed up.

Poe thought of how to word it. "Sometimes in a moment of passion and fear, people will say things that they don't mean," he explained. "I know you can deal with people, even if it's sometimes difficult and you don't understand. And you can't be any less fit to raise kids than I am." Ben nodded slowly. "I'm sorry that I said that, Ben, that wasn't ok."

"I understand," Ben said. He stared at Poe. "Did you come here to break up with me?"

Poe looked taken aback. "B-Ben-"

"I don't want any explanation behind it. I don't need any. Just tell me yes or no," he told him sternly.

"Ben, no. I came here because I need you. I need your help…" he explained seriously. "I-I need you to help me raise my kids… I-I love you… and…" He noticed Ben tense up and move back slightly. He was shocked. Poe took a deep breath. "And I don't want to leave you any time soon, ok?"

Ben didn't say anything for a moment. "Why?" he questioned.

"Why what?"

"Why do you love me? What's there to love?" he clarified, tilting his head to the side curiously.

Poe could tell that Ben was truly unsure of what about him was lovable, and that broke his heart. "Ben… that's not even the right question, you should be asking what isn't there to like about you," Poe corrected.

"I'm a heroin addict, an alcoholic, I smoke, I'm a sociopath, the list goes on," Ben told him. Poe sighed.

"Those things don't define you, Ben, when you love someone, you can accept their struggles and work through them, he explained, taking his hand. "And besides, there's more than just personality and social interaction. Tell me some things you like about me, other than how I act."

Ben gulped. "L-Like, your face?" he questioned.

Poe laughed, smiling. "Yeah, but more specific, baby," he agreed.

Ben blinked. What did he want? "I like the way you look at me… like you really care." He just wanted Poe to be happy. "I like your smile, the way it can make me smile even when I feel like I'll never smile again." Poe wanted to be with him, permanently. "I like the way the corners of your eyes crinkle when you smile, and how everything about you lights up." Poe couldn't be with him. He would hurt him. Somehow, he would hurt the only person who had willingly come into his life, and Poe would fear him. He would hate him. Ben shook his head. "I don't understand how you can stay around me… you can't, you'll get hurt, you won't want to stay."

Poe's smile fell a bit. "That's not true. I'll stay around as long as you'll let me. I want you around. But Ben, when these kids are born, I'm going to need you to be around. You can't go and hide, you need to be at my side," he told him. He looked down. "But only if you want to… if that's not what you want, I completely understand, I won't be angry at you."

Ben saw the way Poe was avoiding eye contact now. He wouldn't be angry, but it would hurt him. It would hurt him… "I-I don't know if I can…" he breathed sadly.  
\---

Poe wanted to spend his life with him...

"And how does that make you feel?" she questioned.

He paused, still crying. "It hurts…. It hurts to know that I'll never be enough for him, that I can't give him what he needs… But I wouldn't be mad… I would understand. I think Poe would be a lot happier with another guy, and that's all I could ever want for him," he told her honestly. "To be happy…"

She nodded. "You care about other's more than yourself. You are willing to sacrifice your own wants for his, and that is a very courageous thing to do." She smiled. "But do not mistake his staying with you as pity. Perhaps Poe really does love you. That, in my opinion, is what the situation is."

"Maybe…" he agreed softly, although he was rather convinced that he was right.

She smiled warmly at him. "I think you can leave by the end of the week. I think you are strong enough, and that you will be ok," she told him. "But you must be with your family, do not mistake their help for pity, and do not think that you are hurting them." She moved to sit on the edge of his bed, taking both of his hands in hers. "Close your eyes…" She watched as he did so and she let her eyes fall shut too. "When you think of your family, of Rey, your mother, and Poe- because he is your family now -what do you feel?"

"I-I don't-"

"No, what happens to your heart, your body when you think of those you love most?" she pressed.

Ben gulped. "It feels… warm…" he told her uncertainly. "My heart beats a little faster, and I want to smile."

"And what is that feeling?" she continued. "What are you feeling?"

"H-Happy? Hopeful? Safe?" he tried.

She smiled. "Perhaps you are feeling all three," she suggested. She opened her eyes and watched him. "Once you understand how you feel, even in a general sense, you will know what to do. Let your feelings surround you. Know that you, Ben Solo, are allowed to be everything other than afraid." His eyes opened and he looked at her. "You will tell me you are angry, but I have seen your anger. You lash out, because you are afraid that something will not turn out as you expected. You are afraid that you will lose something, or you're afraid that you will not be able to accomplish your goals. And you have known no other way to show it, than to destroy what is around you."

"What other way is there?" he breathed.

"That happy feeling? That feeling of hope, and security? You must tell those who make you feel those things that you are afraid, that you cannot do it alone. Your family will surround you, they will assure you of all you can accomplish, they will follow you every step of the way. And in the end, you will understand what true happiness feels like." Ben looked down a bit. "You deserve happiness, Ben. Poe Dameron can give you that happiness. He wants you to be happy, just as you want him to be happy." Ben smiled a bit and nodded lightly.

"Dr. Kanata?" a nurse said from the door. She looked up. "I apologize for the interruption-"

"There is no need to apologize, I will be right there," she told the nurse, who nodded and hurried out to the hallway. She stood up and placed a clean pile of clothes in front of Ben. "Shower and get changed. Once you have had breakfast, I will find you again and we will talk about your next step." She walked towards the door.

"My next step?" Ben questioned. She stopped and turned to look at him. "What's my next step."

Dr. Kanata smiled. "There is a word that many people use when they feel happiness, hope, and safety towards others," she told him. He frowned. "You have heard it before, I'm sure. It is quite common, and often taken for granted." She walked through the door, shutting it behind her.

Ben in that moment realized how he felt about Poe. He understood what he felt when he was around, when he smiled, when he spoke, when he moved. He understood what Poe's very existence made him long for and feel and treasure all at the same time.

Love was something Ben had never quite understood, a word he had heard so often, but could never quite put into words. But now he saw, every time he closed his eyes, that Poe was the definition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I only have three/four weeks left until the end of the school year, and during that time I am going to be SUPER busy, so I apologize if chapter 7 takes a very very long time! I will be in Japan from June 8th to early July, so during that time, I might be inactive. I will try my hardest to get out a chapter or two though! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the next, I was thinking, will focus on Rey and Finn during this six months! Thank you for reading, and don't forget to comment/review with your thoughts, and follow the story!


	7. Three Months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'm so sorry that this chapter took so long!!! I had to finish up school, get through my graduation week, and then get ready to go to Japan! Also, this chapter is super long because I wanted to tie the last two chapters together and end the arc with this one! So this chapter is the longest one yet! Hopefully it makes sense! It covers a lot of time and content! Enjoy!

"Poe can I ask you something?" Finn asked nervously.

Poe poked his head out from the bathroom door. "Sure, buddy," he agreed with a mouthful of toothpaste. He spit into the sink and rinsed his mouth, walking over to the couch where Finn was sitting. "What's up?"

Finn looked down, taking a breath. "Am I a good person?" he asked.

Poe raised an eyebrow, falling onto the couch next to him. "Of course you are. You're the best person I know," he told him.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"With my life," Poe agreed.

"Do you think I'm attractive?"

Poe blinked. "Where exactly are you going with this?" he countered nervously.

"Just answer the question," Finn pleaded quietly.

Poe sighed and sat back. "Alright," he said. "Yeah, you're attractive. You're face is nice to look at and your body is also really nice to look at…"

"I can't tell if you're serious or not…" Finn told him.

"I don't feel comfortable talking about another guy while my boyfriend is away," he explained to Finn, wiping his hands nervously on his jeans. "Especially when he's been away for three months…"

"Poe, this isn't going where you think it's going, trust me," Finn promised. Poe sighed and nodded. "Would you date me?"

"Finn?"

"What?" Finn asked.

"That's exactly where I thought this was going," he told him. "Look, you're awesome, bud, but-"

"I'm not asking you to date me, Poe, I'm asking if you would in a different circumstance, because I think Rey might be cheating on me with Hux and I want to know what is so bad about me," his admitted to him.

Poe looked at him. "She's not cheating on you," he told him.

"But what if she is?!" Finn insisted. The two men looked up as the door opened. Rey dropped her bag on the ground near the door and groaned.

"It's so nice out today, I wish I didn't have to study," she sighed. "What are you two boys talking about?"

"Nothin' you need to know about," Poe teased, tossing a pillow at her. He wanted to back Finn up as much as he could, so he figured they would just play it off like nothing serious had been discussed.

Rey caught the pillow and smiled walking over to Finn and sitting down carefully, kissing him. "Oh, so you're in that kind of mood," she chuckled, touching his cheek and winking.

Finn blushed. "N-No, it was nothing like that," he mumbled awkwardly. Rey laughed lightly and got up, going to a bag she kept near his bed with a change of clothes. "Rey are you cheating on me?"

"Oh Finn…" Poe groaned, putting his head in his hands.

"What?!" Rey scoffed, walking back out in short shorts and a tank top.

"I'm serious, are you cheating on me? With Hux?" he asked again.

Rey sighed, annoyed. "Are you kidding me, Finn?!" she cried. "Why the hell would you ask me something like that?! I just wanted to come home and be with you but you have to bring shit like this up?! Why don't you trust me?!"

"I do trust you-!"

"No, you don't! You don't trust my judgement, at all!" she argued.

"I'm fucking terrified that you're going to cheat on me, Rey! There's something seriously wrong there!" he insisted.

"Yes, it's that you don't trust me!" she pressed. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed, walking over to the door and grabbing her bag. "I need to study, I don't have time for this…"

Finn gulped, working up his courage. "No! You aren't leaving!" he demanded, grabbing her arm and pulling her back. She pulled her arm away and looked up at him, angry. "I'm not comfortable with you going over to that douchebag's place for any reason, and I'm not letting you anymore!"

"You aren't letting me?" Rey repeated coldly. Finn nodded firmly. "What gives you the right to tell me what to do?!"

"I'm your boyfriend, and I'm not letting you hang out with him!" he tried. Rey glared at him and shook her head, going towards the door.

"You're ridiculous," she scoffed.

"I'm calling it! You'll cheating on me with him!" Finn insisted. "You are aren't you?! That's why you aren't ever around anymore, because you're with him-!"

Rey cried out in annoyance. "I can't take this anymore!" she screamed. "I'm never around, because I'm sick and tired of you accusing me of fooling around, and nagging at me constantly! That's all we ever do anymore, we argue, and I'm done!" She glared at him. "okay? I'm done with this! Are you going to start trusting me Finn?"

"I do trust you!" he said again.

Rey sighed and looked down. "There's more to a relationship than just sex. You have to love the person, understand them, trust them," she told him. "I might think Colin is an attractive guy, sure. And he's kind to me and listens to me, but he doesn't know me the way you do, and I don't love him. Please, Finn, please trust me on that!"

"But you like him," he accused. "You have a crush on him?"

Rey looked over at Poe, needing his help to get her point across. Poe cleared his throat. "Finn, I think you're missing the bigger point here," he said.

Finn crossed his arms. "I don't understand what about this is so hard," he said. "Just don't talk to him anymore."

"I feel like I don't really know you anymore," Rey told him. "I thought you were the most selfless person on Earth, I thought you were sweet! But now, you're being selfish, and honestly, you're getting on my fucking nerves."

"I'm not being selfish, Rey, I'm protecting you!" he insisted.

"From what?! You haven't given me one good example of why you hate him so much," Rey pointed out. "Honestly, Finn, he can't be any worse than you." Finn tensed up. "If I didn't love you, this would be a lot easier to deal with."

"I'll make it easier, Rey." Finn gulped. "Me or him?" he said calmly.

"What?" Rey scoffed.

"You have to choose," he clarified. "Are you going to be with me, or are you going to be with him?"

Rey's mouth fell open in shock. She blinked and looked down for a minute, then shook her head. "Do you really want to ask that?" she chuckled angrily. Finn nodded firmly, waiting for her response. Rey just shook her head again. "You are absolutely ridiculous…" she said again. She went to the door and opened it. She paused and looked at him. "Neither, Finn. Grow up!" She left and slammed the door behind her.

Finn was shocked. He hesitated, looking at the door and deciding what to do. "She's ridiculous," he breathed.

"Dude, I'm sorry, but that was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," Poe told him. Finn looked at him, hurt. "Why the hell would you make her choose between you and her best friend?"

"I thought she would choose me!" he said honestly, grabbing his head. He looked up and glared at Poe. "Why the hell didn't you back me up, bro?!"

Poe gulped. "Honestly, I can't say against him without… never mind," he started. "But Finn, she kept trying to say that she loves you and you would respond with some paranoid accusation, you just weren't listening to her. I agree that he's a dirtbag, dude, really, I do, but what if Rey told you she hated me and didn't want you to talk to me anymore?"

"She wouldn't do that, man, you're great…" Finn argued.

Poe blinked. "No… well, thanks, but…" he tried. "But what if she had hard evidence that I wasn't great, that I was a shitty person, and she kept trying to convince you that I was a shitty person, but you wouldn't believe her unless she showed you hard evidence, right?" He watched Finn try to process this. "Don't overthink it, buddy."

Poe sat up as his door opened, and his face paled. "She needs… she needs proof that Hux is a terrible person?" Finn realized. He turned. "Rey, I understand-" He frowned deeply.

"I'm not Rey, and I'm not a terrible person," Hux told him. He looked at Poe. "Are you saying things about me that you should perhaps not be telling your simple-minded little friend here?"

Finn stood up. "Shut the fuck up," he growled. "So what if he is saying shit about you?!"

"I'm not saying anything about you," Poe said quickly, Finn turned and looked at his friend, frowning deeply.

"Your ex is in my room right now, crying her eyes out," Hux told him with a smirk.

Finn turned back to him. "Ex? What are you talking about?" he hissed.

"Rey said she finally broke up with you," he explained, a taunting tone to his voice. "And she came to me for comfort. That must hurt you, right?"

Finn's mouth fell open. Rey hadn't broken up with him… had she? He tried to think of what she had said. You're ridiculous…. You're getting on my nerves…. He can't be any worse than you...

Finn gasped suddenly. He had made her choose, and she had said neither.

As in neither Hux nor him!

"No… no no no, that isn't what I wanted!" he cried. "No, tell her to come here!"

"I can't right now, she's in the shower," Hux told him. He walked over, closing the space between them so that he could say what he wanted more quietly. "In my shower. Not yours. You must have hurt her so badly Finn, you should have seen her crying. But I'm here now to make her feel better, to make her see what she really needs."

"She doesn't need an asshole like you," Finn spat at him.

"Hm, no she doesn't," he agreed. "It's a good thing I'm not an asshole. To her, at least. For now. I might change eventually." He could see that Finn was close to his breaking point, shaking slightly as his fists clenched tightly at his sides, his jaw tensing with every word that was shot at him. It would be interesting to see how much he could handle before breaking. "You know, I think she's starting to like me, Finn, maybe she's been waiting for this opportunity, to break up with you, for a long time?"

"Shut up..." Finn growled.

"Isn't that a thought? She's been waiting for the opportune moment to break up with you so that she can run to me, so that I can save her and she can be with me?" he taunted him further.

"I swear to god, if you don't shut the fuck up-" Finn warned.

"And she's such a pretty girl Finn, I wouldn't mind at all being her savior," he continued. "She's so weak it will be easy to coax her into bed with me." He grinned. "If it hurts so much that I'm who she goes to for comfort, then it will absolutely kill you when I fuck her." He hissed it right in Finn's face. He could see out of the corner of his eye that the younger man's fists were shaking, he could see his slutty friend moving slowly towards them, knowing that Finn was going to lose his cool any second. "She doesn't scream for you, but trust me, you'll hear her screaming her lungs out for me-"

Finn cried out in anger and threw a punch at Hux, then another, then another. He lost count after a while, just hitting him anywhere he could. He could hear Poe trying to stop him, feel him trying to pull him away. He couldn't take this anymore. He had known that Hux was after Rey! He wasn't going to let this bastard touch her. Hell, he would be satisfied if Hux had to be sent to the hospital for what he had just said.

"Finn!"

He looked up and saw Rey in the doorway, a towel wrapped around her, and a horrified look on her face. Finn realized that Hux hadn't fought back at all, but he was satisfied that he had proof for her now, and Poe had witnessed everything. "You should have heard what he was saying, Rey! I was right, he's going to hurt you-" he told her.

"Let go of him," she demanded, her voice shaking. She looked like she was going to cry.

Finn had never seen her look like that, so afraid, so ashamed. He realized that he had Hux pinned up against the wall, and he let go of him, letting him drop to the floor. He rushed over to her. "Rey, he fessed up-" he started.

Rey shoved him out of her way, hurrying over to Hux and kneeling next to him. "Are you alright?" she asked worriedly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry…"

"D-Don't worry, love, it isn't your fault," he told her, wincing as he tried to sit up. She quickly assisted him. "Just… let's get out of here…" He stood up carefully, assisted by her, and she led him out the door.

"Rey no! Don't go with him," Finn called.

"Shut up, Finn!" she snapped, turning to look at him. He frowned. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Finn gulped. "I'm trying to protect you!" he cried.

"You are messed up! My cousin has been committed for three months, and you're more messed up than him!" she screamed at him. She took a breath. "You know what? I changed my mind, I'm not going to chose neither of you." She turned to Hux and touched his face gently, leaning up and kissing him.

Finn sucked in a breath. "Rey…" he breathed out, he could feel every little piece of his heart breaking. He could see the way Hux's face lit up as she kissed him, he could see Rey struggling to hold back tears. She was doing this to spite him, he knew, and he couldn't believe she was doing something so cruel to him. When she finally pulled away, she kept her eyes on Hux sheepishly, her cheeks red.

He kissed her head. "I'm going to go sit down," he told her. "It hurts to stand." Rey nodded and watched him go into his room, shutting the door behind him.

"What the fuck?" Finn whimpered. She turned and looked at him, her mouth falling open with a lack of excuse. "Rey, why would you do that to me…?"

"I-I might be pregnant," she blurted. Finn stumbled back. "I-I'm sorry…" She turned and hurried into Hux's dorm, closing the door behind her.

Poe and Finn were silent for a moment. "Holy shit…" Poe said after a while. "Bro, what are you gonna do-?"

"Doesn't matter, it's her problem now," he spat. "It's not like you would help me out anyway! I thought you were my friend, Poe!" He started crying and wiped his eyes quickly, slamming the front door and storming into the bedroom, slamming that door behind him too.

Poe felt like he had really let Finn down. He knew he had. The least he could do was make dinner and clean up the dorm. He got to work with the cleaning first, figuring it would be a good way to clear up his thoughts, and would give Finn some time to calm down. He really didn't think Rey was thinking straight, it would make sense if she turned out to be pregnant, they could blame her outburst on her raging hormones. Poe had had a few pregnancy scares with past one night stands and that had been overwhelming. He couldn't imagine how Finn must feel, not to mention Rey.

Cleaning up didn't take too long, he was done in under thirty minutes. He moved to the kitchen, looking through the fridge. He winced. Right… grocery shopping was his chore this week… he had totally spaced it.

Chinese food it was then.

He went to the couch and grabbed the menu to the local Chinese food place out of the drawer in their side table. He ordered what he knew was Finn's favorite, then his own. He hung up once the order was done and closed his eyes for a moment. He was jolted by a sudden knock on the door. That couldn't be the food already, it had been two minutes… and also they couldn't get to the third floor of the dorms without a key, and-

Another knock forced him to get up and open the door. He was shocked to see the two girls that he had slept with about five months back. Sarah and Joyce were their names, if he remembered correctly. He was probably wrong.

"Um, hey girls, what's going on? Long time no see," he greeted awkwardly.

"Hi Poe," the blonde haired one- Joyce? -said coldly.

"Notice anything different about us?" possible-Sarah questioned him.

Poe could barely remember what they looked like five months ago, what did they want? The hallway was pretty dark he probably was missing something important. "Um… no…?" he told them.

"Why don't we go inside and sit down?" the blonde suggested, motioning to the couch.

"Uh, sure, but no sex, I have a boyfriend," he told them, opening the door to let them in. They went in, and he closed the door, going to the couch and sitting down. "So, what's-"

Now he saw it.

"O-Oh shit…" he breathed. "Both of you?!"  
\---

Rey quickly put her shorts and tank top back on when she and Hux had returned to his dorm, then went through his medicine cabinet and frowned. "Do you have a first-aid kit?" she called to him.

Hux was sitting on his couch, holding his head. "Um… yes, it's under Ben's bed, I think," he told her. She hurried out of the bathroom and over to Ben's side of the room. "Be careful when you're under there not to stab yourself…" She looked over at him and frowned. "I tried to clean it out but there's probably still needles under there…"

Rey sighed and shook her head, kneeling on the ground next to her cousin's bed and reaching under. The felt a box and pulled it out. She frowned, seeing that it was just a cardboard box, and opened it to see what was inside. "This is all Ben's, right?" she asked.

"I think so. I don't touch his stuff, I just throw away what I know is garbage," Hux agreed. She nodded, seeing that there were mostly just notebooks and sketchpads. She opened one of the notebooks up and frowned, flipping through it. Ben had started out writing long diary entries, real thoughts and feelings. Those entries were dated back to before the accident… Her hand froze on the last page, the entry the day before the accident. He had written about how happy he was, about how he finally felt like he was in control. She covered her mouth a bit. She didn't blame him for the accident…. He hadn't seen the truck, it had ran through a red light at 90 miles an hour, he had had the right of way, he had just gotten his license…

Rey turned the page. It was dated seven months later, around the time he would have gotten out of the hospital. Whatever he had written had been crossed out violently, and underneath it were just backslashes. For pages and pages. She flipped through the pages. More than half of the book was taken up by \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ with the occasional phrase like kill yourself and it was your fault. They're dead because of you and please help me written between backslashes in scratchy, bold, all capital letters. On the last page of the notebook, he had written a paragraph. It was dated to the day he had been committed. The last few read "Poe will be better off without you. Rey will be better off without you. You'll be free of him. Kill yourself, Ben. Han Solo and Mara are dead because of you. Kill yourself, Ben. Please help me, Rey…"

She heard Hux cough from the couch and she jumped, wiping her eyes quickly and shutting the notebook, throwing it back in the box. She pushed the box aside and reached back under the bed, feeling another, thinner box. She pulled it out a few used needles rolling out with it. She shuttered and put the first-aid box back on the bed.

"W-What should I do with these?" she asked softly, her voice cracking. She picked up the needles.

"Be careful, just put them in the trash, I'll make sure they're disposed of," he said. She nodded and put them in the tiny trash-can near Ben's bed. She stood up and brought the first-aid kit over to him, sitting next to him and opening it. There wasn't much in there, mostly just band-aids and rubbing alcohol wipes. She glanced at him and rolled her eyes, standing up.

"That is not a good first-aid kit. If one of you got seriously injured, a few plasters and wipes would be useless," she sighed, going to his linen closet and pulling out a washcloth, running it under the sink in the bathroom. She wrung it out while Hux tried to come up with an excuse for not having one, and came back out to the living room, sitting down next to him again. She started gently dabbing at a cut on his jaw with the cloth and he flinched away wincing. "Hold still, I need to clean it out."

"Rey, you don't have to, I'll be fine," he tried.

She pulled him back over to him. "I want to," she told him. "This is my fault, I have to do something…" She dabbed at the cut again and he flinched. "Love, if you'd like me to use the alcohol wipes, I'm sure it would clean it much better."

"No! No, no, I'll hold still," he told her, letting her clean out the blood around his wounds. "It isn't your fault."

"Stop it, it is my fault. Finn was angry because he's an idiot and was convinced that you were going to hurt me," she sighed. "I-I had no idea that he was be so overprotective…" She gently wiped at his lip, which was split slightly near the corner. "Oh god, I'm so sorry…"

"Please stop apologizing, there's nothing to apologize for," he said softly.

Rey shook her head and put her hands in her lap, looking down at the bloodstained cloth. "H-He did this…" she breathed, looking at him, blinking back tears. "Why would he do this to you, you didn't do anything…?" She looked down again, feeling guilty about all of this.

Hux took her hand gently. "Finn was afraid," he told her, touching her chin gently, bringing her gaze back to him. "He was afraid that I was going to steal you from him…" He watched tears fall from of her eyes and he brought his other hand to her jaw, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. "But he pushed you right to me…" She closed her eyes and he smirked slightly. "He did, didn't he?" He moved closer so that his lips were hovering over hers, waiting for a response. He felt her head move in a nod, and he pressed his lips to hers in another kiss. This one was different than the first one. Well, at least the circumstances were different for him to take advantage of. In the hallway, she had kissed him, and it had been out of the anger towards her idiot boyfriend. Now he was kissing her because he could, because she was weak, and needed someone to comfort her and protect her.

Rey couldn't help that her breath was taken away by kissing him. She didn't want to fall for him, she wanted to be with Finn, in all honesty. But Finn wasn't who he had seemed to be. He had hurt this man for no good reason. So she kissed him back, moving closer to him and touching his face again. She moved back and just looked at him for a moment. He smiled weakly. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked. She bit her lip and nodded, so he stood up and walked over to his desk. "Alright, I will say that I prefer gin and tonic, but I have whiskey. Although both of those might be too strong for you."

"Whatever you think would be best. I've only ever had beer and a few sips of wine," she told him quietly, embarrassed by her own innocence.

Hux smiled slightly. "Gin and tonic it is, then," he said, pulling two glasses and a bottle of gin out of a drawer. He set them on the table and mixed them together. He watched Rey pull out her phone and took her moment of distraction to pull out a vial of a liquefied drug out of the drawer. He uncapped it carefully, but hesitated, glancing at her, screwing the cap back on and throwing it in the drawer again. "Have you ever smoked pot?"

Rey looked up at him, setting her phone down on the table. "No," she told him softly. She had texted her Dad, telling him what had happened and asking him what she should do. He would be at work right now, so he wouldn't reply right away. "Why do you ask?"

"Well," Hux started, handing her drink to her and sipping his. "It's romantic to smoke weed with a partner, for one thing."

Rey gulped. "Are we partners now?" she questioned.

"I assume so," he chuckled. "We kissed a few moments ago, I take that as a sign of a consensual, mutual more-than-friends feeling towards one another, don't you think?"

"I suppose so, yes," she agreed softly. "So are we dating then? You don't think it's too fast?"

"Yes, and no," he told her. She smiled weakly and looked down a bit, sipping her drink. "Is that to your liking? The drink, I mean."

"Yes, it's good," she told him quickly. "So… what else about smoking pot is good?"

He smiled and went back over to his desk, starting to roll two blunts. "It helps you relax. It will help take your mind off of everything that's troubling you." She nodded slowly. "Would you like to try?"

"What if it leads to something else? Something… bad," she asked hesitantly.

Hux sighed and walked over to her with the blunts and his lighter. "Ben's a special case," he told her. She shifted in her seat "He got into heroin because someone pressured him to do it, I believe…"

"That's horrible," she breathed, looking shocked. "Who would pressure someone into doing something like that? When he was already in so much pain… t-that was the last thing he needed..."

Hux brought one of the blunts to his lips and lit it. "No idea, must have been before college," he mumbled. He sucked in the smoke and blew out a little handing it to her. "It won't hurt you, I promise. It will sting if you've never smoked anything, but it won't affect your health." Rey nodded and took it, putting it to her lips. "Don't breathe it in right away, just do it a little at a time." Rey did what he told her to do, coughing a bit. He rubbed her back and kissed her head. She tried again a few times until she didn't cough as much anymore. He watched her. He just needed her to relax and warm up to the idea of being only his.

They passed the blunt between them for about half an hour, talking and laughing. Rey cuddled up to him and kissed his neck, taking out her phone and opening Snapchat "What's that, love?" he asked.

"I want to take a picture of us to send to my friends," she explained happily. She turned her phone slightly so that both of them were visible. He sighed and leaned over, kissing her cheek while she took the picture. She sent it to a few friends, took a few more to send, then threw her phone aside, ignoring the text from her Dad. She could respond to that later. She turned and straddled him. He leaned back to give her more room, grabbing her hips. She leaned down and kissed him deeply, running her hand through his hair. He hummed and shifted under her. She pulled back and pressed her forehead to his. "Do you know what we should do?" He raised an eyebrow. "You should turn on some music, then, you should fuck me." Hux shifted again, grabbing her hips harder so he could lift her up.

"That sounds like a plan, indeed," he mumbled, carrying her over to his bed. He set her down on the bed and hastily began undressing her, throwing her tank top and shorts to the side.

"Music?" she reminded her, kicking off her panties, leaving her bare.

He sat up and unbuttoned his shirt all the way, shrugging it off. He leaned down, unbuckling his belt while kissing and sucking at her neck. "Any noise I can get out of you will be music to my ears," he told her, his voice low and possessive. She shivered and grabbed at his hair as he kissed down her neck and torso.

\---Three Months Later---

Finn didn't know how to describe how he felt, other than that he wanted to die. He had been three months without Rey. Three months having to hear her across the hall, seeing all of her Snapchats, mostly consisting of pictures of Hux, about how happy and lucky she was. But he hadn't seen her once. It scared him. It just kept reminding him that she wasn't his Rey…

To add onto his anxiety, Poe wasn't himself. He was more reserved, more quiet, more secretive. Finn felt like he had lost everything and he didn't know why…

He was thankful that, at least, Poe still considered him a friend. He didn't hate him. And Finn didn't hate him, he had forgiven Poe for not backing him up, understanding that he probably shouldn't have gotten involved anyway. But Poe was still upset about something. Finn was trying to get Poe to tell him anything, just something about what was going on. He knew that he had knocked up those two girls, that he hadn't been able to graduate and had to drop out, same with Ben, but he had that all covered.

"Does it have to do with Hux?" Finn guessed. Poe didn't say anything, sucking on his cigarette and leaning against the brick wall of their dorm building. They were taking a break from packing their things into boxes. The Spring Semester had come to a close on Friday, when the seniors had graduated, and anyone who wasn't living on campus over the summer had to be out by Monday. He wondered where Rey was going to live... Finn grabbed the edge of the bench he was sitting on and leaned forward. "Ben asked you if Hux raped you. Did he? Does he? I can help, maybe it will help keep Rey-"

"You need to mind your own fucking business…" Poe snapped at him. Finn frowned and sat back. He looked out towards the parking lot and his face paled.

"Look it's Rey…" he breathed. "She looks… is she…?" Poe glanced at Rey and almost choked on the smoke he inhaled. Rey approached the door, and Finn stood up so fast that he almost knocked the bench over. "H-Hi Rey, um…." he started. She glanced at him, something about her eyes giving him the impression that she was sad. "Are you pregnant?"

Rey raised an eyebrow. "Yes," she mumbled. "I'm three months along."

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Finn hissed.

"Why are you freaking out? I'm not even with you, Finn," Rey sighed, shaking her head and trying to dig her keys out of her purse.

"How long has it been since you got your period?" he asked seriously.

Rey frowned. "Three months," she told him again, more slowly.

"I'm not an idiot, I just want you to hear that!" Finn snapped. "Rey, you know we were still together three months ago! So you were pregnant when we broke up!?"

"Stop yelling at me!" she snapped back at him, her voice wavering. "I got with Colin three months ago too, so don't get all excited!"

"I'm not all excited! I'm pissed that you didn't tell me until now!" Finn told her.

"Finn, I didn't have to tell you that I was pregnant," she hissed at him, turning to look at him. "My boyfriend knows, and that's all that matters!"

"I hate that," he growled.

"What? You hate what?" Rey questioned.

"That you call him your boyfriend, I hate it," he clarified. Rey's mouth fell open and she rolled her eyes. "Seriously! So, what now? Are you going to marry him and have kids with him? Is that what you want, Rey?!"

"I don't know what I want, Finn!" she snapped at him, her voice cracking and tears pooling in her eyes. He was taken aback. "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry that I made a mistake and now I don't know what to do with my life! I'm sorry that if it's yours he won't be able to meet you, and if it's Colin's that I'll be sorry that it isn't yours!"

Finn blinked. "Rey, I'm not mad, I'm not mad at you," he tried. He touched her shoulder and she shoved it away. "Please, I don't want you to hate me…"

"I don't," she told him, turning away from him. "I've had a bump since the end of my first month, and I was scared. I don't hate you I'm just scared..."

"Wait, you've had a baby bump?" Poe spoke up. "Since one month?" Rey nodded. "Jesus, are you sure you'll only three months?"

"Yeah, I got my period four months ago," she told him. "I got an ultrasound today, the baby's in the first trimester developmentally, but is about the size of an average five month old."

"You got an ultrasound?" Finn asked. Rey looked up at him and nodded. "C-Can I see?" Rey gulped and nodded, going into her purse and pulling it out, handing it to him. "Oh… oh wow…" He looked over it, Poe coming behind him to look at it as well.

"It's so big…" Poe said. "And you're so small, how are you going to handle it-?"

"I don't know, I don't want to think about it," she said quickly. "I'm continuing my degree online next year, and Colin got his diploma on Friday...we're moving to his house."

"What? Why?" Finn breathed, looking up at her with the saddest, most hurt eyes she had ever seen. He looked afraid. "W-When?"

"T-Tomorrow… all our things should be there by tomorrow," she told him. "I-I'm sorry…"

"Do you love him?" he asked softly.

She stared at him and blinked. "I-I don't know… but I don't have anywhere else to go, not with Ben planning to take the guest room in my Dad and Aunt's place when he gets out…" she pointed out quietly.

"You can stay with me," he tried, going to take her hands.

"Finn, I broke up with you," she reminded him, pushing his hands away. "Colin is my boyfriend now…"

Finn bit his lip and nodded, backing away. "Yeah… yeah, I know…" he sighed, sitting back down on the bench. "C-Congratulations. On the baby, I mean… I'll see you around…"

She looked at him, then up at Poe, sadly. Poe wasn't looking at either of them, staring at the ground and absentmindedly kicking at the gravel pathway. She saw someone just past him and her eyes widened. "Poe, look," she told him.

Poe glanced up at her and followed her gaze, his jaw dropping and his eyes widening, then tearing up. "Oh my god," he breath, throwing his cigarette into the ashtray and quickly running towards the parking lot. "Ben!" He jumped into his boyfriend's arms, holding him. "Oh my god, is it really you?!"

Ben laughed. "Of course it is…" He kissed Poe. "Of course it's me. Did you miss me?"

"Shut up, of course I did," Poe sobbed, holding his face and kissing him deeply. "I love you so much… wait, what are you doing here? Are you… out? For good?"

"I am," Ben smiled down at him. Poe's face lit up and he kissed him again. Ben kissed him back, putting his forehead to his when they pulled away. "Wow… I didn't know I could be this happy…" He looked over as Rey walked towards them and gasped. "Woah! You're pregnant!"

"Yeah…" Rey smiled sadly.

Ben let go of Poe, although he still held his hand, and hugged Rey. He put a hand on her belly. "What kind of baby is it?" he asked, his voice full of excitement. Rey chuckled. "I mean like, is it a kid? Wait no, like, is it a girl kid, or a boy kid?"

Rey touched his hand. "It's too early to tell," she explained to him. "I have to wait until I'm about five months along to know what I'm having."

Ben raised his eyebrows. "But you're so big already! I remember when Mara was pregnant with you, she wasn't this big until she almost had you!" he said. He looked at Poe. "Why didn't you tell me? You said she thought she might be pregnant, not she was!"

"Haven't seen her much," Poe told him honestly. "Have you… um… given any thought to whether or not you want to raise those kids with me?"

Ben tried to hold back his smile. "I have," he told him.

Poe raised an eyebrow. "And…?" he inquired nervously.

"Well I mean," Ben said, rubbing the back of his neck. "If we did that together, we'd probably have to get married."

Poe looked down and nodded. "I get it, don't worry-" he said quietly.

"Hold on, I haven't finished," Ben cut him off. Poe looked up at him. "I don't know how this marriage stuff works, so you're gonna have to bare with me here…" He reached into his pocket. "See, I have this ring, and I think I'm supposed to give it to you…" He pulled the ring out of his pocket and Poe's face lit up. "I don't know if there's anything else I'm supposed to do, but I just have to ask you to marry me now, right?" Poe started crying and nodded. "W-Wait, don't cry, it's good, I want to marry you! And I want you to marry me! What did I do wrong?" He took Poe's hand.

Poe touched his face and kissed him. "Nothing, you didn't do anything wrong, you want to marry me," he smiled. "It's happy crying again. I'll marry you, baby, of course I'll marry you."

Ben sighed with relief. "I don't understand how you cry when you're happy," he laughed, kissing him and putting the ring on his finger.

Rey watched them. She put her hand on her belly and looked down, hurrying towards the dorms again. "Rey!" she heard from behind her. She looked back and saw Colin jogging towards her. She smiled weakly and waited, glancing at Finn, who was sitting on the bench with his face in his hands. She looked up at Ben stepped in front of Hux and shoved him back.

"Where do you think you're going?" he snapped.

Hux smirked. "Oh, joy, you're back," he chuckled, he attempted to push past Ben. Ben shoved him again.

"Ben, stop it, he's alright," Rey told him.

"Bullshit, he's alright," Ben growled. "Whatever he says to you he's lying. Finn's been trying to tell you for months, start listening."

"Careful," Hux mumbled to him.

"Ben, he's fine, let go of him," she said calmly.

"He's not fine," Ben snapped. "He's done horrible things to everyone here, and you have to stop hanging with him!"

Finn looked up at Rey, who looked back at him. "W-What's he done that's so bad?" she asked Ben.

Ben started to respond when Poe grabbed onto him and turned him so they were looking at each other. "Nothing, he hasn't done anything," Poe told her. Ben frowned deeply.

"It's stuff he did to me, it's behind me now, I'm ready to get rid of him," he whispered, turning to talk to Rey. "He-"

"Ben, please don't!" Poe whimpered, pulling him towards the door. Ben looked back at him and frowned. "Please, let's just go inside, Rey doesn't have to know all that…"

It clicked for Ben in that moment. He turned quickly towards Hux and slammed his fist into his stomach. Rey gasped and hurried over as Hux doubled over and dropped to his knees. "Colin, are you okay?!" she questioned worriedly, rubbing his back as she knelt down carefully next to him.

"F-Fine…" he wheezed. "Your friends and family like to beat me up, don't they? I can't wait to be rid of them…" Rey looked sad.

"I'm so sorry, Colin," she told him, taking his hand. She looked up at her cousin. "What the hell, Ben?!"

"You need to get away from him, Rey," Ben told her. "You have no idea what you're dealing with..."

"I do, actually…" Rey said coldly, helping Colin stand up. "I've spent three months with him and he's one of the nicest people I know."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "You don't know him at all if you think that," he told her. She glared at him.

Hux stood up and winced. "Come on, love we should finish up the last of the packing and get it in the car…" he said, putting his hand on her waist.

"No, you should rest, I'll pack up whatever's left and find someone to help me lift the heavy things…" she told him. She started walking him back towards the door. "Ben, please don't bother us…"

"You aren't happy," Ben told her. "I can see it in your….. face! The way your eyes look, a-and they way your voice sounds! What's wrong with you? What's he done to you?"

"Poe has all of your stuff that was in our room, so please just don't bother us!" she tried. "Ben I'm not letting anyone else get hurt."

"You have no idea what you're doing, Rey…" Ben told her. "I want to help you, I do… but Poe is my top priority, and if you aren't going to cooperate, then you're on your own." He took Poe's hand and grabbed his bag off of the grass, going inside in front of them.

Rey watched her cousin storm off and looked over at Finn, who was still sitting on the bench. He looked up sadly and stood up. "Good luck, you two… with the baby…" he said quietly, following Poe and Ben.

"You're better off without them," Hux told them. "They act like they control you… they don't."

"I know… but when Ben gets defensive-" she started.

"It usually means nothing," he cut her off. He hugged her. "We don't need them. We can manage just fine on our own."

"B-But I'm not happy," she admitted.

"Yes you are," he told her. She frowned. "You are, trust me."

Rey suddenly felt unsafe as he held her. She wanted her friends and family, she wanted Finn. "I-I suppose…" she said hesitantly. He looked down at her, something sharp in his gaze. "They're my friends. Ben's like my brother…"

"Well, now I'm all you need," Hux told her. She gulped. "You'll become good friends with my friends, and my father will… well, he'll accept you as much as he accepts me." He took her hand and pulled her into the building.

Rey felt utterly alone, she felt like an idiot. She touched her stomach and followed him, wanting Ben or Finn to pull him away from her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized that she didn't have her ultrasound picture. Finn did. All she could do was hope that he wouldn't let her and almost certainly his baby go as easily as he had let her go before. She had tried to tell him that she wasn't happy, that she loved him, but she never knew if Finn picked up on subtle hints like that.

She could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: What did you think of this chapter? Comment/Review your thoughts! I will be in Japan from tomorrow (June 8th 2016) to July 6th 2016, so I doubt I will get Chapter 8 done very soon, but who knows!! Thank you for reading!


	8. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Sorry it took so long for this chapter! Been busy in Japan! Here's chapter 8! ENJOY!
> 
> (random side note: thank you guys for not pointing out my spelling errors throughout this story, I go back later and see them and feel so embarrassed haha :( when I'm done with the whole fic I'll go back and fix spelling chapter by chapter!)

"You need to stay away from her."

Hux looked up from transferring the last of his socks from his drawer into his suitcase, and smiled. "How does it feel to be out of the insane asylum?" he asked Ben, ignoring his order. "You must feel so refreshed. And you must be itching for your drugs." He reached into his drawer and tossed him a box. Ben didn't catch it. "I see…"

"You need to stay away from Poe, too," Ben continued to warn him. "I mean it, I'll fucking kill you if you lay a hand on him."

"So you don't want your heroin, love?" Hux asked, walking over and picking up his box. He stood up straight, right in front of him now.

"I'm never touching that stuff again," he told him coldly. "I'm not allowed to."

"You are twenty one, you know, you're a big adult man now. You can make your own decisions," Hux told him calmly.

"I'm done with you. Rey and Poe and my Mom would all fucking kill me if I went back to that life," Ben scoffed

"You didn't give a shit about them before, why all of a sudden are you feeling?" Hux sneered.

Ben glared at him. "Don't you have people that you don't want to disappoint in your life? Don't you have people that you want to spend your time around?" he questioned.

Hux laughed. "Do you know me at all?" he chuckled. "I can't even imagine a life where I had to be around my parents. They were never there when I was a kid, I was raised by servants. Hopefully by the time I get settled with Rey, my father will be dead, and I'll be able to fall right in as the CEO of my his company. If not… well, I probably won't have to wait that long."

"You might be even more messed up than me, you know that?" Ben growled. "What about a family? You say you want to settle down with Rey, which you won't, so you want a family or whatever? Do you want kids?"

"I wouldn't mind having a child to take over after me. And I'd like to have Rey around me to keep me company, but love is nothing but a concept, a weakness that leads to an unsuccessful life," Hux explained to him. "Don't you agree?"

Ben stared at him. "I feel a lot better now, thank you," he told him.

"Oh? Why is that?" he questioned with a smile.

"You showed me that I'm not the biggest asshole in the world," he said, smirking. "I'm also not the only person who lies to himself."

Hux looked down the hall. "Lies are easier for me to live with," he agreed. "But I guess I've never really told the truth, so I wouldn't know the difference." Ben sighed and stared at him. "How's your boyfriend? Is he being cooperative?"

"None of your business," Ben snapped. "And for the record, Poe doesn't need to be cooperative. If Poe is feeling like he can't deal with me, then he has every right to his space."

"My my, I don't know how to feel about this new, socially educated Ben," Hux chuckled. Ben glared at him. "I'm sure you'd be much more fun to play with now. Hey, do you remember a few months back? When I got drunk and did all that Daddy shit and you made me choke on your cock?" Ben backed up a little. "No, no, I'm not saying you should do that. But for the longest time I thought it felt so good to be submissive and punished and have the control taken away from me."

"I really don't care about your sexual preferences," Ben grumbled, turning to go to Poe and Finn's dorm.

"Oh, you might," he argued, arrogance in his tone. "I've been turning the tables recently, and I must say it feels astounding to have that kind of power over a person. With Rey wrapped around my finger it's easy to get her on her knees." Ben froze and turned towards him, his hands curling into fists. "But of course, she's pregnant now, so I've been left with my other toy, and Poe really has no choice but to do as I say. He's a beauty tied up, I must say." Ben's face twisted in anger. "And my goodness, I didn't know that someone could fit so much down their throat. The reason I asked my question earlier, about him being cooperative with you? Well, let me just tell you, if he isn't doing what you want, I must take the blame, because he's very, very cooperative with me."

Ben was about to charge at him when he heard Rey call his name from down the hall. He looked over and saw her carrying a box towards the room. He looked back at Hux, noting that he was making his pregnant girlfriend do all the work. Ben hurried over to Rey and picked up the box from her arms. "Ben, I've got it, it's fine," she sighed putting a hand on her stomach. "It's really not that heavy."

"No, you shouldn't be carrying things while you're pregnant," he said shortly. "What's in this?"

Rey blushed a little. "I-It's some of Finn's things…. I was hoping to bring it to him myself…" she said quietly.

Ben frowned. "Finn's pretty upset right now," he told her. "But I mean, you're welcome to drop off whatever you need to." He lead her to the door and unlocked it with the spare key Poe had made up for him.

"Rey." She looked behind her at Hux who was still in the doorway. "Where are you going?"

"I need to give Finn his things back," she told him. He grabbed her arm. "Colin-"

"Ben's got the stuff, there's no need for you to go along," he said shortly, starting to pull her back into the room.

She ripped her arm from his grasp and went back out the door. "I need to do this, he needs to know that I don't hate him," she explained firmly.

"Don't bother, dear," he argued. "Trust me, if I were him, I wouldn't want to talk to you."

Rey looked down. Finn had seemed really sad… he would probably just mumble something and close the door. "I-I guess…" she agreed. She looked at Ben. "Do you… think you could give him that for me…?" She had written Finn a note, he would see it and understand.

"Yeah… sure thing, kid," Ben sighed.

"We're going to Japan," he told her, pulling out his cigarettes.

"Oh?" she chuckled, watching with disgust as he put one of them between his lips and lit it."Why are we going to Japan? And can you not smoke? You know I hate those things, Colin..."

"My father is an officer at he naval base. He'd like to meet my wife," he mumbled, shoving his lighter back into his pocket.

Ben glanced down at Rey, who looked shocked. "You haven't got a wife," she said.

"I will. Before we go to Japan," he told her.

Rey blinked, then frowned. "Are you asking me if I'll marry you?" she questioned.

"Hm… I suppose that is what I'm doing," he smiled. Rey blushed and looked down. "Ben you can bring Finn his stuff now, no need for you to loiter around."

"Don't tell me what to do," Ben growled. He leaned down to Rey. "You can't marry him…"

"W-Why not…?" she questioned.

"He's done horrible things," he told her. "He's a bad person."

"But what-?"

"Rey, why don't you come in here now?" Hux said shortly, holding out his hand. She hesitated and took it. He pulled her inside and closed the door. She frowned and looked down, feeling bad. She felt his hands touch her face and gently motion for her to look up at him, which she did. "You're so pretty, Rey…"

"You want to marry me?" she questioned softly. "Why?"

Hux smiled. "Because I love you," he told her. Rey looked shocked by this and he raised an eyebrow. "This surprises you?"

"Y-Yes it does…" she admitted. "I-I don't feel like I know you…"

Hux hesitated. "If you marry me, I can make sure all of Ben's debts are paid off. That he's left with extra, that he has a home for Poe and his family," he offered. Rey looked up at him, obviously interested. "And Finn too. I'll give him a good place to live. I know he's a bit let down by us being together, and by the baby. That's the least we can do, right?" He took her hands and she gulped. "If you marry me, I can insure your family's safety. Just say yes, my dear."

"Is that your proposal?" she questioned quietly.

He chuckled and got down on one knee. "Is this better?" he asked, pulling a ring out of his pocket.

Rey looked away. Honestly it wasn't. Now he could see her crying. "Sure," she mumbled. She held out her hand. He smiled and put the ring on, standing up and kissing her.

Hux could feel her crying as he kissed her, but ignored it for the time being. He put his forehead to her's. "You're happy," he told her. "Don't cry."

"I-I'm sorry…" she breathed, barely audible.

"Just trust me," he said calmly, hugging her and petting her hair.

She trembled a bit. "You're really going to do that for my family?" she asked nervously.

"Of course, dear," he agreed. "Come on, we should go."

"I have to say goodbye to them-"

"You'll see them all again," he sighed, grabbing her purse off of the otherwise empty desk and leading her out the door.

"But not before we leave for Japan," she pointed out. "It won't take long, I promise…"

"No, we're already behind schedule as it is…" he told her, holding her by the wrist to bring her out to his car.

Rey looked behind her, feeling scared about leaving them all behind. She wanted to know that Ben was ok, she wanted Finn… but she didn't feel like she deserved him.  
\---

"Hey, is Finn in here?" Ben called as he opened the door to Finn and Poe's dorm.

"Just me, baby!" Poe yelled back to him from the bedroom. "Hey, come here!"

Ben walked over to the bedroom and dropped Finn's box on his bed. "Whatcha got?" he asked climbing on the bed behind Poe and hugging him, kissing his neck. He pulled Poe onto his lap, surprised when he turned around quickly so that they were facing each other, and hugged him tighter. "Woah, hey, baby-" He heard a sob and felt Poe bury his face in his shoulder. "Oh shit, what is it, are you ok?"

Poe moved his head so that he was looking at him and he nodded, kissing him deeply. Ben kissed back, touching his cheek. When Poe moved back, Ben saw that he had a huge smile on his face.

"You're happy-crying again, what are you happy crying about?" Ben asked.

"He's letting me go," Poe breathed, laughing lightly with joy.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Who's letting you go?" Poe pulled out his phone and showed him the screen.

"Hux! He texted me and said your debts are paid for, and I don't need to pay them off anymore," he told him, his voice shaking. "Do you think it's true?"

Ben frowned and looked at the text. "I don't see why he would text you if it wasn't," he said. "So…. He was hurting you?" Poe looked down and his smiled fell a little. "C-Christ, and you let him so that you could pay off my debt?" Poe nodded. Ben hugged him. "I-I didn't… you shouldn't have…"

"I didn't have a choice," he sniffed, frowning deeply. He kissed Ben. "I love you. It's over now, I'm free…" He hugged him again, never wanting to let him go. He moved back a bit and looked at him, reaching down and starting to unbuckle his belt. "You must be dying to fuck me~"

Ben blushed. "Are you sure you're up for it right now?" he asked, touching his hips gently.

"Of course I am," Poe smiled, kissing him and unbuckling Ben's belt as well. "It's been six months since we've fucked."

He hesitated, then smirked a little. "So what do you want me to do with you?" he teased, flipping them around so that he was on top of him. If Poe wanted to, then he was more than willing. It would be a good way to celebrate Poe's freedom, and Ben's return, plus those six months had been a nightmare in the sense that he hadn't even been able to touch himself...

"Anything," Poe breathed, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back on the pillows. Ben's smirk fell a bit. "You can do anything you want to me."

This was concerning to Ben. Usually Poe told him what he was in the mood for. He also didn't like that Poe was implying that Ben was going to do something to him, not with him. Poe thought he needed to do this for Ben...

"Let's just lay down and hold each other," he suggested, falling next to him. "We can enjoy each other's company… just talk…"

Poe turned his head to look at him. "You don't want to have sex with me?" he asked, frowning.

"Not now," Ben lied. "I just want to talk…" He put his arm around him.

"Is it because of him?" Poe asked coldly. Ben looked shocked at the sudden change in mood. "You think I'm disgusting now? I'm dirty and not yours anymore?"

"Poe, no," Ben said quickly. "Poe, you'll always be beautiful and perfect and mine. What he did to you… w-what you did for me… what you gave for me… it makes me feel sick…"

"I didn't want to you know! I did it because I couldn't stand to see him do it to you! I don't want to talk about it," Poe said, moving onto his lap again. "I want to have sex. With you. Now. I want you to be rough with me, or I want you to do weird stuff to me, whatever it is, I want you to do what you want."

Ben frowned, and stared up at his broken angel for a moment. He saw Poe's face soften into confusion, then anguish. "What is it?" he breathed.

"You're crying! What the hell is wrong with you?! I'm trying to make you happy!" he screamed, grabbing at the collar of Ben's shirt. He felt tears rolling down his own face and let go. "You don't want to, I get it, it's fine…"

"Poe…" Ben said softly. "Baby, you're being way to hard on yourself right now…" He hugged him gently, pulling him close again. "You don't have to do anything to make me happy. Just having you here with me is enough…" He pulled Poe so that they were laying down next to each other. Poe turned and held onto him. "D-Did he…" Poe looked up at him. "Did he do anything for you? To make you feel good? Or did it all hurt."

Poe sat up a bit and pulled off his sweatshirt and shirt, throwing them aside. He heard Ben suck in a breath and watched him sit up, touching the giant, fresh bruise that covered the entire left side of his torso. "He kicked me the other day… a lot," he explained. "And the one's on my arms and neck are where he grabbed me, and the cuts on my wrists are from the ropes. And my back is cut up from where he would whip me-"

Ben stood up and pulled him so that he stood too. He went around him, touching the bruises and cuts. Poe flinched away when he touched the cuts on his back. "Poe, these are going to get infected…" he told him seriously, pulling him out of the room and to the bathroom.

"I bet… he wouldn't help me clean them, he liked watching them bleed…" he told him, his voice shaking.

"Yeah, I know, come on, get in the shower," he said pulling down his pants and briefs. He tried hard not to freak out about the new bruises that this revealed as he turned on the shower water. There was still a bottle of body wash, since they planned on staying one more night and leaving the following day. He made sure the water was nice and warm for Poe and ran out the door to grab a washcloth and towels from the box outside the door, along with their first aid kit, which was much better than the one he and Hux had kept, considering that Finn was going into nursing and wouldn't settle for less than four different sized bandages in the kit.

"I should be welcoming you home, you shouldn't be tending to me…" Poe said sadly from the doorway. Ben looked up and brought him back in, putting the towels on the sink and undressing himself.

"You're traumatized, Poe, you need to be taken care of right now, I'm not even mad that this is my welcome home. I'm mad that we have to do this because of him, and because he showed me a fucking needle and I was hooked again after all those fucking years of fucking sobriety. But I would do this for you in any situation without a second thought," Ben told him, grabbing one of the wash clothes and getting into the shower, pulling Poe with him.

Poe let him gently wash his back, sobbing lightly from the stinging pain the soap caused. Ben just rubbed his hips gently and hushed him, trying to help him relax. He told him how much he loved him, how he was never going to let someone do this again. When he was done washing him he got them both out and dried him off carefully, getting antibiotic ointment and bandages out of the first aid kit. It took Ben a while to cover each cut with the ointment, but he made sure that it touched every area, then he wrapped his torso and back in the bandage. "Thank you," he heard Poe mumble. Ben paused, then tied off the bandage and sat in front of him.

"I would do anything for you Poe," he told him. He stood him up and dressed them. "Let's go rest, you need your rest."

Poe let himself be led to the bedroom and laid down in the bed. Ben got in next to him and covered him with a blanket. He shivered. "Please help me…" he breathed.

"I won't leave your side, not for anything," Ben promised, holding his broken angel.

The lay in silence for a while, then Poe jumped when he heard his phone vibrate from the bedside table. He grabbed it and looked at the screen, sitting up. "Oh shit…" he said.

"Oh shit, what?" Ben asked, sitting up as well.

"We have to go to the hospital," he told him, getting up quickly and pulling on his sweatshirt.

"What? Poe what happened are you okay, is everyone ok?" he asked.

"No, one of the girls is having her baby," he said frantically. "Shit, Ben! Fuck! We're supposed to have another month! We don't have anything we need, we don't have a crib, we don't have diapers- we're staying at your Mom's house, how are we supposed to do this?!"

"Hey, calm down, don't worry about my Mom, she understands," he told him seriously. "I'll go out and get all the stuff, and you go to the hospital."

"Do you know what to get?!" Poe asked, overwhelmed.

Ben hesitated. "I'll get my Mom to help me?" he said. "She'll know what to do." He got out his phone, and called his mother's number.

He heard the phone click and then a hesitant, "Hello…?"

"Hey, Mom!" Ben said getting on his shoes. "Hey so I need your help with something."

"Ben, why are you calling me, I thought you were in rehab?" she questioned nervously.

"Oh, yeah, I'm not in there, got out today," he explained. "But Mom, one of Poe's kids is being born today, and we don't have jack shit in the way of stuff for a baby. And I'm clueless, can you come shopping with me?"

Leia paused. "Of course, Ben," she agreed. "Just come and get me."

"No no no, you have to drive, I can't drive people, remember?" he reminded her. Poe glanced at him.

"How about I just meet you at Walmart?" she sighed.

"Sounds good, see you in fifteen?" he agreed, hanging up. He got up. "Let's go baby."

Poe blinked. "Why can't you drive people?" he asked.

Ben hesitated. "Last time I drove a car while other people were in it, two people died and me and Rey were in the hospital for seven months," he explained, his voice darkening. Poe sighed and went up on his toes, kissing him.

"I'll drive then, if you really feel uncomfortable," he said. Ben nodded. "Let's go, baby, we're gonna be parents."

"I think that might be the scariest thing anyone's ever said to me," he admitted, suddenly really nervous about this. "Wait, Poe, what if I mess them up?"

"Ben, you're going to be an amazing Dad," he told him. "Trust me, I believe that with all my heart." Ben smiled a bit and followed him out the door.  
\---

Ben was mentally cursing himself. Why the fuck did he think it would be a good idea to be alone with his mother? They had been walking around Walmart for an hour throwing stuff in the cart and they hadn't said a word to each other. He cleared his throat and she glanced up at him. "So… how are you?" he asked nervously.

Leia smiled a bit. "I'm fine, Ben, how are you?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah, I'm good, been good," he told her grabbing a random bottle off of the shelf and putting it back on again. "How's um… stuff?"

"You don't have to be nervous around me, Ben, I'm your mother," she told him rubbing his back.

"I haven't talked to you in… a number of years," he pointed out. "A number of years where I fell back into a pit of suicidal depression and heroin addiction. And now he's trying to marry my fucking cousin-"

"Watch your language, there are kids all over the place," she hissed. "Now who's trying to marry Rey? Finn? I like Finn, he's very nice."

Ben stopped and she ran into his back. He turned. "She didn't tell her Dad?" he asked frantically.

"Tell him what?" Leia asked.

"She broke up with Finn three months ago," he told her. She looked shocked. "She didn't tell me either. Did she tell him she's pregnant?" Leia's mouth fell open. "What the fuck is she doing…?"

"Language," she reminded him. "So who's trying to marry Rey?"

Ben hesitated. "My… drug dealer, the guy who was my roommate," he said hesitantly. Leia gasped and hit his arm. "Ow, why are you hitting me?!"

"How could you let her do that?!" she snapped.

"I wasn't even around! I just found out today," he snapped back. "She has no idea how bad he is… and now he's like… trying to convince her to marry him tonight so that they can go to Japan in the morning and meet his Dad or something…" He said. "He can't even get arrested, cause his Dad's super rich. He's a little pussy if you ask me-"

"Where did you get that mouth, I didn't teach you to talk like that," Leia scoffed. Ben sighed. "What's his name, maybe I can pull some strings."

Ben smiled. "Even the government can't touch him, his Dad's got Congress on a fucking leash like bitches," he smirked. Leia glared at him, knowing now he was just swearing to get on her nerves. "Ever heard of Brendol Hux?"

"Oh no…" Leia groaned.

"His son, Conner or something, that's Rey's boyfriend right now," he told her.

"Colin. I know him…" she sighed. "I've met both of them. His father's actually a very nice man, but power and money are too important to some people. The boy seemed… stuck up."

"Tell me about it," Ben sighed. He heard his phone ring in his pocket and pulled it out, answering it. "Hello?"

"Ben," he heard Poe breathe. He stopped and pulled the cart over.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good…" he whispered.

"Why are we whispering?" Ben asked, whispering back.

"I-I-I'm holding a baby," he stammered.

Ben blinked and he smiled. "Yeah? Really? Like, it's out and everything?" he asked excitedly.

"She's a girl," Poe told him, his voice cracking. "Christina Mae… Ben she's so beautiful you have to come see her…"

"Okay," he agreed running a hand through his hair. "Okay, I have a crib and a bunch of diapers and formula and stuff what should I do with it?"

"I got it, Ben," Leia spoke up. "Go ahead and see the baby." Ben smiled a bit and nodded. "And I'll talk to Luke about Rey, so don't worry about her, focus on your little family." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Congratulations." She took the cart and went to the front to pay for it.

Ben hurried out to his car. "Alright, baby, I'm gonna call Rey and get her over to the hospital, I'll be there in twenty, max," he told him.

Poe chuckled. "Hurry, I can't wait for you to see her," he said. "I love you."

"Love you too. See you soon." Ben hung up and tried calling Rey. It took a while for the line to pick up as he started his car and starting driving down the road. "Hello?" she asked quietly.

"Rey, dude, I'm a dad!" he said, excitement in his voice. "She was just born, it's a girl kid, her name's Christina Mae, and I'm gonna go see her now!"

"Congrats, Ben…" she chuckled softly.

"Where are you? You have to be there, I want you to come see her," he told her happily. She didn't respond. "Rey-?"

"I'm on a plane…" she explained, her voice cracking.

Ben's smile fell. "Why are you on a plane?" he asked, the lighthearted tone gone from his voice. Rey hesitated again. "You aren't marrying him are you?!"

"He promised that he would get you and Poe a house," she told him quickly. "And Finn! He can afford it-"

"Oh I know he can afford it. You can tell him to go fuck himself!" he snapped. "Tell him we don't need a damn house and to bring you home!"

"But you do need a house, Ben, you don't have any money! He's going to pay off your debt-" she tried.

"My money is my business, Rey!" he screamed at her, pulling his car over. "He's the one who put me in so much fucking debt!"

"He didn't do anything, I don't understand!" she whimpered

"He hurt Poe! He's hurt me, and he's hurt you!" Ben told her.

"He hasn't hurt me," she told him. "You're overreacting, he didn't do anything to me!"

"You wouldn't remember it, that was the point of drugging you," Ben explained. Rey was silent for a moment.

"Y-You're just as bad as Finn is…." Rey breathed. "Why are you all so threatened by him?!"

Ben growled. "Do you want to know what he's done to me, Rey?! To Poe?!" he screamed. "Do you remember those six months in rehab?! Do you remember how I tried to kill myself?! Do you remember how I'm addicted to heroin?!" He could hear her breathing become shaky. He sucked in a breath as he realized what he had done. "You can't respond, can you?"

"I'm so sorry…" she whimpered.

"He's in there with you," he guessed calmly.

"Yes," she told him softly.

"Can he hear me?" he questioned.

"Yes," he heard both of them say, Rey's voice cracking and afraid, Hux's soft and venomous.

Ben froze. "I'm so sorry, Rey," Ben breathed, before the call was dropped. He heard the line go dead and he swore loudly. He took a few deep breaths and pulled the car back onto the road, driving towards the hospital.

The fifteen minutes driving there were a blur. He had practically just given Rey a life sentence. She knew the truth now, or at least part of it. And what was worse, he knew that she knew. Hux was truly dangerous, virtually unstoppable. This whole thing seemed like it should be something out of a bad dream, a fairy tale. It should make more sense to him, he thought to himself, it should make more sense than all this real world nonsense he had struggled to understand all his life. But no, Hux always got his way, there was nothing to stop him, and he didn't know why, he didn't know how. He didn't know how to stop him…. He didn't know how to save Rey.

"Sir?"

He blinked and looked down at the woman at the reception desk. He hadn't even realized he had parked the car, let alone that he had walked into the hospital. "I-I'm sorry, what?" he asked.

"I asked how I can help you," she repeated.

He blinked again. "Right, right, sorry," he said, rubbing his eyes. "I'm looking for the maternity ward, my fiancé should be up there, Poe Dameron?"

"Oh yes, he's in room 218, the second floor," she told him. "Can I just have you sign in here?" She slid a clipboard across to him which he quickly signed with his name and the time before hurrying upstairs.

Upon reaching the room, he stepped into the doorway and hesitated, seeing Poe sitting in a chair across the room, holding what must be the baby. His eyes were closed and his arms were rocking the baby. "P-Poe…" he whispered. One of his eyes opened and Ben smiled a bit. He stepped inside the room and stared down at the baby. "I-Is that her?"

Poe smirked a little. "No, it's some other baby," he teased him. Ben knelt down next to Poe's chair and looked at the baby in his arms. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"The most beautiful thing I've ever seen…" he agreed, moving his hand to touch her head, but stopping.

"Would you like to hold her?" Poe asked softly.

Ben looked up at him. "I-I'm afraid," he told him. Poe stood up from the chair carefully.

"Sit down in the chair," he told Ben. Ben gulped and stood up, sitting down in the chair Poe started handing him the baby, adjusting Ben's arms, not letting go of the baby until he was sure Ben was holding her right. "Put your arm behind her head to support it, and put her legs over the crook of your other arm. Keep your hand there. Yes, like that." He started to move back.

"Wait… d-don't move yet…" Ben said, looking at the baby, nervously.

Poe looked up at him and smiled sweetly. "I trust you, Ben," he told him. "You won't hurt her, I promise." He moved back, keeping his hands near Ben's arms for a moment, then kneeling next to him. "I trust you, Ben, I love you…"

Ben looked down at the baby, silent for a minute. He felt Poe's hand touch his and he looked down at him. "Rey's going to marry Hux… she might have already," he whispered. Poe's smile fell and he touched Ben's hand. "She did it to repay my debt, so that he would get us a house."

Poe shook his head. "W-Where is she?" he asked gently.

"On her way to Japan…" he breathed. "I called her… I wanted her to see our baby. I got mad when she told me, I told her everything he did to me."

"Then she'll leave him," Poe tried.

"He was there. He was listening he heard me tell her," he explained, starting to cry. Poe looked down at his arms, seeing that he was still holding the baby very gently and carefully. He squeezed his hand. "I damned her, Poe."

"No, Ben. She's a fighter, just like you. She'll escape him," he told him.

"She sounded so afraid," Ben whimpered.

"I'll tell Finn, that's all we can do," Poe said. "Please don't be worried too much. Look, Ben, we have a baby?"

Ben sniffed and looked down at the little blonde haired baby. "W-Where's the mother?" he asked.

Poe sighed. "She didn't want to see her," he explained.

"How selfish," Ben said. "How could she not want to see her own baby?"

"She's not her baby. She's our baby," Poe corrected, leaning up and kissing Ben. "We're in this together, Ben. I love you." Ben smiled slightly and nodded. "You're doing all you can do. You're going to be an amazing father, and you're an amazing man."

Ben kissed Poe again, and held onto his baby, and he felt content with this life he had. He just wished he could do more for Rey...  
\---

Rey stared at Hux, who was sitting in the chair across from her. They weren't saying anything, she didn't know what to say. She hated him. She hated this man who had lied to her, who had tricked her. This man whom she had just married, agreeing to stay with him for her cousin's, and for her true love's wellbeing. This man, whose piercing blue eyes she could now see right through. She saw that they hid more fear and shame than Ben's ever could…

"Were you the dealer?" she asked him carefully, wanting to see him admit it. "Were you the one who gave Ben his drugs?"

Hux tilted his head slightly. "Do you really want to know?" he responded gently. Rey didn't, afraid of being stuck with him knowing what he had done, but she nodded her head yes. "I did. He did depend on me for heroin."

"Why?" she breathed.

"Why what?"

"Why did you do that to him? Do you have any idea how much that was hurting him?" she clarified.

"I knew it was hurting him. But he asked me to. He begged me to hurt him like that, he would yell at me if I didn't," he pointed out. "I suppose at any time I could have called a hotline to get him help, but then I would have gotten in trouble, wouldn't I?" More tears fell down her face. "I suppose I did it because…" She waited and he thought. Then he just smiled and sat back. "Everything he said about me was true. Everything."

"W-Who?"

"Finn," he clarified.

"He had nothing to say about you, really" she told her. He looked at her and sighed. "The only thing he had against you was that he thought you were the one who drugged me… and I-I defended you… I fought him for months, I told him it wasn't you… I left him for you, you idiot!"

"You're the idiot for believing me, love," he pointed out. She looked down, gripping the arms of the chair in anger. He smirked and bit his lip. If he wasn't careful, he was going to lose her. He needed to guilt her into staying. "I suppose I did everything I did because it felt, and still feels, nice to have someone depend on me, be indebted to me, to have someone feel that they can't live without me, to have someone... need me…" Rey blinked, waiting for more explanation. "Were your parents home often when you were younger? Like after you were born, did your parents stay home a lot, and when you were growing up did they come home a lot?"

Rey frowned deeply. "T-They were always around, they never went anywhere. I think they were with me all my life until… well, until my Mum passed, and until I went away to college," she told him. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Oh. See, my Mum only spent about three weeks home after I was born, and she wasn't even taking care of me, she was just recovering. She went back to work and I suppose it was a few years before I saw her again, of course I didn't know her. And then she died while she and my father were working in Saudi Arabia. I didn't even meet my Dad until I was five years old, at my mother's funeral," he told her. He watched as Rey's mouth fell open in horror. "And then, he left. He came home every so often, to make sure I was passing with high honors at school, and that I wasn't dead I supposed. He wanted me to get me through college as soon as he could, so he sent me to get my Master's degree in Business Administration, so that I can work with him in the company. Well, so I can learn the ropes of the company so that when he dies I can take over."

Rey's lip trembled. "I'm so sorry…" she breathed.

"Why are you sorry? I didn't miss them. I never knew them to miss them," he pointed out. "I didn't lose anything, Rey, you can't lose something that you've never had."

"That's why I'm sorry," she told him. He looked up at her. She touched his face gently. "You never got to have a family. You must have been so alone…" He grabbed her hand and pushed it away from her face. She frowned and sat back..

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked, standing and pulling a bottle of gin out of the bar. He looked down at her, and she shook her head, touching her pregnant belly. He sighed and pulled out one glass.

"I can't ever forgive you for what you did to Ben," she told him seriously. He glanced over at her again. "You can never do anything to make up for that. Or for drugging me"

"Oh, I don't expect you to forgive me," he chuckled. "Just tolerate me. Do as I say."

Rey frowned. "That's a lot to ask," she growled.

"Is it?" he chuckled.

"You've condemned me, you've trapped me with you for the rest of my life," she spat at him, standing up. "And you expect me to be some obedient bitch who does whatever you say?!" She stood in front of him, getting in his face. He smiled a bit, touching her stomach and grabbing her arm to hold her in place.

"Rey…" he breathed. "You've condemned yourself to this. You agreed to this. You might as well enjoy what you can from it." He let go of her and walked over to his seat and sat down. Rey touched her stomach and started sobbing, heartbroken about Finn, about leaving her family behind... "About ten hours until we land, my dear, you'd better make yourself comfortable." He took a sip of his drink and watched her cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Again, sorry it took so long to post this chapter! I am still in Japan (hence where I got the idea for Hux and Rey to go to Japan from), and there is a thirteen hour time difference between here and my home time zone, so it's been hard to get used to AND find time to right while on vacation! But I pushed through today and got Chapter 8 for you guys! I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to leave comments/reviews, I love reading them and they motivate me to write more! Thanks again!


	9. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Chapter 9 is here! This chapter is just full of crazy. Literally. There's a slightly NSFW Darkpilot scene, but it's mostly just implied stuff. Also, I want to put a warning that Hux is totally a horrible person and abusive in this chapter, and I don't want to upset anyone.
> 
> SIDE NOTE: I am changing the name of this fanfiction from FOR THE EXPERIENCE to POSSESSION. I just don't want readers to think I deleted the story!

Never had Rey known such exhaustion, not in her entire life. Nothing could have ever prepared her for how tired being a mother made a woman. And nothing could have prepared her for the amount of love she would feel for her baby, how much she cherished him, and how much she felt she needed to keep him protected.

Rey had never known such fear, such rage and anxiety and hopelessness. She didn't know how to deal with a man who threatened to kill her one minute, teased her and picked on her, then brought her flowers and told her she was perfect the next. How was she supposed to sleep at night knowing that he hated the baby that wasn't his? She hadn't slept in days, after he had finally snapped, and threatened to take her one source of joy and leave him somewhere to die. She couldn't tell if any of Hux's threats were empty or not, for he never went through with what he said, but she watched his eyes as he screamed at her, watched how close he was to destroying everything in sight. This was similar to everything she knew about Ben, but also this wasn't anything like Ben. This was very, very different...

One year, she had been trapped with him.

She opened her eyes upon hearing her nine month old making noises of discomfort. She rubbed her eyes, seeing that she had fallen asleep on the floor, breastfeeding him while leaned up against the bedpost. Well, she had been breastfeeding him. She could tell by the way her bra was just barely on and her shirt had been haphazardly pulled up over her breast. She quickly looked up, seeing Hux sitting across from her, against the wall, holding the baby still on his lap. He was watching her with a cigarette between his lips, just waiting for her to say something. She quickly sat up, fixing her shirt and running her hand through her hair.

"I'm worried about you," he told her quietly, rocking the baby, whom her eyes fell to protectively. She felt Hux's hand tilt her chin up to look at him. "Look at me when I'm speaking to you."

"What?" she mumbled, coughing at the smell of fresh cigarette smoke.

"I'm worried about you," he said again. "You're exhausted and unhappy."

"I'm fine," she argued, reaching out to take her baby, who was trying to pull himself out of Hux's arms. He grabbed her wrist.

"I called Finn," he told her. Her eyes widened. "He said he would take Michael and take care of him."

"Why? Why would you do that?" she snapped, grabbing toward the baby again. He slapped her hands away. She whimpered. "Colin, stop, he's all I have."

"That's why I'm getting rid of him," he growled. "I'm supposed to be all you have. That was the plan, he's in the way."

Rey gulped. "He is not leaving my side. If he leaves, I leave with him," she growled back at him. He backhanded her and she caught herself with her hands before her head could hit the floor. That's when she spotted the half-empty glass next to him. "Please…" she breathed. "Please, Colin, Mikey means everything to me, please…" She started sobbing. "You've taken everything else I love, why are you doing this to me…?"

"Do you think he's safe here?" he asked, pulling his cigarette out of his mouth and flicking the ashes at her. She looked up at him, glaring at the cigarette. He raised an eyebrow, then let his eyes follow her's. He smirked, glancing down at the baby. Her eyes widened. "Do you think he's safe with me?"

"N-No, you're right, Michael should go live with Finn," she whimpered. "Colin, give him to me, please…"

"You don't trust me?" he teased. She opened her mouth and closed it, wanting to be careful what she said to him right now. The baby was starting to get fussy and that lead to crying, which Hux hated the most. "Is that hesitation?"

"No, of course I trust you," she lied quickly

"Are you lying?" he laughed, grabbing the baby and moving him roughly, causing him to start screaming and crying.

"Colin, stop! I agreed, please, let me hold him," she tried.

"You don't think I should give him something to remember me by?" he grinned, flicking his cigarette ashes at her again, then bringing it down towards the baby. She cried out when she heard her baby's screams become more pained and frantic, and Hux just laugh. She grabbed the baby out of his arms and crawled away from him, towards the bed. The baby was shrieking and she sat at the side of the bed, on the floor, holding him and carefully looking over him, touching his face, his neck, his back. Then she found it, on his arm.

"Oh my poor baby," she sobbed, holding him securely to her chest. "I have you, sweetheart... Colin we have to take him to the hospital!"

"He'll be fine," she heard her husband say as he moved across the room.

Rey trembled and took her child's arm gently and looked at the burn mark. "N-No, Colin, you burned him, y-you burned my baby," she growled.

"Can you shut him up?" Hux sighed. She felt the bed shift as he got onto it. "I'll call someone to take care of him."

Rey looked down at Michael, her heart shattering. She didn't want to lose her baby, but she wanted him to be safe. His safety came first. "Is Finn coming to get him?" she asked calmly.

Hux moved over and looked down at her. "No, just some servants of my father's," he told her.

"I-I want Finn to come get him. I don't feel comfortable letting him leave with someone I don't know," she told him seriously. "He'll be confused, and upset."

He was quiet for a minute and Rey feared the worst. "Fine, he can come and get him in a few days, I'll call him now," he said, grabbing his phone and dialing the number.

"If Finn's going to be more than a day, we need to take Mikey to the hospital," she insisted calmly.

"Tomorrow?" he said.

"Now, Colin," she insisted.

"Quiet, it's ringing," he snapped. She stood up and grabbed a change of clothes for herself out of the drawers. How long had it been since she'd showered, or changed her clothes? She looked down at the baby, who was still crying. She tried to hush him gently, knowing Colin would snap at her if she couldn't get him to quiet down. She grabbed his stuffed animal lion- his only toy -off of the dresser and gave it to him. The baby held onto the toy, quickly getting captivated by it and his crying quieting slightly. She touched his head, running her fingers over his short, coarse black hair while she listened to Hux talk on the phone. "Ah, Hello again. Yes it's me… oh, I see. Rey wants to know if Finn can come get the baby personally." She turned and looked at him. He raised an eyebrow. "I suppose… Rey, he wants to speak to you." He held out the phone to her.

"Who is he?" she asked, taking the phone and holding it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Rey," she heard Poe's voice sighed.

She smiled turning and going to Mikey's crib. "Poe! It's so good to hear from you!" she said happily.

"Yeah… Finn's kind of a mess," he told her.

Her smile fell. "O-Oh, is he alright? What do you mean?" she asked, putting Mikey in the crib and sitting next to him.

"He's heartbroken…" Poe sighed. "He's been trying to find a way to save you, but we keep hitting dead ends… he's not giving up hope though."

Rey blinked back tears. They were trying to look for her. There was still hope. "Thank you for helping him," she told him, her voice shaking. "Um… I-I called because Finn said he would take Michael, and I wanted to know if he could come get him personally. It would make me feel safer, he's… not safe here…" She glanced at Hux, who got up, rolling the sleeves of his white button-up shirt up to his elbows, and going out the door, probably going to get another drink.

"Hux said you were an irresponsible mother, said you never took care of him and couldn't handle him anymore," Poe told her. "Finn isn't convinced… he thinks the baby should stay with you..." He hesitated. "Finn's not the brightest, Rey, I'm sure he'll figure it out. How unsafe is the baby, exactly?"

Rey felt like she could burst into tears again. She looked down at Mikey, who was still crying. "P-Poe, help me, I don't know what to do…" she whispered. "He burned him… he stabbed him in the arm with his cigarette, I couldn't protect him, I can't protect my baby… He can't stay here."

"Jesus, did you take him to the hospital?" he asked, worried.

"It's taking a lot of convincing to let us leave…" she whimpered.

She heard Poe sigh, then someone saying something in the background. "In a second, baby, I'm on the phone!" he called. "Rey, we'll come and get him, and we'll get you out of there too."

"Poe-" she said nervously.

"It's fine, just have stuff ready by the day after tomorrow and we'll come get the baby, and sneak you out," he told her. "I promise. You're going to get out of there."

Rey watched Hux come back in with a fresh glass of amber colored liquor. "T-Thank you, Poe," she said. "Tell Ben I say hello."

Poe knew she wasn't alone in the room anymore. "No problem. See you later," he said, hanging up the phone.

Rey hung it up and held the phone up to Hux. He took it. "He'll come and get him," she told him softly.

"Good… maybe he'll bring his friends along. I've been keeping an eye on them all, you know," he told her, smirking. "Finn's going absolutely insane, I keep shutting his search efforts down. And as for the little gay family, poor Poe does all the work, raising two babies and cleaning and cooking, and working a full time job while Ben sits on his arse all day. I don't know why he stays with that failure, he deserves better."

Rey rolled her eyes a bit. She knew when Hux was exaggerating and teasing to get on her nerves. "Can we take Mikey to the hospital now?" she asked calmly.

Hux glared down at the baby. "I'll call a nurse," he said coldly. "Go wash him and yourself up, you look disgusting."

"Thanks," she sighed, standing.

"You know, Ben's gained a bit of weight since he became a Dad," Hux told her with a smirk. She glanced at him. "It must run in the Skywalker family."

"Thank you, Colin," she repeated.

"I mean, Jesus, you've definitely got some meat on you now," he continued, following her as she took the baby into the bathroom.

"Yes, that sometimes happens to parents, they don't have time to take care of themselves the way they used to," she explained coldly.

Hux grabbed her by her hips and pulled her against him. "I'm not complaining. I think it's lovely that you've gotten a bit fat," he told her. She waited patiently for him to let go. "Are you going to fit into the clothes you picked out?"

"Are you done?" she questioned shortly.

"Maybe," he snickered. "I can keep going, see how long it takes your self-esteem to shatter."

She turned and looked at him. "Unfortunately for you, I know that I only gained about 40 pounds when I got pregnant, which is only slightly above the average weight gain women experience during pregnancy. And yes, I know I haven't showered in a while, but I've been prioritizing my child's needs and safety above my own comfort, and it's been very difficult, since I've done it all on my own," she told him sternly. "So you can poke as much fun at me as you'd like, but I know I'm in tuned with myself, I'm fine with who I am and how I am-"

"You talk too much," he told her.

"I've taken care of myself, for years. As a teenager, I wasn't handed anything, not because my father didn't care about or love me, but because money was tight. I learned to fight for myself, and earn what I want through hard work and dedication. I also learned not to prey on those who I feel are less superior to me," she growled at him. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "I think of everyone equally, because I'm not some rich spoiled brat who was handed everything he has on a silver fucking platter!"

Hux lowered his arms to his sides, and curled his hands into fists, but his face stayed calm and collected. "Go take a shower. Not another word," he warned her, shoving her into the bathroom. She quickly slammed the door and locked it. He went to his liquor cabinet and pulled out another bottle of whiskey. That little bitch, she didn't understand anything. He had had to work hard too! He had to keep his grades perfect with no positive reinforcement from anyone, he had to learn to run a business on his own! 'Her father didn't hand her anything', well neither did his! At least her father was there! At least she had a family, at least she had friends… she had to learn to take care of herself and fight her own battles, well he had too! Except that there were people to back her up, she had her father, her Aunt, she even had Ben to never let her fall too far behind. For him, he had to do everything for himself, and had to learn how to do to it while knowing that no one would ever love him enough to stay-

He swore loudly as the glass in his hand shattered from his grip. He opened his fist and let the broken glass fall to the floor, watching his blood drip down with it, mixing with the alcohol he used to replace the human contact that he so desperately-

"Stop!" he shouted at himself, starting to pull the few fragments of glass left in his hand. He threw them on the floor and squeezed his hand into a fist again, watching the blood drip faster.

"Colin, stop!" he heard Rey call. He turned quickly and saw her in the doorway of the bathroom, her hair dripping wet and her body wrapped in a towel. She held that bastard child in her arms and stared at him with fearful eyes. Fear, that's what he needed, he was craving her fear. She disappeared into the bedroom for a moment, probably setting the baby down in it's crib. He opened the whiskey and drank straight from the bottle, then pulled it away from his mouth and dumped some of it on his bleeding hand.

Then there she was, before him, taking the bottle away and bringing him carefully over to the couch. He must be in that kind of state, things were skipping from his consciousness. It had been a while since he had gotten like this. She was gone again and he was on the couch now. His hand burned, stinging from the alcohol to his open wound. He brought it to his mouth and licked it, blood and whiskey leaving metal and smoke on his tongue.

Rey was here again, fully dressed and carefully wiping his hand and then his mouth clean, saying something. If he didn't know what was going on, he would think he had gone deaf. He could see her mouth moving but couldn't hear any of the words she was saying while she wrapped his hand in a bandage. Clean, pristine, orderly. Blood and lack of sanity were why Ben was so fun, Ben made it seem like he was looking in a distorted mirror.

"Do you know you're talking out loud?" he finally heard her say. He blinked and looked down at her, seeing her flush with relief. "Colin-?"

"How much did I say out loud?" he asked calmly.

Rey gulped. "I-I had just barely gotten in the shower when you started…" she told him. "I-I put some medicine on the baby's arm, I'm going to call for a nurse to look at your hand as well." He stared at her. "C-Colin-"

"What?" he asked, annoyance leaking into his voice. He leaned forward, grabbing her arm. "What do you want?"

"You won't get anyone's love if you act like you're going to hurt anyone who tries," she told him. His face twisted a bit, angry. "Colin, if you don't give people respect, you won't get any in return… We can help you, we can give you a family-"

"There is no we, Rey, it's just you," he told her. "You fight for yourself, is that why you're waiting for someone to rescue you instead of fighting back, you weak bitch?!"

Rey blinked. "I'm trying to-" she started calmly.

He stood up, needing to be above her. "I got your cousin on his knees, dependant on me! I got his boyfriend on his knees, a slave to me! You are on your knees for me, Rey. You, the perfect little angel, you are condemned to be my bride for the rest of your life, so that I can watch you break apart slowly and die, for my satisfaction," he spat at her, grabbing her hair. "Do not pity me, Rey. I don't need anyone's respect, I need the world to bow to me, and bend at my will. That's all I ask…" He let go of her and turned his head towards the alcohol cabinet, then back to her. "It's funny… when I first met you I was watching you, hearing you, mentally documenting how you function so that I can bring you down."

"You weren't always this way-" He backhanded her and she stopped, keeping a straight face.

"There has never been a person whom I've spent time with just for their company. I watched you open up before my eyes, I saw that you search for the good in even the coldest hearted of people. That will serve you no use now, Rey. Your search for the good in me is in vain. You won't find an ounce of guilt for what I've done, you won't see any sympathy for others, you won't see any color of beauty within me. Just cold... dark…" He turned and looked out the window. "Look at this city, Rey… look at all of these people I could crush…"

She waited for him to finish, not daring to say another word. She heard him take a breath, watched him bring his hands up and push his hair back out of his face, wanting it to be straight and orderly. She knew now why Colin was such a dictator about keeping up appearances, because on the inside he was ripped apart and ugly. "I was supposed to be the normal one," she said quietly. He turned and leaned against the window, pulling out his cigarettes and lighter. She watched him put one between his lips and light it. "Ben was misunderstood by his mother, he was shunned by his father. He has an anger that can't be suppressed, he's frustrated because he doesn't know why he's so angry, and that makes it worse. When I was born, I was supposed to be the normal one. He felt alone, he felt abandoned by his parents, he felt like they looked to me and longed for him to be the same. My mother saw the beauty in every one…"

"Your mother, who Ben killed," Hux reminded her.

She shook her head. "No. My mother told his parents how special he was, and it gave Ben hope. He believed that he could live to be what his parents wanted. And then the accident happened, and that hope shattered. He felt that his anger was responsible for their deaths, he felt like he was a monster that hurts everything he touches. It took years for him to find hope again. I saw it in his eyes, the guilt, the remorse, the longing to be normal… and I saw it in his eyes when the hope came back..." She stood up. "I see what he is and what he can do. I see that he can be beautiful and fun, and himself." Hux frowned, watching her walk over to him. "I know what it looks like. I know how to see what you want, and what you can be." She took his hand and placed the other on his cheek. "You deserve love, Colin… and you can take it, just don't push it away…." She leaned in and kissed him gently.

He was taken aback for a moment. She didn't love him, so what was she doing? Oh. She pitied him… He grabbed her wrist and pushed her back, staring at her. "Love is nothing but a concept," he mumbled, mostly to himself. "It makes you weak and vulnerable, and I can't afford that."

Rey watched him, her eyes sad. "That makes me hurt for you…" she told him honestly. "Love is beautiful. It hurts sometimes, but it's beautiful. Even if on the outside you are not, you are beautiful within. And if you can't find it within-"

He snapped again, striking her hard enough to knock her over. "If you can't find it within, then it isn't there," he told her. "And you're an idiot to search for it." He crouched down next to her and grabbed her hair. "Your poetic words are nothing but that. Words. Go clean up that mess while I call a nurse." He yanked her towards the pile of glass and let her go in front of it, grabbing his phone and going outside to make the call.  
\---

Poe knew he should tell Ben about his conversation with Rey. He lay back on the bed, covering his face. He couldn't stop thinking about Rey, how scared she must be, and about that poor baby... "Hey Poe, I gave the kids dinner and their bath and everything," Ben told him as he walked into the bedroom. Ben was so happy right now, it had taken him a long time to get there… he could at least let him be happy tonight.

"Y-Yeah? Thanks, Ben," Poe said with a smile. He uncovered his face and looked at Ben, patting the bed next to him.

"And," Ben said happily, going over and jumping on the bed next to him. "Guess what?"

"What, baby?" Poe laughed.

"Finn took em for the night so we can have the house to ourselves~" Ben breathed, nibbling at his ear.

"You did?" Poe chuckled.

"Uh huh," his husband purred, kissing him gently.

"You're seriously the best," he said, touching his face and kissing him back. He could tell Ben was happy, and felt the man kiss him deeper and touch his hips. He knew Ben wanted a bigger wedding than they had had- well, it had really just been that they had signed the certificate and given each other the rings so that Ben could legally be assigned as co-guardian to the two babies. He knew Ben wanted his Mom to be there, and Rey, and his Uncle, and Finn and he wanted Poe to walk down the aisle to him. They had watched a movie a few nights ago where the couple got married and he had hugged Poe close and told him they would do that soon….

Poe moved back a bit. "You got something planned tonight, babe?" he teased, playing with Ben's belt until it came undone, then he pulled it out of the belt loops.

Ben grinned mischievously, moving so that he was over Poe. "Yeah, baby," Ben chuckled, pulling Poe's legs apart and getting between them. "I wanted the kids to get a good night's sleep tonight, and not get woken up by you screaming for me while I pound that ass." Poe laughed when Ben brought his hand down and slapped his butt.

"You're so fucking hot, I don't know how I lived before you," he sighed happily. Ben chuckled and sat up, pulling off his shirt and throwing it across the room.

"Come on, let me see that hot body, baby," he teased him, pulling at his shirt. Poe laughed again and grabbed the back of Ben's head pulling him into a kiss. Ben hummed and moved back, kissing Poe's jaw. "Tell me what you want me to do with you…" Poe leaned over and started whispering in Ben's ear exactly what he wanted him to do. Ben grunted, getting off the rest of their clothes as quickly as he could. "God, you're going to fucking kill me tonight, baby…" Ben kissed his husband again, biting his lip and just trying to touch him anywhere he could.

When they had sex, Ben always wanted to make it good for Poe. If Poe wasn't having fun then what was the point? Lucky for him, Poe was pretty vocal in bed, and was comfortable voicing all of his wants and needs. He showed him with his expression that he didn't want to be anywhere else in the world but here in bed with him. It was personal, they were connected, their bond so much stronger than usual.

When Ben could tell Poe was getting close to the end, he grabbed Poe's hair and tugged on it lightly. He could see Poe's mouth was wide open and his eyes were shut tight. That face was going to kill Ben over and over again. All Poe could do was moan out, getting louder and louder with each passing minute. Every so often he would blurt something like "Fuuuck Ben, fuck yeah!" or "God I love your big cock, love it up my ass!" Ben bit his lip and watched as Poe started to whine, his moans getting higher in pitch.

Poe let out a choked moan, and Ben shivered. "I wanna look at you when I come." He moved Poe so that he was on his back, watching Poe's jaw go slack again and drool drip down his chin. With just a little more coaxing, Poe's face twisted into an almost pained look, and he let out a choked, bark-line moan as he lost all control. Ben had never seen Poe react this way to him, had never seen him hit an orgasm so intensely, and it sent him over the edge as well. He was glad that Poe had mostly recovered from everything he had been through. Poe was comfortable with himself again, he was happy, and that was all Ben needed to be sane.

Poe ran his fingers through Ben's jet black hair as his husband buried his face in his shoulder with a deep, low groan. Poe felt absolutely brain dead, all of his nerves still short-circuiting. Ben regained some of his strength and pulled himself out of Poe, falling onto the bed next to his husband. "Christ, that… that had to be the best sex we've ever had," Poe told him, panting.

"Yeah, it was that good?" Ben chuckled breathlessly, leaning over and grabbing his tee-shirt off of the ground, starting to wipe up Poe's chest.

"Yeah, I can't even think straight right now…" Poe sighed, closing his eyes.

"No no no, no sleeping yet," Ben said, getting up and lifting Poe up with him. "We gotta get you in the shower and wash you up.

Poe held onto Ben as he carried him to their bathroom. "You're full of energy tonight, aren't you?" he chuckled.

"Someone's gotta be," he chuckled. "And you do so much for me…I gotta make it up to you any way I can..."

"What're you talkin' about?" Poe asked as he was set down in the bathtub so Ben could turn on the water.

"I'm talkin' about how you work all the time, at the shop, with the kids, you keep the house clean, you cook all the meals…" Ben explained. "I don't do much for our family and I'm gonna start."

"Ben," Poe sighed, taking his hand. "You help out with the kids constantly, you get em off my hands when I need to do less hands on things like the cooking and cleaning." Ben got into the shower with him, sitting behind him and kissing his neck. "Besides, you can't do that stuff cause you always do it wrong." Ben laughed and hugged him. Poe turned around and kissed him. "I mean, who uses dish soap to do laundry-"

"It was one time, and it was an emergency!" Ben defended himself with a smile. "You better shut up or I'll make the water cold!"

Poe kissed him again. "I'm teasing, baby, there was no harm done, and we laughed about it anyway," he reminded him. "There are some times that I could use your help, but I manage them just fine."

"If you need me to do something, anything all you have to do is ask," Ben told him, starting to wash Poe up with a washcloth. Poe turned around and cuddled against him.  
\---

"POE!"

Poe sat up straight in bed, rubbing his eyes. "Huh?" he grumbled. He heard a pounding noise from downstairs, like someone was hitting something. He heard his name again, and quickly got out of bed, pulling on a pair of briefs and his sweatpants. He saw Ben stir and leaned over, kissing him quickly. "Morning, baby."

"Hey, sexy," Ben chuckled. "How's that ass feel this morning?~" Poe rolled his eyes and kissed him again. They both looked up as they heard more knocking and now Ben's name being yelled. Poe frowned and got up, grabbing a t-shirt from the open drawer and pulling it over his head.

Ben moved up on his elbow. "Is that Finn?" he asked worriedly, getting up and getting some clothes on.

That's when it hit Poe. "Fuck," he hissed, running downstairs. "Coming, bud, hold on!" He ran to the door, unlocking it and opening it. Finn was standing there, looking frantic, dried blood caked to the side of his face. "Oh, shit, Finn, are you ok?"

"Poe, I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened," Finn panted, leaning against the doorway. "I got here as fast-"

"Where are the kids?" Poe asked, trying to stay calm. Finn grabbed his head and broke down in tears. "Finn, where are my fucking kids?!"

"I-I don't know…" he whimpered.

"What do you mean you don't know?!" Ben cried, coming down the stairs and walking up to Finn, grabbing him by the front of his shirt.

Finn shook his head. "I got em to my house last night, and I got them to sleep in their pack and play thing, and-" he started.

"Where are they now?" Poe demanded.

"- and all of a sudden this guy is holding my arms, and these two other guys dressed in black are taking them out of the pack and play and- and the one behind me says… um, he said… 'two for every one you sacrifice'." Poe's face paled and he backed away from the door a little. "And then I felt something hit me and the next thing I knew I was on the floor and it was morning… I found this in my pocket when I woke up." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "It's not in English, I don't know what it says..."

Ben grabbed it from him and opened it. "What is this, it just looks like a bunch of letters with weird lines over them!" he growled. "Is it French or something?!" Poe took it from him and looked at it, mouthing the word. "Is it Spanish…?"

Poe read the paper again. "...their freedom," he breathed to himself, holding the paper to his chest, looking at Ben.

"What does it say, Poe?" Finn tried.

Poe gulped. "More or less… it says we have to go to Japan. All three of us.." he told them. "Tres para salvar tres vidas…. cinco irse a casa, uno estancias…. dos será libre, por la libertad de un hombre…" He bit his lip. It was broken Spanish, but he understood.

"That says a lot more than just 'more or less we have to go to Japan'! That's like, five sentences of gibberish, but I can tell it says something," Ben growled. "This is Hux, then, you're sure? Why would he write it in Spanish?"

"It's for me," Poe explained, putting the note in his pocket. "I'm sorry, Finn, come in wash up." He brought his friend inside and closed the door. He hugged Finn. "This isn't your fault, it's gonna be fine. They're gonna be fine."

He lead Finn to the couch and sat him down. "I-I didn't even hear them come in, Poe, they were just there, I-I-" he tried.

"They're gonna be fine, Finn," Poe told him again.

"How can you say that?!" Ben shouted. "How can you know they're gonna be okay?! It's Hux, he's got the mentality of me except he's actually a complete psychopath!"

"He won't hurt them, Ben, not when he's using them to get something," he said calmly.

Ben grabbed his shoulders. "What's he trying to get? You?" he guessed. Poe just stared at him. "You're not coming with us to Japan." He let go of him and started going upstairs. Poe followed him.

"Yes, I am," he told him. "If I don't we won't get the babies back!"

"I am not losing you!" Ben snapped, turning around to look at him. "There's gotta be another way…"

"Is there ever another way with him?" Poe breathed. Ben looked down, angry at everything again. Poe sighed and pulled out his phone as it started ringing. He watched Ben while he answered it. "Hello?"

"I assume you received my note?" Hux's voice asked smoothly. Poe sucked in a breath.

"I did…" he agreed softly.

"Good. I'll have someone pick the three of you up in about forty minutes. They will drive you to the airport, where there will be a private jet which will take you to Tokyo. Then another car will take you to a hotel, where you will await further instructions. Understood?"

"Yep," he mumbled. The phone hung up and Poe sighed, putting it away in his pocket. "Get ready, Ben, we have to go…"

"No, you are not coming!" Ben told him.

Poe looked down. "Look, someone's coming to get us in about 40 minutes, and when we get to Japan, we'll be in a hotel. While you get the kids, I'll get stay at the hotel," he tried. He knew that plan made no sense, but maybe it would go over Ben's head.

Ben looked down. "Fine… but I still think it's dangerous for you to come…" he told him nervously.

"I know. It is," Poe agreed, kissing him gently. "I love you…"

"I love you, Poe, I'm not going to let you get hurt, I promise," he told him. "I told you I'd never let him touch you and I'm not breaking that promise." He hugged Poe to him, not wanting to let him go.

"The kids are going to be fine," Poe told him softly. Ben looked down at him. "He won't hurt them…. I won't let him."  
\---

Rey had been a little frantic when Hux had first carried the two babies into the apartment. She had asked where he had gotten them, trying to take them from him. He handed her the boy. "This, Rey, is your nephew, Noah, and this is your niece, Christina." He sat down in a chair, holding Christina on his lap. Rey stared at him, her mouth open in shock.

"O-Ok, w-why do you have them?" she asked calmly.

"Blackmail," he explained, blowing a bubble with his gum and popping it, making the baby laugh and try to get it. He chuckled. "She likes that."

"Why are you chewing gum?" she questioned, changing the subject so that he wouldn't get mad.

"Nicorette," he explained. "Don't want to smoke around the kids…"

Rey glanced at Mikey, who had been shown no such kindness. "How considerate of you…" she mumbled. She set both of the boys on the floor and got down with them, trying to play with them and make sure Noah wasn't upset about being away from his parents. He seemed to be just fine, trying to get Mikey to stand up and wander with him. Mikey hadn't learned to walk yet, so he was just holding onto Rey and standing shakily. He seemed excited to have friends to play with. Noah grabbed Mikey's arm and pulled him, which caused the younger baby to fall. Noah, apparently, didn't like this because he bent down and hit his cousin. Rey quickly picked Mikey up and gently scolded her nephew. Hux chuckled and she looked up at him.

"What a little bully he his," he said, watching Noah. "He's going to be a big strong boy when he grows up."

"He can be big and strong without being a bully," Rey told him. He sighed and went back to doing whatever he was doing with Christina. Rey watched him now to see what he was doing. For a good five minutes he just stared at her, and it was making Rey uneasy. "Colin?" He glanced over at her. "What are you doing?"

"There's something different about this one…" he explained calmly. "Look how calm she is, look how fixated she is on my gaze. She's studying me…" Rey frowned.

"W-Why don't you put her down here with the boys?" she suggested. Hux looked down at her and stood up. Then he sat back down on the floor and set Christina down next to her brother. He sat back and watched them.

"Babies are so interesting…" he said. Rey looked up at him. "They're these tiny little humans who you can shape into whatever you want them to be, and then they get the blame for what you teach them when they're old enough to be their own person." Rey frowned deeply, helping Mikey stand up again. "You can make them weak little pushovers." He brought his hand up and shoved Mikey to the ground. Rey gasped and quickly picked him up as he started crying, trying to stand again. She glared at Hux as he continued. "Or you can make them soldiers at your command…" As he said this with a smile as Noah toddled over and pushed Mikey over again. "...following their leader." Christina was watching her brother and cousin. She looked at Hux, then went to Mikey and pushed him too, although he was already on the floor. Then she looked at Hux to see if this made him smile. He did smile, so she pushed Mikey again. "Or you can make them little angels who are eager to please…"

Rey quickly picked up Mikey, who was sobbing from being picked on. "Stop it, that isn't right! You're disgusting," she hissed, stepping over the two older children and hurrying to the living room to try and calm Mikey down.

Hux watched her leave, then looked down at the two children. He lay down on the floor to watch them toddle around and babble nonsense at each other. He watched Noah pull his sisters curly blonde hair and Christina hit him back, then hug him. She toddled over to Hux and climbed onto him, laying her head down on his chest and yawning. He pat her head and closed his own eyes. He felt Noah cuddle up beside him and he smiled a bit.

Rey watched from the doorway. Why couldn't he have been like this with Mikey? Why did he have to be so cruel? She couldn't wait until Ben or Poe came to get them tomorrow, and she couldn't wait for Finn to get Mikey and finally give him all the love and happiness that she couldn't provide for him… She went back to the living room. It wasn't that she didn't love Mikey. She did, with all her heart. But Hux made it so hard for him to survive. Hux was a bully, she thought. She hoped he never had kids so that no one would ever grow up like him. She sat on the floor leaned her head on the couch next to her baby and closed her eyes, thinking that the only woman he'd ever have to give him kids was her, his wife… his pet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter, more to come soon! I have three or so other stories that I'm in the planning stages of writing, but this one is my priority at the moment! This story will have a sequel that I will start as soon as I finish this one! Again, the name of this story is now Possession, it is still the same fic as For the Experience! Comment/Review to let me know what you think! :)


	10. Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Here's Chapter 10! Kind of the end of the second story arc of this fic. I'm back from Japan, so I should have a bit more time to write more often. I gave Finn a last name in this, using John Boyega's actual middle(?) name, Adedayo. Some language per usual, but nothing too too bad in this chapter (I don't think). Enjoy!

"Promise me, Poe, promise me you won't leave the room," Ben told Poe seriously.

"Baby…" Poe sighed.

"Poe, you said you would stay here while I got the kids," Ben reminded him.

"If I stay here, then we'll never get the kids!" Poe snapped. Ben looked down at the floor and went towards the door, pulling on his boots and sitting down to tie them. "Where are you going? We have to wait for a text!"

"No, I'm going now, I'm not playing this game with him," Ben argued.

"You don't even know the address to the building," Poe pointed out, walking over and kneeling down in front of him and taking his hands gently. "Ben, I think you just need to relax, getting all angry isn't going to make any of this better."

"Why are you so relaxed?" he growled, bringing Poe's hands up to his lips and kissing them. "How can you be okay with all of this? These are your kids, he took everything and you're acting like it's no big deal-"

"These are our kids, Ben. I'm dying on the inside, believe me," Poe said, his voice shaking. "You have no idea how scared I am. But if I react to something too much it usually ends up making more of a mess than fixing the situation."

"Finn doesn't give a damn either! He was pointing stupid things out all the way here. 'Hey guys, look at that ferris wheel!' or 'what do you guys think that means? Japanese is such a weird language, huh?'," Ben said, imitating Finn.

"He cares, Ben, he's worried to," Poe told him. "He's afraid to see Rey knowing he probably won't be able to take her home with us."

"It doesn't sound like he cares, man," Ben growled.

Finn opened the bathroom door. "Guys, the toilets here are so weird! Check it out, there's an actual sink behind the toilet! When you flush it turns the sink on!" he told them excitedly. Ben looked at Poe and raised an eyebrow, pointing at Finn.

"He cares," Poe said again, touching Ben's face.

"What do I care about?" Finn asked, walking over to the bed and grabbing Poe's jacket. "Can I borrow this? I spilled juice on mine earlier."

"Sure, bud," Poe sighed. He watched Finn put on his jacket, laying his head down on Ben's lap. "Looks good on you…"

"Thanks," Finn chuckled, straightening it out, and looking at the brown and red leather jacket through the mirror. "So, yeah, what do I care about?"

"It's what you don't care about, actually," Ben corrected the both of them. "You're acting like nothing's happening, while all of our kids are in the hands of that monster!"

"Hey, I care, man, I do," Finn told him, turning to look at him. "But listen, when we get there, you're getting your whole family back. You're going to have your husband, and your kids and you're going to be happy and together, but when I go there? I get my son- who I've never even met before -and he's going to be scared and confused, and he's going to want his Mom. And she can't come with us... I have to leave the love of my life behind! I'm probably never going to get Rey back, but I try not to think like that!" Finn took a deep breath and touched his head. "Rey always told me to have hope even when things look bad, so that's what I'm doing. I'm keeping up hope that I can take her back today. You're welcome to be all negative, but I'd like to think that at least my kid will be safer today, even while I'm not sure how this is gonna turn out." He sat down on the bed. "Let's just hope to God he hasn't hurt them, and focus on how nice it will feel to have them back."

"But-" Ben stopped, and looked down at Poe. He looked over at Finn and nodded slightly. "Yeah… that's fair, Finn…"

"I still can't believe I have a kid…" Finn sighed, sitting on the bed and leaning back. "His name's Michael… I like that… Michael Adedayo… I hope. You don't think he made my kid's last name Hux, do you? No, no, Michael's my flesh and blood, he'd never accept him as his own... You don't think he'd hurt my kid, do you?"

Poe frowned and looked down. "Rey called me… the other day…" he admitted.

"What?!" Ben and Finn both cried. Poe sat up.

"W-Well, Hux called me, but then I got to talk to Rey for a minute. She wanted you to get Mikey," he told Finn. Finn sat up and stood. "She told me that Hux had… um… burned him…"

"You're just telling me this now?! What the hell, man, is he ok?!" Finn asked frantically.

"I'm sorry, man, things kinda happened and I never got the chance to bring it up… I didn't get around to seeing you or anything. I guess Rey was having a hard time convincing Hux to bring the baby to the hospital, but I'm sure he got treated, she wouldn't let him go untreated."

"How do you know, though?!" Ben snapped. "And you think our kids are safe with him?!"

"Of course. I'm almost positive they're safe," Poe said.

"Why?" his husband growled. "How can you possibly-?"

"Because if he hurt them, he'd have you to deal with, and that wouldn't be fun. He's said before that even he's a little hesitant to get on the wrong side of an angry Ben," Poe told him, sighing and standing up. He went over to the window and looked out at the city. "It's really nice here…"

Ben was about to snap at him again, but took a moment to just watch him and see what he was doing. He watched the way his husband leaned against the window ledge, his forehead pressed against the glass as he looked outside. His usual cocky, happy grin, his bright eyes, his glowing tan face, they were all gone right now. Ben hadn't noticed that a moment ago, when he had been losing control because of the rage he felt toward Hux. But now he could see it. The way Poe's jaw was set, his lips pursed, his eyes a bit glazed over and his gaze distant, like he wasn't looking at anything at all, and his skin was paler, almost a bluish tint to it. He was afraid. Ben stood up and walked over to Poe. He hesitated and touched his shoulder and smiled a bit.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to them," he told him softly, trying to be gentle. Poe turned his head towards Ben, his expression not changing. Ben's small smile fell.

"They'll be ok," Poe told him for what felt like the thousandth time. "He won't hurt them."

Ben frowned and touched Poe's face gently. "You aren't afraid for them…?" he realized.

"It's like he's, like, numbed himself… he's trying not to feel anything... " Finn spoke up. Ben looked over at him, then back at Poe

"Why are you so scared, Poe?" Ben tried.

Ben and Finn both jumped when Poe's phone went off on the table. Poe just looked over at it and picked it up and unlocked it to pick up the phone. "Yes?" he asked.

"I trust you've made it to Tokyo alright? Hux said, smugness in his voice.

"Yes. We're in our hotel room," Poe told him, leaning against the window sill.

"Good, good," Hux mumbled. He didn't say anything for a minute, but Poe could hear noise in the background. He sat on the window sill while he waited. "Your kids are fine. Haven't left a scratch on em. Is Ben freaking out?"

"He is. I know you won't hurt them," he responded calmly. Ben frowned and stepped closer to him.

"I know you do," Hux chuckled. "I'm going to text you the address now. You're going to tell Ben and Finn the address, and you're going to stay behind, as Ben wants. They will walk to our apartment, it's about a ten minute walk. After ten minutes, I'll send you another text with another address. You will leave the hotel as well and go to that address. Take your time, feel free to look around, maybe pick up some cigarettes if you wouldn't mind, I ran out this morning."

"Which ones?" Poe asked, trying not to panic at the light feeling of the conversation.

"The blue ones, they start with an M I think, I don't remember," Hux told him. "There's a ¥1000 bill in the top drawer of the dresser. You can get a drink or something if you'd like."

"Why?" Poe questioned quietly.

"You're going to be with me for a while, you might as well get something while you're free," he explained.

Poe looked down. "No I know that, but why are you doing all this?" he clarified even more quietly. Ben knelt down in front of Poe and took his hands.

"You're Ben's anchor, the only thing that keeps him sane and functional. Rey looks at Ben like he's an older brother. I called your kids her niece and nephew and she didn't even notice. She thinks of herself as their Aunt, but she's really just a cousin. She also thinks of Ben as someone she needs to protect. I have almost total control of Ben's life, so if I hold his life by a string, I have control of the both Ben, and Rey. If I have you, I have control of all three of you," Hux explained.

"What about Finn?" Poe asked, glancing quickly at his friend. Finn walked closer.

"Finn's an idiot who got in the way," he laughed. "I'll see you soon, then?"

"Sure…" Poe mumbled. The phone was hung up and he set it in his lap, turning to look out the window again. He felt Ben put his hands on his face and turned his head to look at the man in front of him.

"What did he say? You're crying?" he whispered, wiping his tears from his cheeks. Poe touched his hands and tried to smile.

"H-He's gonna send me the address, and you guys are gonna walk there, it's about ten minutes. And you're gonna get the kids," he told him. His phone buzzed as he got the text and he reached over to the table, writing the address on a piece of paper.

"That's it?" Finn asked suspiciously. "That's all he said?"

"Yep. That's all he said," Poe lied.

"Really?" Ben tried. "Poe you can tell me."

"The kids are fine, just like I said," he told him.

"Why are you crying?" Ben asked him quietly. Poe shook his head. "Poe please-"

"C-Can you just hold me for a minute?" Poe whimpered. Ben looked surprised, but nodded. He got up and sat on the window sill with Poe, hugging him. Poe buried his head in Ben's chest and put his arms around his shoulders.

"Poe. I promise on my grave that I won't let him-"

"Just hold me, Ben," Poe cut him off. Ben sighed and kissed Poe's head as they sat with each other.

After a while, Finn cleared his throat. "Hey, guys, I'm sorry but-" he started.

Poe pulled away from Ben. "Y-Yeah, you guys have to get going," Poe said, touching Ben's cheek and kissing him deeply. "Go get the kids. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah?" Ben asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Poe smiled sadly.

"You promise?" Ben continued.

Poe leaned up and kissed him again. Ben closed his eyes, frowning and pulling away. "I love you, Ben," Poe told him.

Ben tensed up, but nodded. "I love you, too, Poe," he told him. He stood up, still holding his hands. Poe followed him. Finn got up and went to the door with them.

"We'll be back soon with the kids," he told Poe. Poe smiled a bit and nodded.

Ben was watching him, still holding his hands. Poe leaned up and kissed him again, afraid that it might be the last time he would get to. He pulled away and slowly let go of Ben's hand as Ben went out the door.

Finn grabbed the room key and hugged Poe quickly before going out the door. He stopped. "Oh, do you want your jacket back?" he asked, remembering that he had it on. He started taking it off.

"No no no," Poe said quickly. "Keep it, it suits you…"  
\---

Hux was watching Rey slowly wake up. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, seeing him sitting across the room. "O-Oh… when did you bring me in here? What time is it?" she asked, getting up and grabbing her nightgown.

"About 10am," he told her, glancing down at his watch. "You fell asleep in the living room around six last night. You must have been exhausted. Did you sleep well, at least?" Rey hesitated. "I'm really asking."

"Y-Yes, I did… thank you for asking," she said. She grabbed her brush off her night stand and quickly brushed through her hair. "Where are the kids?"

"They're playing in the living room, I believe," he told her. "There's plenty of boxes for them to climb on."

Rey quickly put her hair into a bun. "That's not safe, they could fall and-" she started. Then she frowned. "Boxes? Why are there boxes in the living room?"

"I had to pack up our things. Ben and Finn know where we live now," he explained. "We'll be going to a hotel for the night and leave tomorrow morning. It's supposed to be stormy tonight, it won't be safe to fly."

"O-Oh, where are we going?" she asked nervously.

"My house," he said, standing up. "Get dressed, Ben and Finn should be here any minute now to get the kids." Rey looked shocked and quickly went to the dresser to find something to wear. "I fed the kids and stuff, and there's food and stuff in the oven."

"Thanks…" she said, watching him. She held her clothes to her chest and waited for him to leave. Instead of going to the door, he walked over to her and started pulling her nightgown off her shoulders. "Hey, stop it!"

"Are you going to be sad without your baby?" he asked quietly, kissing her shoulder and neck

"Of course I am, get off," she snapped, slapping his hand away as it ran up her side. She backed away from him and pulled her nightgown back on. She set her clothes down on the bed and felt him grab her arms. "Colin!"

"You're going to have to give me what I want eventually," he chuckled, turning her around and pulling her close to him. "You can't fight me forever."

She grimaced and leaned her head back, trying to avoid kissing him. "I haven't fought you at all," she growled. "I haven't fought you once since I decided to go with you. If you thought that was fighting, you have something coming to you…" There was a knock on the front door and he let go of her.

"I'll get the door. Get dressed," he said coldly, leaving the room and going to the front door. "Well good morning, gentlemen."

"Where're my kids?" Ben snapped. Finn stood slightly behind him, looking anxious yet angry. Hux chuckled.

"Relax, they're inside," he told them. "You're welcome to step inside. Or stay out there, it doesn't matter to me." He opened the door all the way and walked inside, turning a corner into the living room.

Finn glanced at Ben and stepped inside, leaning against the door to keep it open. He stood up straight when Rey came around the other corner. She was wearing a simple pair a capris, and a plain beige tee-shirt, her hair in a messy bun, but all Finn could think was how she looked so perfect in that moment. "Rey…" he breathed. She hesitated, glancing into the living room, then hurried over to him and hugged him. He stumbled a bit by how fast she ran into him, but he quickly recovered and held her. "Rey, I-I was afraid I would never see you again."

Rey buried her face in his shoulder, then leaned up and kissed him deeply. "I love you," she said quickly. "I-I have to get the baby, I'll just be a minute." She started to move, but he held her hand.

"We're gonna get you out of here," he whispered. "Can you be ready to run?"

Rey's face lit up and she nodded, quickly slipping on her shoes and hurrying to the living room to get Michael. She stopped and raised an eyebrow, seeing Hux carefully picking up Ben's kids. He smirked at her and glanced at Mikey. "What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"Oh nothing. Just getting the kids…" he chuckled.

She frowned, quickly picking Mikey up, from where he had been trying to stand up. She gasped. "Oh my god, what happened, baby?!" She touched his face, one of his eyes swollen shut and that whole side of his face bruised. She immediately looked at Hux, who was just standing there with Noah and Christina. "What did you do to him?!"

"He… fell. Off of a box," he smirked. "It was much earlier this morning, before you woke up." She backed away from him a little, holding Mikey to her and kissing his head. Hux walked out to the front door with Ben's kids. "Here we are. It's going to be stormy tonight, so you can all stay in the hotel for the night and I'll have you picked up to leave in the morning."

Ben grabbed Noah from Hux and held him. He reached out his hand for Christina and Hux glared at him, handing her to him carefully. "I swear to God, if you ever hurt any of my family again-"

"I haven't hurt your family, Ben, they're completely fine," Hux told him. "Two must be quite a handful. Be sure to tell Poe not to break the condom next time."

"Why don't you shut your mouth, and mind your own damn business," Ben growled. Hux put up his hands defensively and backed away. He glanced behind him as Rey hurried over with the baby.

"F-Finn, I don't know what happened…" she started, her voice cracking. "I-I mean, I know who, but I don't know when o-or how…"

"Let me see," Finn said gently. Rey sniffed, and she handed Mikey to Finn. Mikey whined nervously but looked up at Finn, who gasped. "What happened to his face?!" Rey whimpered and shook her head, quickly taking Mikey back as Finn lunged at Hux and grabbed his collar. "What did you do to my boy?!"

"He fell," Hux lied, chuckling. "Hard. A few times, I lost count."

"You think this is funny?!" Finn snapped, throwing a punch and hitting him in the face. "Let's see how you like it! How does that feel?" He kept hitting him in the face. Rey backed out the door, wanting to be able to leave quickly.

Hux finally pushed him back. "Keep hitting me, go on, hurt me, kill me, let her see her hero like the stupid brute you truly are!" he taunted. Rey looked at him, then at Finn.

"F-Finn, stop, come on," she said quickly.

Finn shoved Hux to the floor, then ran out the door, shutting it and grabbing Rey's wrist. They ran to the elevator, Ben close behind them,and he pressed the button, looking down the hall nervously. Mikey started crying and Rey desperately tried to calm him down, although she was crying, herself. "Rey…" She looked up as Finn spoke. "You don't have to be afraid. I have you now, I'll protect you. Both of you." He hugged her protectively, quickly hurrying her in as the elevator arrived. He knew Rey was perfectly capable of protecting herself. He had seen her take down fully grown men before, with nothing but a few bruises on her afterwards. But what was she supposed to do when she was pregnant? And even after she had Mikey, she had to be very careful not to put him in harm's way. He could tell by the way she was holding him that his safety was a priority over her own, and Finn wouldn't have expected anything else from her.

The elevator reached the bottom floor and the door opened. They quickly made their way through the lobby and out to the street. "Finn, slow down," Rey told him quietly, trying to keep up with him. He looked back at her. "If he hasn't come after us yet, he isn't going to." She stood still, making him stop, and she looked up and around, at the buildings. He watched her and waited, glancing at the hotel every so often. She looked at him and pulled him closer, hugging him and kissing him. "I love you…"

"I love you too," he told her.

"Thank you for saving me… I-I felt so helpless, I-I couldn't fight him," she whimpered. "I-I'm sorry I let him hurt Mikey, he would always do it the moment he was out of my reach…"

"I know this isn't your fault… he's disgusting," Finn told her. She nodded.

"Your cousin's here too, you know." Rey turned towards Ben and smiled a bit. She handed Mikey to Finn and went to Ben, hugging him.

"Hi, Ben," she chuckled. "How are you?"

"Great," he smirked. "Glad to get that asshole out of the way for now. What did he do with them?" Rey glanced at the kids.

"He was quite fond of them, actually… he's interested in Christina in particular," she told him. Ben frowned. "I don't know, he just kept saying that he could see something in her eyes…"

"Well, if he lays a hand on em ever again, the last thing he'll ever see if my fist in his face," he chuckled, kissing Chrissy's head. "Let's head back."

They walked towards the hotel, and Finn watched Rey as she looked around at the city. He looked down at his son in his arms and noticed that he seemed to be hiding and shaking. "Hey, did you guys go outside much?" he asked. Rey looked over at him and shook her head. She looked at Mikey and pouted a little, touching his head gently. There was a rumble of thunder and rain was starting to fall, and Mikey held onto Finn tighter. "Hey, buddy, it's ok, it's just a little thunder."

Rey looked up again. "You don't realize how lovely something like rain is until you haven't felt it for a year…" she breathed. Finn looked over at her and frowned sadly.

When they got to the hotel, the rain was starting to pour, and Christina and Noah were starting to cry. "Hey, I'm going to stay out here for a minute, Ben you can head on up," Rey said happily. He nodded and went upstairs with the kids. Finn smiled a little and walk over to a covered area outside the hotel. Rey walked with him and held out her arms for Mikey. He smiled a bit and kissed her, handing the baby to her. She walked with Mikey out into the rain again, smiling brightly. At first, Mikey was fussy, but after Rey held out her hand, guiding his to do the same, he started laughing, happy to feel something new.

"Hey, Rey, come on back inside," Finn called. "Poe's gonna wanna see you." Rey hurried over to him, wringing out her t-shirt a little and looking suddenly nervous.

"Poe's here?" she asked.

Finn raised an eyebrow, bringing her inside to the elevator. "Yeah, he said he had to come. Why?" he told her. Rey got on the elevator with him and frowned, not saying anything for a minute. "Rey-?"

"Ben shouldn't have let him come," she finally said. "And he definitely shouldn't have left him in the hotel room."

Finn lead her towards their room and knocked, since Ben had the key. "Wait, why?" he asked.

The door opened violently. "It's about fucking time!" Ben snapped. "Watch the fucking kids!"

"Oh God, no…" Rey breathed.

"What, why? What's happening?" Finn tried.

"Poe's not in the fucking room!" Ben growled. He looked at Rey. "You knew?!" Her eyes widened and she shook her head. He covered his face and tried to breath. "I shouldn't have let him come… fuck! I knew I shouldn't have left him here, he was so scared…"

"Hux is obsessed with him," Rey told him. "He would bring him up any chance he got…." Ben looked at her, terrified. "We'll watch the kids, Ben, go!" Ben ran out of the room and to the stairs, going down two at a time. He ran through the lobby and down the street, narrowly missing oncoming cars when he crossed the street and shoving people out of the way without thinking. The rain made it hard to see, but his thoughts were rushing around so quickly in his head, that even on a perfectly clear day, he wouldn't know what was just in front of him. He was just glad he had memorized every turn and street he needed to take to get to the building.

He ran through the parking lot and to the stairs. He tried desperately to remember the house number. Was it 504 or 405… or 540 or 450? Damn his dyscalculia! He reached desperately into his pockets, trying to find the paper Poe had given him with the address. It was sopping wet, the letters faded, but he could make out a five and a zero and a four. He had to say it out loud to remember, but he repeated it over and over again as he ran up the stairs until he saw the 5 on the door. He opened it and looked from door to door, panicking. Five, zero, eight. Five zero six. Five zero three… what was the number again?

He swore at himself, probably out loud, which would explain why the two cleaning ladies coming out of one of the apartments were so startled. That or the fact that a six and a half foot tall, soaking wet man was stalking up and down the hall in a rage. He grabbed at the paper again, growling as it deteriorated in his hand. He threw it aside and looked at the doors. Some of them had names on them, some of them didn't. He took a deep breath and looked at the two cleaning women, who were speaking rapid Japanese to each other. "Do you speak English?!" he asked, too loudly. He winced. They looked at one another. "Uh- uh, English? I need a number?" He put his hands over his face. He didn't have time for this, Poe could be in all sorts of horrible situations. He looked around. He pointed at one of the names on one of the doors. "Name?!"

"Ah, na?" one of them said.

"Sure yeah!" he agreed quickly. "Si or whatever. Um na Hux?" They looked at each other again, then pointed at the door next to the one they had just come out of. He looked, and sure enough, there was those three letters, H-U-X under a big 5-0-4. "Yes, thank you! Um, Ari- something!" They hurried to the elevator, obviously scared. He went to the door and pulled on it, finding it unlocked. He hesitated. That wasn't right…

He opened it and looked in, seeing that all the lights were off. He went in, moving cautiously towards the living room. "Poe?!" he hissed. He looked into the living room and saw that it was completely empty. The couches and side tables were still there, but the bookshelf was empty, there were no rugs, nothing was plugged in, no TV on the TV-stand. "No… no no no…" He quickly looked in any drawer he could find. It was all empty. He went around the house, he opened every door to every cupboard and room, looked in every possible place and found everything gone. No clothes. No towels. No silverware. No food in the fridge or pantry. There were still dishes, but when he looked, they all had the name of the building on the bottom, so they didn't belong to Hux.

He trembled slightly. Where was Poe? Where had Hux taken him?! He pulled his phone out of him pocket, shaking water off of it. Thank his mother for making him get that waterproof case… He clicked Poe's number anxiously. He heard a buzzing sound from one of the other rooms and froze. He hurried towards it, following it to the bedroom. He looked around, trying to locate the source of the sound. It stopped when his phone went to voicemail and he swore, calling again. The buzzing started again, and this time he saw something light up near the door. Everything around him stopped, and he put his phone down by his side as he walked just outside the door, seeing the phone lit up as it lay ringing on the hallway floor. He leaned down and picked it up with trembling hands, seeing his own face on the call screen under his name with a heart next to it. The call ended again and it showed Poe's lock screen for a minute. It was a picture of him, and Ben and their kids…

Lightening lit up the house for a moment and thunder rattled the windows. Ben found himself leaned against the doorway, almost unable to breathe. Hux had Poe… Hux had his everything, and Ben hadn't gotten there in time to save him...

He shouldn't have left Poe in that damn hotel room by himself.

He put Poe's phone in his pocket carefully, then his own. He looked in the vanity mirror over the empty wardrobe and saw his hair was soaked, stuck to his face, all around his eyes was puffy and red. He hadn't even known he was crying…

He growled and punched the mirror with a cry of rage, shattering it, along with his pathetic reflection. "You idiot!" he screamed. "You weak, useless, stupid idiot!" He grabbed one of the drawers out of the dresser and threw it across the room, watching it splinter as it hit the opposite wall. He had been too weak to protect Poe. He had gone soft, had weakened to believe that nothing bad could happen if he and Poe just loved each other enough. He pulled out another drawer, and another, then another. They all went across the room and covered the floor and bed with splintered wood, a lamp falling along with them. When all the drawers were out, he grabbed the back of the dresser and pulled it to the ground with a roar. He was seeing red, he was so angry, every flash of lightning igniting more and more rage within him.

Before he knew what was happening, the bedding was off the bed, somehow thrown out a broken window, and the mattress was torn open, shredded and thrown aside near the fallen dresser. Pieces of the side tables were scattered across the room, some on the floor, some stuck in the mattress, some in the wall- although they were indistinguishable from pieces of wood from the dresser at this point. He had, at some point, stormed into the living room and had torn it apart in a similar fashion, leaving nothing but a pile of splintered wood, the cushion material from couches and chairs, and broken glass from cups and bowls he had grabbed from the kitchen, a cold, uneaten plate of breakfast was thrown in as well.

He felt a sudden sharp pain in this left hand as he punched through one of the bedroom walls, determined to break it down. He had no control. He couldn't stop hitting the wall, even as he felt bones breaking and saw blood staining every piece of wall that broke with his hand. He backed up and lifted his leg to kick the door frame down, since there was no wall left to protect it-

He raised his head slowly, feeling pieces of broken glass fall out of his hair onto the floor. "Oh my…" he heard that horrible voice tsk. He looked around, seeing the destroyed house in the morning sunlight. He was curled up in the corner of the bedroom, his knees hugged to his chest with his good arm. He didn't know how much time had passed, or why he was in the corner, but he was in control again, he was aware of his surroundings. "Look what you've done. You monster."

Ben looked up carefully, watching Hux step carefully over his mess. "Where's Poe…?" he croaked, his voice almost completely gone.

Hux crouched down next to him and started picking glass out of his hair. "You know, some of the neighbors complained. Some called the police. I had to deal with it, you troublesome boy. You can't go anywhere without causing problems can you. You're a walking jinx," he taunted him, smirking wickedly. Ben hit his hand away, but he was weak, exhausted, and Hux just kept picking glass out of his hair and throwing it without any problem.

"Poe...?" Ben wheezed, then coughed as his words caught in his throat. Hux touched Ben's cheek bone with his pale thumb, pressing on the contrasting near black bruise that Ben probably had no idea was covering his face, caused by a almost certainly broken nose. He wondered if this pathetic bastard knew what a mess he was, inside and out. He smirked and chuckled, standing up.

"Rey called me too, said you didn't answer your phone the ten or so times she called. I told that you were probably here, and I'd come get you in the morning once you were dead tired," Hux continued, kicking some of the debris aside. "You can't walk back to the hotel like that, you'll get arrested. Seriously. So I got a car to bring you to the hospital. Rey's in the car, I figured you'd need someone. She'll come up once I go-"

"Where's…. POE!?" Ben demanded, breaking down into sobs. Hux stared down at him, his face smug with sick amusement. He towered over him and reached into his pockets, smirking some more.

Hux pulled one hand out of his pocket and dropped something in front of Ben. It landed on the hardwood floor with a ping and bounced a bit until it fell still. "Poe Dameron isn't your concern anymore," he told him sweetly, a cold, arrogant twinge to the voice. Without another word, he turned and walked out of the apartment.

Ben stared down at Poe's wedding ring, watching it come back into view every so often when the sun would hit it, and when his eyes would stay open long enough. This little object was all he had of Poe now. In an attempt to make himself look like even more of a psycho, Hux had taken it from Poe, and given it back to Ben. He had gone out of his way to show that he was in possession of what was no longer Ben's, and had given him this as proof, confirmation that he had nothing but his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Poor Ben. Poor Poe. Why do I do this? Anyway, in terms of story arcs, this ends this kind of short one. Chapter 11 to come soon! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to leave comments to let me know what you think! Thanks


	11. Thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'm so sorry this took so long to post! I was VERY jetlagged after getting home from Japan, then I had my birthday (I'm 18 now, woo!) and this week has been crazy! Thanks for your patience, everyone! This Chapter takes place THREE MONTHS after the last chapter, and then two months pass later in the chapter. Also, I left it off at a cliffhanger, sorry! Enjoy!

Ben jumped when he felt Rey wrap her arms around his shoulders from behind. "How's the hand?" she asked him cheerfully. He held up the black cast on his hand, not saying anything. She sighed. "Are you gonna come and join us? Mikey's gonna blow out the candle soon. Or he's gonna try, at least." She chuckled and glanced out to the dining room and looked at her son, smiling.

"Dunno, maybe," he mumbled. She looked down at him again, letting go of him and sitting on the couch next to him.

"Do you wanna talk?" she questioned, rubbing his arm.

He flinched away. "Not really…" he told her.

Rey sighed again and pulled her hand away. "Okay…" she agreed. She didn't say anything for a moment. "Have you heard anything-"

"No," he snapped shortly. Rey opened her mouth to say something else, but he stood up. "I'm gonna head out."

"O-Oh, okay," she said sadly. "Where're you heading?"

"Out," he said again, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch. "Watch the kids."

"Will you be back?" she asked.

"Maybe," Ben mumbled.

"You can't keep leaving like this…" Rey tried.

"I can. And I have to," he argued. "Poe's still out there, and we don't have time to waste on birthday parties for kids who are too young to understand." Rey stood up and crossed her arms, choosing not to say anything against him. It wouldn't do her any good, he was going to leave no matter what she said.

"Alright," she sighed. "See you later, then…" Ben nodded a bit and went to the front door, without another word, going out to his car. Rey sighed and went back to the dining room, where Finn had finally gotten Mikey to stay in his high chair. Her expression softened when she saw her baby, and she smiled a bit. It was nice to see him so happy. He was surrounded by his family, Leia and Luke each holding one of Ben's kids. Mikey smiled a lot now, he laughed, he wasn't afraid of everything anymore. His skin was clear of bruises- other than the occasional small one from running into walls or furniture when he walked around -and he had even managed to put on a bit of weight. Rey had been so relieved when Mikey had started eating normally. Before, he would sometimes reject any kind of food she offered him. It was just so nice to see him happy.

"Is he coming out, or are we doing cake without him?" Leia asked, smiling up at her. Rey glanced at her and shook her head.

"He's gone. He just left," she told him, a bit annoyed. Finn sighed and glanced outside. "Well, let's not keep Mikey waiting. He didn't plan on staying, so no harm done I guess..."

"No, he's acting selfish," Leia argued, standing up and setting Chrissy in her chair. "I'll go talk to him." She went out the door.

"Ben?" she called to him. He was just getting into his car. He glanced up at her. "Where are you going this time?"

Chrissy ran out the door, yelling happily for her Dad. Ben sighed and walked over to her, picking her up, and kissed her head. "Hey, Chris. Daddy's gonna head out to find Dad again," he told her. "I haven't found him yet, but I'll find him soon enough, I promise."

Chrissy pouted. "No," she tried. "No Daddy. Daddy stay"

"I'll be back, I promise," he told her again. He set her down. "Now go do whatever it was you were doing. Love you." Chrissy hugged his legs then ran back through the door. Leia was glaring at him. "What?"

"Don't forget about your responsibilities as a father, Ben. You need to be here for them," she tried.

"I am here for them. I'll be back," he told her one more time before going to his car again and getting in. She watched him light a cigarette before starting the car and driving off.

Leia sighed and went back inside shutting the door. "Well," she called into the house. She walked back to the dining room and sat down again. "He's gone…"

"Well, at least we can still celebrate together, right?" Finn pointed out, with a small smiled. Leia smiled slightly and nodded.

"Of course," Rey agreed. She heard the mailman drop the mail through the slot in the door, and she stepped over to grab it, walking back in as she shifted through each one. She stopped when she reached the dining room table again and smiled brightly. She dropped the other letters on the table and started opening one.

"What's in it?" Finn asked. Rey opened up the letter and read through it, her face lighting up. "Did it go through?"

"It's all done!" she agreed. "I'm no longer married to the worst human on Earth!" Finn laughed and went around the table, hugging her.

"Congratulations," he told her happily. He kissed her. "And now, we can start planning our wedding."

Rey blushed. "Yes, we can," she said softly, kissing him again. Mikey made a little noise of impatience, and Rey looked over at him. "Oh, look at Mr. Patient over here, such a good boy." She kissed his head. "Let's get your cake then, love."  
\---

"How's it feel that your daughter's getting married?" Leia laughed as she unlocked the door to her house. "Really married?"

Luke chuckled. "It feels… weird," he said. "She's twenty years old… which is crazy in itself. She's not a baby anymore, I don't know what happened."

Rey's car pulled up in the driveway behind theirs and she got out. "Sweetie, you don't have to stay over to help us, really," Leia chuckled as Rey hurried to the door.

"It's fine," Rey told her with a smile. "If Ben's not going to be around to do it, you're going to need some help." She hugged her Dad, taking one of the kids out of his arms. Leia unlocked the door and immediately sighed at she smelled the house.

"Ben!" she cried. Going in and going to his bedroom. She knocked on the door. "What the hell are you doing?"

He grumbled something and went to the door, opening it slightly so that he was visible, his shirtless frame blocking the doorway. "What?" he asked.

"You're smoking. Which isn't allowed in the house," she reminded him. "And what makes it worse, you're not smoking cigarettes. Your kids are here, do you think they should be around that?" He just stared at her. "Open your door, I can see all the bottles on the floor, you can't leave them there with the kids around."

"They won't come in here if the door's closed," he pointed out, trying to close it. She caught it before it could close and she threw it open again, going in and starting to pick up the bottles. He grunted and walked out the door, looking at Rey. "Sup?"

"What are you doing in there?" she asked coldly. He held up his blunt and put it between his lips. "And drinking?"

"I am twenty two. Been legal for a whole year," he pointed out. Rey rolled her eyes and handed Christina back to Luke.

"The legal drinking age never stopped you," she mumbled. "Dad, could you go occupy the kids for a few minutes?" Luke nodded and kissed her cheek, heading towards the stairs.

"It never stopped you either. Have you ever smoked weed?" Ben asked, going back into his room and falling onto his bed. Rey followed him and glanced at Leia, who was just shaking her head and picking up Ben's floor.

"Once," she told Ben. "Leia, you don't have to do that. I can if you want."

Leia stood up and sighed. "Thank you, Rey. And I won't tell your Dad what you just said," she told her niece, patting her arm.

"Thanks," Rey chuckled. Leia brought the bag of bottles out to the kitchen and Rey closed the door behind her. She went over to the bed and sat next to her cousin. "What's going on, Ben?"

"Can't find him," he mumbled. "I can't find him anywhere. He's fucking gone, without a trace." He sucked on the joint. "I can't do this. I can't lose him, Rey. I don't have anything without him."

"You have two kids," she reminded him. He sighed. "Two kids that really miss their Daddy."

"Yeah. I know. But I can't raise them on my own, Rey, I need Poe…" he pressed. "I love him, and it's my fault that he's gone-"

"Don't," Rey said.

"Don't what?"

"Don't start this again" she told him. "Don't blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. Hux would have found a way to get him, whether he had been with you or not. We'll find him, Ben, we will-"

"But I couldn't protect him," he growled. "He needed me, and I couldn't keep him safe. I have to find him, Rey."

She didn't say anything for a minute. "We'll find him," she said again. "Together. You, Finn, Me, we'll find him and bring him home. It'll take some time but we can do it. But not until you get your act together, and stop drinking enough beer to cover your floor in bottles." He grunted in response, and she rolled her eyes, starting to pick up the bottles. "It's just alcohol, right?"

"And weed," he added.

"Nothing else?" she questioned. Ben nodded slowly. "You promise?"

"You can look around my room if you don't believe me. My hand just hurts so fucking bad, weed's the only thing that helps... I tripped on acid the other night, but that was when I was out," he told her.

"How did you do that?" Rey asked, concerned. She stood up straight.

"At a party," he explained. She raised an eyebrow. "I got invited to a party, so I went. The kids were taken care of so…"

"Your kids are always taken care of. By us," she told him. "Not by their parents. Honestly, Ben. You have so many issues, so many things you're pissed at your parents about. You feel like they weren't there for you, you feel like they didn't care, you feel like they hated you. And you complain and complain and complain, but now that you have two kids to take care of, you're doing everything that you felt was done badly to you. Your Mom tried. I watched her try to engage with you. Eventually, she did stop, because she gave up on trying to have a son who wasn't there. But Christina, and Noah? They want you to be there, and you're just going to push them away too." Rey sat back down on the bed next to him. He wasn't looking at her. She sighed and touched his arm. "Ben, we're all here for you. But you need to take responsibility for the two children that you promised Poe you would take care of. What would he think about how you're acting-?"

"I know what Poe would think about me! I'm not a fucking idiot! Okay?! But I can't fucking do this shit without him, I don't know how!" he snapped at her.

"Ben, we're here to help you, we can help you figure out how-" she tried.

"I don't want your help! I want Poe!" he growled. Rey looked down and sighed. Ben got up and started getting dressed.

"Where're you going?" Rey asked.

"Out."

She sighed. "That can't be your answer any time I ask. Where is out?" She threw the bottles in her arms into the trash can.

Ben sighed, buckling up his jeans. "I'm meeting up with some friends," he told her. She raised an eyebrow. "I have friends."

"Since when?" she questioned. He glared at her. "Is this what you're doing when you're looking for Poe?"

"Shut up," he told her, going to the door and going out to the living room. She stood up and followed him.

"You're a coward, you know that?!" she snapped at him. He froze in the middle of the room, looking down and clenching his hands into fists as he tried to process this. "That makes you angry, I know. But it's the truth. You take us all for granted and all we want to do is help you!" She saw Leia and Luke both appear in the doorway.

Ben turned and looked at her. "Stop. Don't do that here. Not now," he warned her.

"Then where? When will it be a good time to tell you to get your act together, because we're all sick of dealing with you."

"You're sick of dealing with me?" he repeated coldly.

"Yeah," she said, walking up to him. He backed up a bit. "I'm sick of trying to be nice and supportive and just getting the cold shoulder in return! You're mother is sick of cleaning up after you everyday, trying to get you back on your feet, while you just lay there, on your ass all day, or going out and partying at night! Finn's sick of taking care of your kids all the time, and taking care of our child, and trying to work! You know he's spent a lot of money on Christina and Noah? Almost as much as he's spent on Mikey, just on diapers and food, trying to take care of what's yours to take care of! We love them, we'll do anything we can to help them, but it's stressing him out! It's stressing us all out!"

"You ever think maybe I'm stressed out?!" Ben yelled back at her. "Maybe I'm sick of how you treat me!"

Rey didn't say anything for a minute. She tried to take a deep breath. "How… I treat you?" she questioned, her voice cracking.

"Like a child! You treat me like I'm a fucking baby! I'm twenty one years old, I'm older than you-!" he reminded her.

"Then start fucking acting like it!" she snapped at him. The next thing she knew, she was on the floor with a horrible shooting pain in her nose and right eye. She heard Luke and Leia both coming over, frantic and trying to see if she was okay. She looked up at Ben, saw that he still had his fist raised, but looked shocked, horrified. She stood up slowly, carefully.

Ben backed away from her slowly. "A-Are you okay?" he asked. "I-I'm sorry, Rey, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that…."

"Didn't you?" she scoffed, pulling her hair elastic off of her wrist and putting her hair up to keep it out of the blood dripping from her nose.

"Of course not," he said. He glanced at Leia, who was glaring at him, and Luke who was trying to make sure Rey didn't fall over or something. "I-I would never hurt you-"

"But you did," she pointed out coldly. He looked uncomfortable, his hands in fists by his sides again, but now they opened and closed nervously.

"Rey, I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry," he said again, stepping closer again.

She stood her ground, glaring up at him. "Do you want me to accept your apology? Do you want me to tell you it's okay that you punched me in the face?!" she growled at him.

Ben gulped. "Rey, come on, I didn't mean to. I-I didn't think it through-" he tried. Rey brought her fist up and punched him full force in the face, knocking him back, then bringing her other fist and hitting him in the stomach. He grabbed the wall to keep himself from falling over, the air punched out of him for a minute. He coughed and looked up at Rey, who was just glaring at him with her arms crossed. "What the fuck?! I was apologizing!"

"Sorry. I didn't think it through," she spat at him. Ben's face twisted into a sneer and he stood up straight, towering over her. Rey looked unfazed. "How does it feel, hearing that excuse?"

Ben huffed and backed up a bit. "Say what you wanna fucking say," he told her.

Rey put a hand on her hip. "What I want to say?" she chuckled coldly. "I've said what I want to say. Many times. You just never listen."

"I'm listening. Say it," he said again, crossing his arms.

"Alright Ben. I'll say what I want to say. I'll say what we all want to say," Rey started.

"Rey, sweetie," Luke spoke up, touching her shoulder.

"No, dude, let her say it, I wanna hear her tell me what a fuck up I am," Ben told him.

Rey shook her head. "That. Right there. You always have to play the victim, Ben, nothing's ever your fault! You've self-titled yourself as the family disappointment, the freak, even while we were all here supporting you! We all watched you fall, we all picked up back up again, you threw it back in our faces, then came back for help when you were falling again! It's a horrible cycle and I'm sick of it!" Ben shook his head and started turning to leave. She grabbed him and shoved him back against the door. "Listen! Don't fucking run, you coward! You run from everything that hurts a little bit, and then you try to act all tough and independent. You blame all your mistakes on your anger issues, even when it's just you being an idiot! It's time to step up and start taking responsibility for your own life. Not everything is about you, we all have our own shit to deal with. We can't be here for the rest of our lives to cater to your every need, while you just sit around and walk all over us!"

Ben blinked. "T-That hurts…" he told her honestly.

"That's how we all feel. All the time," she said. "When you belittle us, and make us feel like what you need is more important. You are the most spoiled, selfish, ungrateful brat I've ever met. Ben Solo!"

"Dameron…" he corrected quietly.

"What?" she sighed.

"My last name is Dameron. I'm married…" he reminded her.

"Don't change the subject Ben…" Rey laughed. "I can't... I just can't…" She let go of him and sat on the couch covering her face. No one said anything for a minute. Ben sat on the floor next to the couch.

"I'm sorry," he told her again.

Rey uncovered her face and shook her head. "Ben, when you say sorry but don't change the behavior, sorry starts to lose it's meaning and just becomes an excuse," she said.

Ben looked down. "I-I…" he started. He shook his head and closed his eyes. "Well then help me figure out how to change…"

"You have to do it on your own. I'm not your babysitter. I'm not going to baby you anymore," she told him. "You've complained about being treated like a child, so I'll start treating you like an adult. That means learning how to live in the real world, taking responsibility for yourself, taking care of your kids-"

"That sounds like a lot…" he mumbled.

"Imagine doing it twice as much, with someone else's kids," she reminded him. "Imagine Christina and Noah hating you when they grow up because they were abandoned by their Daddy. Really abandoned, not the way you felt about your parents." There was more silence for a few minutes. She stood up and shook her head. "I know you're scared for Poe, Ben. But you aren't doing anything to make the situation better. Me and Finn are getting married in about two months, and when we do, you're going to be mostly on your own. We have our own lives to deal with."

"I know…" he said quietly.

"We'll always be here to help, but-"

"I know. I get it, I have to grow up," he snapped, hugging his knees to his chest. "I heard you. I listened." Rey rolled her eyes a bit and walked towards the bathroom.

"Good. It's about time," she said. "Oh, and by the way, you just punched a girl in the face. I hope you don't think that's a thing people in public will tolerate."

"It was an accident…" he mumbled.

"I know you didn't think it through, Ben, but you need to start thinking things through," she told him. He stared at her for a minute. "You think I don't know what it's like. To get mad and not understand why. To go in public and not understand what people are thinking or feeling or doing. But trust me, it happens all the time to me. I just learned to control it and deal with it."

"Am I a horrible person because I can't control myself and learn?" he asked. Rey sighed, knowing it was an honest question. She walked over to him and knelt in front of him.

"Let me tell you something…" she said seriously. "He's just like you. I spent a year with someone just like you. Except he's watched people, and disciplined himself to act normal in the correct circumstances. But does that make him a good person….? Absolutely not. I watched him fall apart…" He looked up at her. Rey hadn't talked about her year with Hux. She didn't want to relive it. "I watched him get so angry at something so small that he couldn't hear the world around him, and he crushed broken glass in his hand just to watch himself bleed. I thought he had snapped, I thought he was going to kill me. Other times, he would get mad about something and just change the subject to Poe, as if to make himself feel better… I don't know. The point is, he could control himself most of the time, but he hit me, he hurt my baby. And when he fell apart, he didn't call for help, he wanted to watch himself fall apart just to see how far he could push himself."

"And now Poe's with him," Ben said quietly. Rey sighed and nodded. "What is it about Poe that he likes so much?"

"What is it about Poe that you love so much?" she questioned back.

Ben frowned. "Everything… he's perfect, he's beautiful, he's kind, he's loyal…" he listed. "He accepts people for who they are, he changes them…"

"That's what Hux likes about him," she said. "He wants to be accepted and loved for who he is…"

"He doesn't deserve to be loved or accepted," he growled.

"That's not true. Everyone does. But he has earn people's love and respect, because he lost any trust anyone had in him," she corrected him. "Maybe his father will forgive him for being a mistake someday and maybe he'll learn to be kind… He knows how, maybe he'll just learn that a little kindness can go a long way..."

"Don't pity him, he deserves to rot in jail," he snapped. She didn't say anything for a minute, just looking down at the floor. "What?" She didn't say anything. "Rey?"

Rey looked up at him, her eyes glossy. "I'm sorry that I punched you in the face…" He frowned as she stood up. "And in the stomach."

"D-Don't apologize, I punched you first," he said quietly.

"Right…" she chuckled. "Finn's going to kill you." Ben didn't say anything so she sighed and went towards his bedroom door. "I'm going to look in your room."

"Kay…" he mumbled, leaning his head against the couch. She walked into his room and picked up the rest of the bottles off of the floor. She picked up other garbage across the room and threw it away as well. She went through his drawers to check for anything that could hurt him.

"Hey, Rey," she heard her Dad say. She looked up and smiled. Luke came in and sat on the bed. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled lightly. She pulled a bag of weed out of Ben's sock drawer and sighed.

"Your nose is bleeding," he reminded her.

Rey dropped the bag back in the drawer and looked in Ben's mirror. "Oh, I forgot," she said. "I'll have to clean up in a moment…" She continued looking through his drawers.

"What are you looking for?" he asked nervously.

"Heroin," she explained, reaching under a pile of shirts.

"Oh… you don't have to do that Rey," he told her.

"No, I do," she said. "I have to make sure the kids aren't going to get-" She paused and pulled out a picture out of the drawer.

"What is it?" Luke asked. Rey handed it to him and he sighed. It was a picture of the whole family: Luke, Leia, Rey, Ben, Mara, and Han. Everyone was smiling, even Ben, and the date on the bottom was just a few weeks before the accident. Luke leaned forward and hugged his daughter.

"I-I miss her…" Rey whispered. Luke looked down at her sadly. "I-I miss my Mom…"

"I know, of course you do, Rey," Luke said, kissing her head. "I miss her too… but everyday I see so much of her in you, and it makes me proud to see that you're so much like her." Rey looked up at him. "And I know she wouldn't have wanted me to give up, I knew that I needed to be there for you… I was there for you enough, wasn't I?"

"Of course, Dad," she told him, kissing his cheek. Luke smiled a bit and rubbed her back. "She would be proud of both of us. I hope she can see us..." She sighed and stood up, closing Ben's drawer.

"She'd be proud to know that you can take care of yourself," Luke told her. She turned to respond and saw Ben standing in the open doorway.

"You don't have to stay the night… They're my kids, I need to take care of them," he told her quietly. "You can go home…"

Rey blinked. "Alright, Ben if you think you've got it…" she said. "Are you okay?"

"Thinking a lot. But I'm good. I need to see my kids," he said. He moved out of the doorway and towards the stairs. "I'll text you to let you know I'm good and stuff, okay? Love you." He went upstairs.

"Y-Yeah, love you," she called after him, following him out of the room, looking worried. She looked at Leia and Luke. "Um… okay… he's fine?"

"Is he?" Leia asked, looking up the stairs.

"Yeah… He's okay," she said. "I-I should go, I guess…" She covered her face and shook her head. "I-I feel weird leaving… I-I feel like I can't leave him alone…"

"Sweetheart, it's ok. He isn't your responsibility…" Leia reminded her. Rey looked at her and nodded. "I really appreciate you helping him out, but you don't have to. I can handle it. Finn and Mikey would probably love to have you home."

Rey took a deep breath and nodded again. "You're right… you're right, I have my own family to take care of…" she reminded herself. She smiled sadly, hugging her Aunt and her Dad before leaving.  
\---

"How do you think Mikey's doing?" Rey asked, laying down on the bed next to Finn.

Finn laughed. "Rey, I'm sure Mikey's doing just fine. Don't worry about him, we're on our honeymoon. Just relax and know that everyone and everything is okay," he said, kissing her cheek.

"Except for Poe. And Ben…" she sighed, cuddling up to him. He looked down at her raising an eyebrow.

"You worry too much," he chuckled. "I'm going to have to bust open a bottle of champagne or something just to get you to relax." He got off of the bed and went over to their room's mini fridge. "We only have one more night here, you know, I want to enjoy it."

"Yeah, I know you do. I do too." She watched him pour the drinks. "Leia just sounded anxious when I asked about Ben on the phone today, and now I can't stop thinking-"

"Ben punched you in the face, he can handle himself. I'm not mad, but I'm still pissed," he cut her off.

"D-Don't be mean, okayHe felt really bad. He sent me a bunch of flowers, remember. He's been trying to change," she told him seriously. Finn looked over at her. He didn't have any reason to forgive Ben for hurting Rey. It had taken everything he had not to go straight to his house and give him a piece of his mind the moment he had seen the blood on Rey's face when she had gotten home. But she had insisted that he stay, so that the three of them could be together for the rest of Mikey's first birthday.

"Maybe I'll have to do more than just give you a drink," he chuckled, smiling a bit at her, She sighed and sat up, curling her knees to her chest and watching him walk back over. "I definitely need to do something to distract you from all those thoughts in your head. We only have one night left in this beautiful beach resort in Hawaii, just you and me, the whole room to ourselves, and nobody to bother us." He sat down on the bed with her, handing her her champagne flute, which she sipped gently. He watched her as he sipped his own.

"It really is beautiful here," she agreed, drinking half of the fizzy drink. "And it's so nice to just have you and me together." She drained the glass and set it on her nightstand. He set his down when he finished it and pulled her so that she was laying down, and he was kneeling over her.

"It really is," he whispered, kissing her neck and jaw. "But it's only one more night, Rey, I only get you all to myself for one more night. That means only one more night where I can fuck my wife without having to worry about waking up a baby across the hall. We should enjoy that, right?"

Rey laughed a bit, moving her hand over his bare shoulders and kissing him deeply. "I supposed we should, husband," she agreed softly.

Finn lifted her hips a bit, grinning as he worked to pull off her skirt. "I still can't believe we're each other's husband and wife. That's crazy," he chuckled, throwing her skirt aside and running his hands over her hips. He leaned down and kissed her neck again, just wanting to be closer to her. "It seems like just yesterday you were a little freshman girl, hitting me over the head with a book because you thought I had stolen Poe's jacket." She laughed. "It seems like yesterday that we would both say ew and get all blushy and awkward when people would ask when we were going to start dating." He moved slightly to kick off his sweatpants and throw them aside. Then he moved to hover over her again, his lips right above her's. "Who knew that clumsy, uncertain girl would turn out to be the beautiful, strong woman I got to marry?" Rey leaned up and kissed him.

"Who knew that awkward, burly boy would turn out to be the awkward, burly man I got married to?" she teased, touching his bare chest and feeling as his laugh bubbled through him. "My big, awkward, burly man." He smiled down at her and kissed her, pulling her shirt over her head and staring at her bare form.

"Well, my lady, my queen, my wife," he started, moving back again to pull off his briefs. He loved the way her face reddened slightly at the sight of his naked body. "How about we see if I can prove myself to be more big and burly than awkward." Rey's face slowly broke out into a smile, and she pulled him down into another kiss.

"You don't have to prove anything to me, Finn," she told him softly, bringing her hands up over her shoulders.

Finn took her, never making just it about himself. He longing to make it perfect for both of them. He knew that Rey was never very verbal during sex. But he wasn't ever afraid that she wasn't enjoying it. Still, hearing her occasional gasp or moan drove him to make her feel that way again. She deserved as much pleasure as he could give her. They had missed a whole year of their lives together, and it been filled with pain and unhappiness. He had to make that year up to her.

"Finn-!" He looked down when he heard her cry out his name, felt her nails dig into his back, and it made him shiver. He was afraid he'd done something to hurt her for a minute, was about to stop, when he felt her arch up into him and whine. "D-Do that, keep doing that!"

"Doing what?" he chuckled, although he was honestly unsure of what he had done. He just kept doing what he was doing and held her close to him as he did it, loving how she clung to him and moaned out his name.

"Keep fucking me like that!" she clarified after a moment. He swore at that, burying his face between her neck and shoulders.

"D-Don't know if I can last much longer," he grunted. "God, keep telling me what you want…."

"I-I want you Finn, just you, only you!" she told him. He groaned.

"I need you to come first, before me," he told her, reaching between her to help her along. She made a pleased noise and kissed him, moaning into his mouth as she came on his hand. He swore loudly and snapped his hips into her's, finishing right behind her. "Christ, I love you so much." He kissed her deeply.

"Oh Finn…" she breathed, holding onto him, as he rolled onto his side beside her and kissed her neck and face. "You're everything to me…" Rey watched him smile. "I mean it. I owe you so much-"

"What? No, I owe you so much!" he corrected. "After that year where I couldn't do anything…" He looked at her and sighed. "No more worrying tonight. Just us, okay?"

Rey smiled and nodded. "Just us…" she agreed.  
\---

"Alright, sweetheart, everything's out of the car," Finn called to Rey, carrying the last of their suitcases out of the car and dropping it in the hallway. He closed the door. "Ready to go pick up Mikey?" He walked to their living room and froze in the doorway. "Um…"

Ben looked up at him from the couch and Rey turned to look at him. "Hi, Finn, how was your honeymoon?" he asked. Finn glanced passed Rey at the woman who was sitting on the other side of the couch and raised an eyebrow.

"What's she doing here?!" he asked angrily. "And how the hell did you get into our house?!"

"Spare key," Ben explained. He glanced at the woman. "You know Phasma?"

"Yes," Phasma answered for them. "I made out with Rey at a party."

Ben looked at Rey in shock. "You're bi?!" he asked, as if that was the only important thing..

"Well…" Rey said. Finn glanced at her in surprise. "But I was pretty drugged at the time, someone roofied me. I really couldn't tell what was happening."

"Your welcome for that. by the way," Phasma chuckled.

Finn started forward angrily. "What?! For drugging me?!" Rey snapped.

"No, no," Phasma scoffed. Rey grabbed Finn and held him back. "I got him in contact with someone to get him the drugs, but I wasn't in on that. Didn't like it as soon as I figured out what he was up to. He was about to take you off to another room but I got people's attention on you, so your welcome."

"But you didn't call the police?" Finn growled.

Phasma tsked. "That dorm was filled with alcohol, heroin, cocaine, acid, you name it. I don't deal with the police," she explained.

"Ben, why is she here, what does she want?" Rey spoke up.

Ben looked at her. "Cause. I didn't want her around the kids, and she showed up at my Mom's house!" he explained frantically. "I didn't know if she was gonna try to sell me something, so I didn't let her talk or anything so I don't actually know why she's here."

"I told you, I'm not trying to sell you anything, honey," Phasma told Ben. Ben still looked nervous.

Rey glanced at Phasma. "You still sell him coke, don't you?" she guessed. "Colin, I mean."

Phasma looked back up at her. "Yes, dear, I do," she agreed.

"So you've seen him?" Rey continued.

"And his little pet," Phasma finished her inquiry for her. Ben looked at her and stood up. "He's fine. I've been asked to give you this." She reached into her jacket and pulled a large manila envelope. Ben grabbed it from her and started ripping it open. "I don't think it's good news, friend." Ben paused and looked up at her. "You know how ultra-possessive Hux can be. I wasn't getting the impression that this envelope contained good news when I was handed it.

Ben frowned. "It's from Poe… it can't be that bad if he's allowed to write to me," he insisted.

"J-Just be careful, Ben…" Rey told him. He continuing to open the envelope, pulling out the letter and sitting down to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: All will be explained in the next chapter! I promise! I'm really sorry about how long it took me to write this one, I keep getting distracted, since I have two other fanfictions that I am writing, both The Force Awaken AU/Crossover fics that will be posted soon after this one is done! As of now, I have up to chapter 15 planned out, but I don't plan on stopping at 15 chapters. so don't worry, there is plenty more to come! Thank you for reading! Leave comments on what you thought of it!


	12. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Here's chapter 12! Let the sadness ensue! Sorry! Here's for everyone wondering about Poe, and there will be more Poe in the next few chapters :) But for now :( 
> 
> Ao3!! I'm sorry if the letter parts are confusing, I can't use italics on this sight :( I have it on my fanfiction.net page too if that helps anyone!

Poe spent all of his time in his room, staring out the window. At least, that's all Hux ever saw of him. Every single time he'd walk past the bedroom, which he thought was a reasonable size and well decorated, Poe would just be sitting in the window sill, his knees curled to his chest and his chin resting on his knees. Hux had even made sure Poe was set up in one of the rooms that had a balcony, but Poe never went out onto it. He told him that he could go outside if he wanted, that he was free to wander around the mansion, and he had never lay a finger on him out of line. He gave him his space, as much as he wanted and needed. Three months of space, or privacy, of kindness. When was Poe going to get the idea that he was safe here? When was he going to be happy?

"What are you so sad about?" Poe didn't look at him when he heard the question being asked, he just leaned his head back against the wall, watching Hux through the reflection. "I've tried very hard to keep you comfortable, and to make sure you're taken care of-"

"Today's Mikey's birthday," Poe cut him off. "Did you know that? You were there when he was born. Bet you didn't care though, as soon as you saw that he wasn't a skinny little ginger white boy like you." Hux raised an eyebrow and leaned against the door frame, holding his tongue. "He's one year old today… I hope things have been okay for him…"

Hux didn't say anything for a moment. "How old are your two?" he asked curiously, not wanting to comment on his feelings towards the, technically, bastard child, Michael… he wasn't one to talk, in all fairness to the child.

"Christina's one year, three months, and two days. Noah's one year, two months, and twenty five days," he told him. The fact that Poe knew that off of the top of his head was shocking to Hux, it made no sense. He knew his children's' exact birth dates, somehow. Hux could barely remember his own birth date, and he doubted his father would put the effort in to remember.

"So you're worried about your family," he guessed. Poe looked up at him sadly. "You don't need to worry, I'm always keeping an eye on them, they're safe-"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Poe spat. Hux looked a bit surprised. "You're always watching my family? Like you own them?"

Hux tilted his head a bit. "I have no intention of hurting them. I thought you'd like to know how they are from time to time," he explained honestly.

Poe turned back to the window. "Thanks…" he mumbled, coldly.

Hux sighed. "Goodnight, Poe." He walked out, leaving him alone again.

Another two months passed, a bit changing. Poe did come out of his room now on occasion, just to walk around and see what the mansion was like. He sat with Hux during meals, and held conversation almost like normal. He understood now that all he had to do if he wanted something was ask Hux, and he would get it. But at the end of the day, he would always be back in his window sill, staring out at the city.

Hux knocked on his door now, wanting to give him that extra sense that he had privacy. Poe looked up at him and smiled lightly. That was nice too. He had gotten Poe comfortable enough to smile again. And Poe did have such a beautiful smile…

That wasn't particularly important to Hux's overall goal. He could live without Poe's beautiful smile, he thought. "How are you feeling this evening?" he asked, sitting on the bed, on the side nearest Poe. Poe turned towards him.

"I'm alright…" he said. "I was just thinking about…" His smile fell a bit and he shook his head. "Need something?"

"No, I just came to tell you some news I recently heard," Hux told him. Poe looked back up at him. "It seems, as of the day before yesterday, your friends Finn and Rey are a newly wed couple."

Poe's smile brightened again and he looked down. "I always knew he could do it. He's gonna be so happy now… they both will be…" he said quietly. Hux watched him for a moment.

"You're still worried about them?" he guessed.

Poe looked up at him. "Of course I am. I'm worried about my best friend. And my husband and my children… I'm constantly dreading the day where you decide you're going to hurt them again…."

Hux tilted his head a bit, staring at him. "What if I made a deal with you Poe?" he suggested.

"What kind of deal?" Poe questioned, suspiciously.

"A deal that would ensure that I never hurt your family, or Finn and his family, ever again," he said. Poe sat up. "I wouldn't have eyes on them. They would never see me, or be worried about me. They would never even have to hear my name again, except by accident in passing or amongst each other."

Poe's eyes filled with tears. "And what do I have to do?" he asked curiously.

Hux gulped, hoping Poe would be willing to take the risk. "You would stay here, with me. Keep me company. I will leave your family alone, permanently. They won't have to be afraid anymore, they won't be watched, and they can live normal lives, no more pain, no more anger, no more fear," he told him. Poe trembled. "But the real catch, Poe, you want the real catch..." Poe nodded. "You won't ever be able to see them again. You'll be here with me, like you are now, but there won't be any chance that they see you again. You won't have any contact with them, and they won't have any contact with you." Poe's face looked more and more horrified with each word Hux said.

"B-But you promise me that they'll be safe?" he questioned seriously. "You won't have anything to do with them either?"

"I promise," Hux said. Poe looked down again, covering his mouth. "You don't have to give me an answer now. You can take as much time as you need to think it over and come to a final decision. And I'll allow you to contact them by letter one more time if you decide to agree to the deal."

Poe nodded slowly. "W-Why…?" he breathed. Hux frowned a bit. "W-Why me? What's so special about me?" Hux raised an eyebrow and looked down.

"Will you allow me to get back to you on that one?" he asked. Poe was weeping, his head against the window. "I'll give you your space…. Try to get your rest, I don't want you to start feeling ill again." He stood up and pat his shoulder gently. He went towards the door.

"C-Could you shut off the light, please?" Poe requested quietly. Hux glanced at him and backtracked to shut off the light. "T-Thank you… a-and could you shut the door behind you?"

"As you wish," Hux told him. Poe mumbled another 'thank you', before he closed the door. "Goodnight, Poe."

\---

"Dear Ben," Ben read out loud. He hesitated. "R-Rey, can you read this out loud? I can't read it..."

"Of course, Ben," she agreed, gently taking it from him. Ben had opened the envelope, and the first thing he had pulled out was this letter. There were other things in the manila envelope, but he insisted on reading the letter first. "Dear Ben…"

"I'm so sorry that this is the first thing you get to hear from me. I've been with Hux for five months, and every single day, I've waited for you to save me. I understand, Ben, I'm not blaming you. I just hope you've been taking care of Christina and Noah. I wish I could see them again.

"I love you Ben. I need you to know that. Always know that, Ben Solo. You've brought me so much joy in the short time I've known you, even when things were scary and didn't look like they would get better. I knew I could always look forward to seeing you smile again at the end. I hope you can smile again at the end of this."

"Why does it sound like a fucking suicide letter?" Ben growled. Rey looked up at him and frowned.

"Do you want me to stop?" she asked, hesitating.

"No, please, keep going," he breathed. Rey sighed and nodded.

"Hux and I have come to an agreement, Ben. I know you're going to hate it, and hate that I agreed to it, but I have to do it. One day, I hope you'll understand. Hux has promised me that you, and Christina and Noah, and Finn and Rey and Mikey, and your Mom and Uncle too, he's promised that he'll never hurt any of you again. He promises that you won't have to be afraid, or angry, or sad, he says he won't watch you anymore and that he'll never bother you again. You're all free to be happy and live your lives without fear. But in return…" Rey trailed off.

"In return what, Rey?!" Ben hissed.

"B-But in return I'm sacrificing my own freedom," Rey read. Ben looked up at her, horrified. "I'll stay here, with him, until I die. He says I don't have to marry him or anything, that I just have to stay and keep him company. But the one thing that hurts me about this, is that I'll never…." Rey paused again, her voice cracking. "I'll never get to see you again. And you'll never get to see me again. We can't write to each other, or talk on the phone, or Skype. None of it. No contact. This is why I said it hurts so much that this is the first thing you'll hear from me. Because it's also the last time I'll get to tell you that I love you… It hurts so much to do this, I don't know how I'll get through the day without hearing you laugh at a joke I make, or hearing Christina and Noah learning to talk. I can't even imagine having to live on without getting to watch them grow, Ben, I think I might die a little more everyday without them, without you. I don't know how I'm going to do this without you, without seeing you and knowing that you find a way to smile once I'm gone. But it's a risk I have to take. Anything to know that you and our babies are safe, that you get to be happy…"

"No, Poe…" Ben whispered, grabbing at his hair.

"I don't want to stop writing to you, Ben, I'm afraid to. If I stop writing I'll have to admit that I'm letting you go… I guess I just did. It doesn't feel good. Please understand Ben, I don't want this. I wish there was another way, but we both know there isn't. I'm ending this now. I'm not going to elongate the fear that we were all living in. I will be safe Ben. Know that. He hasn't hurt me. He hasn't touched me or anything, he's been very respectful of my privacy. My point is, know that I'll be safe too. I don't want you to worry about me anymore. I've enclosed…" Rey paused, glancing up at Ben. "I've enclosed divorce papers in this envelope. I haven't signed them yet. You don't have to sign them, Ben, if you don't want to. But if you do, I'll understand. I don't want you to feel like you're still obligated to me. I want you to have complete freedom to go and start a new life. You have the chance to go find a new love, to start a new family, find someone to take care of you and the kids now that I can't. I won't be mad. I won't ever blame you for wanting to start over. I wish it didn't have to end like this… I wish I could hold you again, just kiss you one more time Ben… I don't want to have to live thinking that someday I won't remember every detail of your face, I want more than just a distant memory. But you know, Ben, that you won't ever completely be forgotten. Because I love you Ben. I love you so much.

"With all the love I have, to you , and Christina, and Noah…" Rey breathed. "Poe."

No one said anything for a moment. Rey was crying lightly, reading the letter over again and shaking her head. Ben was shaking slightly, not believing what he had just heard. He didn't feel like crying, he wasn't there yet in his stages of grief. He hadn't even reached acceptance yet. He was going to have to force his way there. "W-What are you going to do…?" Rey asked him quietly. He looked up her. He didn't understand why she was crying. This wasn't her husband. He stood up, started going towards the kitchen, then walked back and sat back down.

"I need you to help me write a letter back to him," he said, his voice dark and emotionless. Rey sighed and nodded, setting the letter down on the envelope, standing up and grabbing a notebook out of the desk drawer, and a pen. She sat back down next to him and waited for him to speak.  
\---

Poe felt the ring before anything else. It slid around in the envelope as he opened it, and it fell out into his hand. The black titanium and steel felt cold on his palm, not anything like he wanted it to. He closed his eyes and closed his hand around the ring, holding it to his heart. He sat down on his bed, trying not to cry. He still needed to read the letter. He took a deep breath and took it out of the envelope, unfolding it carefully and starting to read it.

"Poe, I don't understand why you're doing this to me. It isn't fair. We could have found a way, I would have found you, I could have saved you. But if this is what you feel like you need to do, for us, then I don't know what other choice I have but to accept it. I won't ever fall in love with anyone else Poe, you know that. Even implying it makes me want to find you even more. But if this is what you feel you need to do, for us, then I'll accept it. I signed the divorce papers. Maybe it will give you some consolation. I didn't want to, but it seems like no one's getting anything today. Well, Hux is. Trust me, Poe, one day, I'm going to kill him, and we'll be together again. Rey says I can't do that, but I'd do it for you, and you know it. As for Christina and Noah. They miss you already. I can tell, even though they can't speak in full sentences. They want their Dad back, Poe, this isn't fair to them. But if this is what you feel you need to do, for us, I'll find a way to tell them that their Dad is never coming home. I keep saying that whole if this is what you feel you need to do thing because you always know what to do. You know so much more about this horrible world than I ever will, you could lead me through my life and I would never feel lost again. I rely on you to know the next step in our life. I've felt so hopeless trying to find you. I get up to look for you and end up somewhere else. Somewhere meaningless, and wrong, and not where you are. I almost expected you to find your own way home, Poe, you're just so damn brilliant, you would find the way. So brilliant and perfect and forever mine. I put my wedding ring in the envelope with this letter. I have yours. I want you to have mine, so you have something real to help you remember me. Please don't really go, Poe. Please make this end as some horrible joke. I'm scared to live on without you… I love you too, Poe. I love you so much. And so do Christina and Noah. And they won't ever question who you are. I'll make sure they know that their Dad is the bravest, kindest man in the world, Poe Dameron.

Until we meet again someday. Ben."

Poe held onto the letter pushing against his chest. He wanted to memorize this letter. It was so raw, and unthought out, so jumpy and uncertain. It was so Ben. He wished he could say his name and his husband would just appear in front of him to save him from this fate he had made for himself. He was afraid for Ben. He was afraid that he might fall apart without him. He pictured Ben truly crumbling to pieces, just a pile of dust on the floor. And it would be all Poe's fault. He didn't try harder to get out of Hux's grasp, and save Ben from his fear of the world. Maybe this way Ben could learn on his own…

He heard the crinkle of paper in the envelope and it brought him back to reality. He pulled out the rest of the yellow envelope's contents and looked through them. He knew what the papers in the back were, and he couldn't bare to look at them. But he saw some blocky writing on a little piece of blue paper, and set down the other dreaded papers. It was a note, and he knew who it was from before he could even read it.

"Hey, buddy. It's Finn. I guess it's gonna be a while before I see you again. This sucks. But I know you'll fight your way out of it. You always do. Still, I'm really gonna miss my best friend being around. I'll make sure Chrissy and Noah are taken care of, and I'll keep an eye on Ben too. You can always count on me to hold down the fort for you until you come home. And hey, if that bastard Hux ever lays a hand on you, you call me. Call any of us, actually, and we'll be there in a heartbeat. You know that though. Also, I still have your jacket. But don't worry, I'll keep it safe for you. Love you, Poe, can't wait until we can see you again.

Fight on, brother."

Poe smiled lightly, pulling off a pink sticky note from the back of Finn's note. This one was the simplest letter of all, but it said all he needed to hear from her.

"We love you, Poe. Please stay safe. -Rey"  
\---

"You make sure he gets this," Ben told Phasma seriously, handing her the envelope. "Do you understand that?"

"Yessir," she nodded. She hesitated. "Not drugs, but call me if you ever need anything, alright?" Ben nodded tightly. Phasma glanced into the house, at Rey. "You too, if you ever want some fun." Rey rolled her eyes a little and Phasma smiled before leaving. Ben closed the door and went off into the house somewhere.

Rey watched him walk towards the bathroom, maybe? Then Ben stormed back into the living room and to the front door, putting on his shoes. Rey frowned and stood up. "Where are you going?" she asked gently. He stopped but didn't say anything. "Ben, are you safe-"

"Of course I'm fucking safe!" he snapped. She jumped a little. "I'm not going to fucking kill myself, you think I'm going to leave Christina and Noah as fucking orphans, I'm not that fucking selfish!"

Rey gulped and nodded. "I-I know, Ben, but you know I have to ask, just because," she reminded him. She saw him nod slowly. "So… where are you going…" He hesitated. "Please don't say out…"

"I'm going to my Dad's grave…" he mumbled. He could see the way Rey's face fell to a look of pity for him. He ignored it and quickly left, getting into his car and lighting a cigarette. He started driving and opened the window, throwing the cigarette out and closing it again.  
\---

Rey looked at Finn after Ben had left. "Honey, I know you're going to hate me for suggesting this, but I think maybe he should stay here for a while. And the kids," she told him. Finn sighed.

"I figured that was coming…" he said. "Honestly, I don't think that's a great idea."

Rey sighed. "Finn, I know you're still mad at him, but think about it, he's going to absolutely fall apart now-"

"Yes, and I don't want you to be responsible for that again," Finn pressed.

"Finn-"

"I know you care about him, and you want to help him, but honestly, I don't want him around Mikey, and I don't want him around you," he said seriously.

"Finn, I really think it would be smart if he were here," she tried.

"And I really think that's a stupid idea," he argued. She frowned and looked out the window. "Look, I really do get it-"

"Obviously, you really don't," she snapped, going to the door. "Come on, we have to go pick up our son."

Finn sighed and stood up, going to the door. "Please don't be mad at me…" he pleaded.

"He's your family now too, remember that," Rey told him seriously, grabbing her keys off of the hook and going out to the car. "I'm not going to let it go, I'm going to mention it to Leia when we get there."

"Really, Rey?" he scoffed, following her.

"Yes, Finn!" she said. "You're being too overbearing, you need to trust me." She got into the driver's seat. Finn took a deep breath, remembering the last time he hadn't trusted Rey. He got into the passenger seat and smiled.

"We'll figure it out," he told her.

Rey looked at him sadly. His smile fell. "I know you don't like him… but I know when he needs someone around. Right now is one of those times…" she told him seriously.

Finn smiled sadly. "We'll figure it out, Rey," he agreed.  
\---

"I don't really remember you that much," Ben mumbled, pulling at some of the grass in front of the grave's headstone. "I mean, like, I remember we kinda had similar noses… and that your hair was kinda really gray… and you still thought you were twenty years old but you were really almost fifty." Ben slipped Poe's ring on and off his pinky finger, the only finger small enough to fit it. "B-But I don't remember what color your eyes were… I don't remember what you smelled like or what your voice sounded like…. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember. Is that what's going to happen with Poe? I-Is that what happened to Mom…? After I took you away from her…? I'm Hux, to Mom, aren't I? I took away her love, and she never gets to…" He choked on his words and winced. "I had the fucking right of way, that's what Rey always says. She always says it's fucking lucky that we got out of it alright, and able to walk and everything… do you think she remembers it like I do…? Why do I remember that so vividly but everything else just goes away…?"

Ben started tracing the name on the stone with him thumb. "God, if I could just forget the way Rey was screaming. She broke her leg, you know? And I could hear her screaming about how bad it hurt. And by the time I could look at her, she had seen Mara. I wish I hadn't looked. I can still see you looking at me… I can still see Mara, with part of the fucking door stabbing through her side, I can still see you looking at me, Dad…. and Rey was screaming again but neither of you were moving, half of Mara's face was fucking gone, her whole fucking head was smashed in, I can still fucking see you looking at me, Dad, why'd you have to fucking look at me?!" Ben smacked the headstone, backing away from it and feeling tears fall down his face. "I-I couldn't move either, my leg were under the the dashboard, they were stuck there, I was stuck there, looking back at you, but you were dead dad, I fucking killed you!" He tried to breath. "I know my cars now, Dad… I know what was it was now that was half way through your neck… it was part of the other car's exhaust pipe, and to this day, I want to know how it got to the passenger side of my car." He shook his head. "No, I remember your eye color now. I wish I didn't. Your eyes were blue. Your eyes were this fucking blue hazel color and they were turning fucking grey, and I couldn't breath, and I couldn't move, and you were fucking dead and Mara was fucking dead and Rey wouldn't stop fucking screaming! You can't fucking hear me, Dad, I'm talking to a fucking rock! You're fucking dead!" He collapsed onto his side, sobbing heavily. "I-I want to forget all that death, and I want to remember Poe's face, his laugh… why can't I just…" He grabbed at the grass and shut his eyes, shaking.

"I-I'm so sorry Dad… I'm so sorry that I killed you…" he sobbed. "A-And then Mom had to be all alone… because I took off, because I'm selfish, and all those things you said about me were true. Because I couldn't face her knowing I was driving the fucking car… and now I get to feel what Mom felt…" He held onto Poe's ring. "This is my punishment for taking everything from Mom… I understand now. Mom felt it a thousand times worse, because I took off and she had no family left. I have Rey and Finn and Mom and Luke. None of them should help me…. I should just leave with Christina and Noah… I'm a Dad now too, you know. I have two kids. Well, they're Poe's but… but I'm not going to let Mom take care of me, I need to feel all alone, just like she did… you called me a spoiled brat once… a few times, and you were right, Rey told me so a few months ago. I'm everything you said I was, everything I fought you on… Poe's gone now, and I don't deserve to be happy. I'm not going to whine or complain, because this is what I deserve…" He kissed Poe's ring carefully. "Maybe Rey was right, maybe Poe will bring the good out of Hux… maybe they'll fall in love, and Poe can be happy… I gotta stop talking to myself, Dad, you have no idea how much I want a fucking drink right now, and you have no idea how much I would give for some fucking dope..." He bit his lip. "But then I'd be everything Poe hated… Jesus Christ, poor Mom… I can't believe how selfish I am, why the hell wasn't it me who died, not you…?"

"Ben?"

He opened his eyes and sat up a bit, seeing Leia standing on the path near him. He hesitated and wiped his eyes, sitting up. "D-Did you hear me talking?" he asked.

"Just a little," she admitted. He looked down and nodded. He heard her walking closer and glanced up her as she carefully knelt down next to him. "You're feeling like you want your drugs?" Ben nodded slowly. "How bad."

"My arm hurts. And I can taste it in my mouth…" he grumbled, biting his nail. "I'm trying to ignore but something tells me I'm going to pick up a drink instead… I've been doing it for months…"

"We can kick it, honey," she told him, sitting fully next to him and rubbing his back.

"You can't help me, Mom, you can't help me through this," he said, his voice wavering.

"Why not, Ben?" she asked sadly.

"Because I wasn't there to help you when he went away. I left. I need to feel that now, I need to know how it felt to be all alone when you needed me most," he said seriously.

"No, Ben, as your mother, I am not letting you do that." He didn't say anything, and Leia stared at him for a minute. "Where on Earth did you come from, Ben Solo?" she sighed, hugging him.

He leaned against her. "I-I'm sorry, Mom… I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted me to be…" he whimpered. "I'm sorry…"

"Well, I couldn't help that you came out a boy," she teased.

"What?" he said, looking up at her.

"I never told you I wanted a girl? Oh, me and Han were expecting a girl. We were going to name you Breha after my adopted Mom," she continued teasing him.

"And when I came out a boy, you couldn't even call me Anakin after your real Dad?" he scoffed. She knew he was kidding in his own way so she chuckled.

"Ben seemed to fit you better than an ex-Nazi. And besides, you looked like a Ben," she told him, kissing his head and feeling him lean against her more.

"So what you're saying is, I was a disappointment from birth?" he questioned.

Leia sighed. "No, what I'm saying is, I was expecting a little girl named Breha and what I got was a wonderful little troublemaker named Ben," she corrected him. "Who I wouldn't switch out for any other kid in the world, and wasn't going to name after my ex-Nazi father, and I'm not even sorry about that." He started sobbing again and fell limply against her. "Hey, there's about a sixty pound weight difference between us…" She moved back a little and he just ended up with his head in her arms.

"I want Poe…" he whimpered.

"Gosh, you really love him don't you…?" she sighed. He nodded and moved against her. "Gee, I remember when you were tiny enough to fit in my arms. Look at my grown man of a son. An entire foot and an inch taller than me..."

"I'm still sixteen in mentality. That's what Dr. Kanata said…" Leia looked down at him. Ben had always had a habit of not telling them important things. "She said some people get stuck in their trauma year and don't grow much out of it…"

"And you did that?" she asked. Ben nodded, looking up at her. "That's okay, sweetie, we can do some growing up together. I've been stuck as a nineteen year old since… well, when I found out an unborn baby can get addicted to drugs if the mother does them while pregnant… and then got told that my baby was going to be born addicted to cocaine and LSD… yeah that wasn't a proud moment..."

"Yeah…" he sighed. "It's okay…"

"It's really not, but thank you for acknowledging how bad I feel about that…" she sighed.

"It's not okay that I took off and left you alone after Dad died and started shooting up heroin…" he pointed out. "But you always forgive me for that."

Leia nodded and smiled a bit. "I guess" she sighed. "Well, you know what I always say…"

"That you always know everything?" he asked, a small mischievous smirk on his lips, just like her little boy used to have when he knew he was causing trouble.

"Well, yes, that too," she chuckled. "I was going to say shit happens." For the first time in a long time, she felt him and heard and saw him laugh. A genuine laugh too, not one of the chuckles she got every so often. She smiled a bit and ran her fingers through his hair gently.

There was a few moments where they didn't say anything, and the sun started falling behind the trees. Then Ben moved a little and looked at the gravestone in front of them. "You miss him…?" Leia asked. She felt Ben nod. "Yeah… me too…"

"He loved you, Mom…" she heard her son say. She felt tears in her eyes before she could will them away. "E-Even though you guys fought a lot and he left a lot, he loved you, Mom… A-And I love you too, Mom."

Leia smiled a bit and leaned down, kissing his temple. She sat back up and held her little adult child to her, loving this rare moment where they got to be mother and son again. "I know…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Poor everyone. I'll update soon! Comment what you think, I really love to hear your opinions (That's to my fanfiction .net audience! Ao3 readers, I love all your comments! Very encouraging!) Thank you!


	13. Possession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Here's chapter 13! Finally! Sorry it took so long! This chapter doesn't have a lot of dialogue, it goes into the character's thoughts, so I'm sorry if it seems to drag on! Not sure when I'll get the next chapter done, but I'll try to write it soon! Enjoy!

Hux didn't think Poe had noticed him yet. Or at least, he hadn't spoken up to acknowledge that he knew Hux was there. Either way, Hux was watching the way Poe stared at the ring, as if it had some kind of meaning. It didn't, of course, how could it? It was a hollow little circle of mixed metals that his now ex-husband had once worn around his large ring finger. He watched Poe try to put the ring onto each of his fingers, one at a time, over and over again, switching from finger to finger every time he found that one his own fingers weren't big enough. Of course they weren't big enough, the ring had been made for Ben, who was larger than Poe in every way. Yet, Hux continued to watch as Poe continued to play with the ring in vain.

Hux almost wished he could understand what Poe was feeling, why he felt so attached to a ring. He understood the symbolism, that Poe had had the ring made for Ben, that they had exchanged rings when they were wed. But Ben had given the ring back, they weren't married anymore. Did Poe still love Ben, even after their divorce? They had only gotten married so that Ben could get guardianship of Poe's kids anyway, he had doubted that there was any love there. They were both adults, for the most part, and they had gotten married for a legal, logical purpose, they weren't really in love. That was teenage stuff, lies highschoolers and college kids told each other as a nicer way of explaining a chemical reaction to another person, of telling their partner that they wanted to fuck, have children with them, and maintain a household and income with each other. It never followed through, not really. Those kids grew up, and someone cheated on the other, or they got too angry at one another to be near each other. Sometimes, they didn't get married at all. Sometimes, people just gave into their primal instincts and fucked the other person to make themselves feel better. Those people said I love you, sometimes. And sometimes a woman ended up with a child by accident, but the father was already married to a woman, and that child ended up being the only son, or child, that the man beared. An illegitimate, a bastard who would have to take the thrown in the end, what a disgrace, what a disappointment that I have to break generations of tradition because all I have is a bastard, his father had said-

Poe cared about that ring. That's all that mattered right now. He looked down at the dog tags around his neck, and reached behind him to unclip the chain they were hanging off of. He let the tags fall into his hand, and Poe looked up at him when he heard the noise. "Sorry to bother you," Hux sighed. "I thought I'd check on you…" He walked over and held the chain out to him. Poe frowned, confused. "For your ring."

"O-Oh, right," Poe nodded, sitting up on his bed and taking the chain gently. "Thank you…" Hux sat on the bed next to him and watched him thread the ring through the chain, then put it around his neck and clip it on. "I-It's a nice ring… I figured Ben would like the black…" His voice cracked and he stopped, touching it and closing his eyes.

"You still care about him?" Hux questioned. Poe opened his eyes and glared at him.

"What the hell kind of a question is that?" he snapped at him.

Hux raised an eyebrow. "A-An inquiry, if I'm not mistaken," he told him, shocked that Poe had snapped at him. "Perhaps query is the right term for it, it could be either of those." Poe stared at him for a minute, blinking. "T-That is what you were asking, right?"

"N-No…" Poe sighed, sitting back on the bed. "Of course I still care about Ben, he's- he was my husband. I love him…"

"But, not really," Hux said. Poe looked at him again. "I mean, he married you so that he could legally father your children."

Poe sat up again, slowly, still looking at Hux. "No. I really did love my husband," he told him, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Hux chuckled. "You think I'm kidding?"

"Of course," Hux smiled. "Love isn't real, it's just a word people use to express that they don't want to be alone anymore. Love is nothing but a concept, a weakness that leads to an unsuccessful life. That's one many things I was taught growing up."

Poe's expression softened and he moved closer to Hux. "That's a sad thing to be taught… You've never been in love before?" he asked gently.

"No, it isn't a feeling. It's a concept and a word," Hux pressed. Poe frowned a bit. "Maybe affection is the word you're looking for? Feeling fond of someone, liking them a lot. I've felt that towards certain people."

"N-No, love is the right word. Have you ever felt loved?" he asked.

"Needed? Like someone was fond of me?" Hux rephrased it. Poe thought then nodded. "No, I haven't. Why?"

"That's horrible…" Poe said. "W-What about your parents? They never told you they loved you?"

"Did yours?"

"Of course, they told me every day. Before bed," he told him with a frown. "And my mother told me just before she passed away. And my father still tells me whenever I call."

"Oh," Hux said.

"Yours didn't?" Poe breathed.

"No. I wasn't supposed to happen. I was the product of an affair between my father and a secretary. I never actually met my mother, in a way. Obviously she was around when I was born but that was about it. I saw her at her funeral. Saw my father too, for the first time. I was taken care of by servants," he explained. Poe looked so sad to hear that. "What?"

"When did your mother die?" he asked.

"Um, I was about five," he told him. "She was with my father in Saudi Arabia, she was shot because an enemy who thought she was my father's wife at the time-"

"You didn't meet your parents until you were five?!" Poe whispered. Hux chuckled.

"My mother was in a coffin, but I did meet my father, yes," he said. "He told me I was too small, and that he hoped I would grow soon. And then he left for another… well, around the time I got into high school, so about nine years?" He watched Poe's face again. "You're having the same reaction Rey did when I told her this."

"My God, Hux, I'm sorry…" he said gently.

Hux laughed. "She said sorry as well," he told him. "I didn't miss anything, I couldn't miss anything. You can't miss something that was never there…."

"You missed so much, you have no idea… I can't even imagine a world where my Mom and Dad weren't there…" he told him, putting a hand on his arm. Hux looked down at it. "So… no one's ever loved you before? Have you ever thought that… m-maybe, you keep taking people against their will because you want someone to need you and love you, and you don't think anyone will ever do that on their own?" Hux looked at him.

"I mean, logically, that's probably the psychological explanation to it, yes," he agreed, nodding slowly, looking at Poe's eyes. "But I'm not thinking that exact thought when I do it. I'm usually thinking about how many people I can trap in my web, and how I can use them."

Poe gulped. "H-Have you ever tried just… being yourself? Talking to someone and learning about them and trying to find out what you have in common?" he tried. Hux raised an eyebrow. "Y-You know, what kind of music you like, what kind of books you read, what kind of things attract you in a person? And deeper stuff too, like finding out how people's personalities work with your own, seeing what kind of person makes you the most comfortable?"

"Be myself…" Hux mumbled. Poe watched him. "Are you… giving me advice on how to fall in love?"

"Well, yeah, but you can make friends that way too," Poe pointed out.

"I don't need friends," Hux told him with a sigh. He stood up. "Your welcome for the chain for Ben's ring. I'll be heading to bed now, but you can always knock if you need me." He went to the door. "Light off?"

"S-Sure," Poe agreed, laying on his bed as Hux shut off the light."Goodnight."

"Goodnight Poe," Hux said, shutting the door behind him.

Poe stared at the ceiling for a while, although it was just black. He was touching Ben's ring carefully, thinking about the discussion that he had just had with his- for all intents and purposes -captor. Hux had told Rey about his family, sure, but Poe could tell that no one had ever heard about Hux's desire to just be loved and needed. He and Rey had both figured out pretty easily that that was his bottom line goal in trying to make people rely on him, but Poe had heard in the hesitant yet sure way Hux had explained it that he had never told another human that no one had ever loved him. It hurt Poe's heart, in the wierdest way, to think that, and hear that. No one deserved to live without love…

It made Poe want to get up and go hug the man who had turned his life upside down. That in itself made Poe want to stay right where he was. Hux didn't deserve any sympathy, he didn't deserve pity after everything he had done to hurt Poe and his family. He was a psychopath by definition, a monster by choice, he knew what he was doing. But it was like he couldn't stop himself, like it passed the time for him. He was so much like Ben that it scared Poe… but if he was so much like Ben, maybe he could change him and teach him to be good and happy. Just like he had with Ben

"It'll always be you Ben…" he whispered to the ring. "Please save me… please take me away, I shouldn't be here… I-I shouldn't care what Colin-" He started crying lightly. "What's happening to me, Ben… please, I'm scared… I love you so much." He kissed Ben's ring and closed his eyes, hoping he could force himself to sleep.  
\---

Six months. Six months with one man.

Poe saw the servants, he knew they were there, but he never talked to them really. He and Hux had had so many conversations at this point, just the two of them, because that's all he had, was just Hux. The last month in particular had been different, the topics had been light, they both laughed a bit and Ben's ring sometimes slipped under his shirt collar when the topic got more personal. Those conversations were the scariest.

Poe felt so comfortable here, like he could be close to him, and look at him and forget the pain. He would subtly slip the ring inside his shirt, keeping it out of the way, and would laugh happily with this man, getting close enough to him so that their shoulders touched and Poe could smell his aftershave and cologne, and Poe had grown to love those scents, they made him feel warm, and comfortable and safe…

Maybe Ben and Rey and Finn hadn't given him enough of a chance… Rey said she knew him, but Hux told him stories about his childhood that he admitted no one had ever heard. And Poe told him he liked listening, and he did. He loved listening to Colin open up about himself, loved learning about this vulnerable human, who was no different from any other man, except that he was so afraid of losing the people around him. Poe thought that he and Ben could have really gotten along if they had done it right. They could all be friends, Colin could know his kids. Poe would have liked that, he would have wanted it.

But it was just the two of them.

Poe couldn't forget what Hux had done to him before, though. He still had scars on his back, and in his mind. Colin had begged for his forgiveness, had told him that he didn't know how to handle people back then, that he would make sure he was safe and happy from now on. And Poe had given him that forgiveness so willingly, that it had scared Hux. He had made him say it again, just so he could know it was real, and Poe told him he knew he was a changed man, a kind and better man, and had kissed his cheek to tell him how serious he was, before walking away to go… Hux hadn't even heard him say where he was going, he was just so scared.

"This is ridiculous, he can't really forgive you," he mumbled to himself once he was in the privacy of his own room. He touched his cheek, still feeling the tingling from where Poe's lips had touched it. Poe's lips were a work of art, plump and pink and soft, and they were exquisite when they parted and curled into that one of a kind smile, that smile that could brighten a person's whole day in an instant. Hux admitted that it had brightened his day a few times. He had woken up more than once thinking about that smile, about how the corners of Poe's eyes crinkled and how he looked young and happy. He'd fallen asleep thinking about that soft tanned skin and that beautiful curly brown hair, those loving chocolate eyes looking at him… the nights where he thought of that lead to the mornings where he woke up feeling like he had slept the best he had ever slept in his life.

"I'm just saying, I found it in your movie library," Poe told him with a chuckle. Hux raised an eyebrow and smiled lightly, leaning his head against the railing of the stairs as Poe talked. "If you haven't watched it, then we're going to have to, tonight."

"We have to?" Hux teased.

"Yes! Man, it's a classic!" Poe insisted. "Well, it isn't, but it's my favorite and you would love it!"

"If you insist-"

"And you're going to watch it with me?" Poe pressed, smiling hopefully and holding the movie to his chest.

Hux sighed. "I suppose, if you really want me to," he agreed, still smiling.

"Sweet! Movie night, man, it's gonna be great!" he laughed. He hesitated. "You're blushing, lover-boy."

"Am I?" Hux stood up straight and touched his cheeks. They were a little warm. "O-Oh I am…"

Poe chuckled. "Don't let me catch you blushing at me again," he teased. He winked at him and turned to walk off.

Hux was bright red now, he could tell. Poe had just been acting so cute, and- and now he got to watch him walk away, he got to look at that cute little bubble butt, and jesus, Poe was such a tease. He hurried upstairs to his room. "This is ridiculous. This is so stupid," he growled. He ran a hand through his hair. Why did he care so much about how Poe reacts to a movie, it wasn't cute, he was just happy! Why had he blushed about him, what was going on?!

He sat down at his computer and went onto WebMD. That was stupid too, it was rarely accurate. Although it had been helpful in distinguishing a cold and a flu once, and that had helped him then, maybe it could help him now? But none of his symptoms were checkable. He went back to the browser search and started typing in his symptoms. The first few articles were titled weird things like How you Know You're in Love or Signs That They're the One. "Oh, this is ludicrous, I am not in love with Poe Dameron, he's not 'the one', this is just…." Despite his instincts, he clicked on one of the articles. All the symptoms he had were there… the signs all pointed to one thing: he was head over heels.

"Fuck this, the internet is useless!" he snapped. He closed the browser and covered his face for a moment. He needed to calm down, and take a few steps back. Maybe he needed to distance himself from Dameron, try to make it clear that they weren't friends. Being friends wouldn't get Hux any closer to… whatever his goal was… he didn't even know anymore, he couldn't even remember the point to this plan! He had gone too far in the wrong direction, even though he had no idea what the right direction was or how all these feelings affected the ending outcome!

Poe hadn't been flirting with him, earlier, he was sure of that. He didn't need WebMD to pick out the signs of Stockholm Syndrome. And he probably had Lima Syndrome. That had to be it. He should focus on work, not on Poe, that was how he could cure himself of this. He sat down at his computer and started working. He paid bills, he set up meetings and appointments, he finalized a few sales…

Then he nearly jumped out of his chair when he felt someone snake their arms over his shoulders and run their hands down his chest. He turned and stood up. Poe chuckled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he told him.

"Y-Yeah, that's fine," Hux said, rubbing the back of his neck, where he had felt Poe's breath just seconds ago. "It's fine, excuse me, I'm working." He gently led Poe out the door and closed it, covering his mouth. What the hell was that?! He heard Poe sigh and walk away, going downstairs. He opened the door slightly and peeked his head out, then snuck out into the hallway and downstairs, towards his library. He took a deep breath and quietly picked up the book he was currently reading, sitting down in his chair and starting to read.

He was easily engulfed into the story, quickly relaxing and curling up in the chair to read. He had been half way done when he started this afternoon, and now he could say he was about three quarters finished with the large book. He glanced up and sighed when he saw Poe in the doorway. "Yes, Poe?" he asked.

"Your house is too damn big, I've been trying to find you for three hours," he laughed. "You're done working, I see…" When Hux didn't respond he rolled his eyes. "What're you reading?"

"A book," Hux told him, hoping Poe would get the idea that he wanted to be left alone.

"I know that, smartass," Poe sighed. "What's it-?"

"Excuse me," Hux said, closing the book and standing up, walking to the door and moving passed Poe and down the hall. He managed to get to the living room, sitting down and opening his book again.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He looked up at Poe and felt an ache in his chest. Poe looked so frightened. Frightened… of him? "E-Excuse me?" he asked.

"Y-You've been blowing me off all afternoon, you seem pissed at me, I-I just wanted to know what I did…" Poe explained sadly, walking into the living room and sitting next to Hux on the couch.

Hux gulped and stared at him for a minute. Poe wasn't afraid of him, he was afraid of losing the only person he had. "I'm sorry. You didn't do anything, Poe. I've just had some… feelings that I haven't known how to deal with," he admitted. "I'm not sure what the correct way to deal with these feelings is."

Poe smiled lightly. "Me too," he told him. Hux nodded slowly and closed his book, looking forward. Poe waited for him to say something, but the silence dragged on… for too long. "H-Hey, how about we put in that movie?"

"Sure, that sounds good," Hux agreed quickly. Poe got up and grabbed the DVD off the TV stand, putting it in and going to sit back down next the Hux.

The movie and started playing for a while before Poe glanced over at Hux. Hux had his eyes on the screen, but he looked tense, like he knew Poe was watching him. Poe took a deep breath and looked back at the screen, moving his hand until it was resting on the other man's upper thigh. He felt Hux tense up again, then relax.

Hux glanced down at Poe, but Poe was watching the movie. He felt the other man's hand start rubbing his thigh and he glanced down, then sat back. He wasn't sure how to handle this situation. He didn't want to stop him, even though he did, and he didn't want to have a conversation, even though they needed to have one. He could hear Poe moving closer to him, felt him lean against him and his lips start brushing against his neck, his hand dipping farther down to his inner thigh.

"P-Poe, what are you doing?" he asked quietly, turning his head slightly.

"I'm figuring out the right way to deal with these feelings," he breathed, leaning up and kissing him gently.

Hux's eyes widened and he moved back. "Poe, what are you doing?" he repeated, more seriously.

Poe raised an eyebrow. "You, hopefully, if you'll let me," he told him. A smartass remark, but nonetheless arousing. Hux shook his head and leaned forward, kissing Poe again. Poe smirked around the kiss and Hux moved them so that they were laying on the couch, Hux over him.

Poe was kissing him back… like, really kissing him. It wasn't forced, it wasn't out of pity. The slightly younger man had his fingers running through Hux's hair and soft moans were escaping his throat. Hux felt like he didn't know what he was doing, not only because of overall inexperience, but he felt like he had no control over letting Poe do this to him. It was like Poe was trying to put him into some elaborate trap, trying to make him fall in love with him, and weaken him.

Hux grabbed Poe's hands as they started fiddling with his belt buckle. He pulled away, eyes still closed. Poe wasn't moving, didn't speak or try to touch him. "This isn't…" he started, opening his eyes. Poe was smiling lightly at him. He frowned, standing and fixing his shirt. "You don't love me, Poe! And I don't love you! This isn't like that!"

Poe stared at him and sat up. "Okay. It doesn't have to be that," he agreed quietly.

"No, you don't get to play with me, I'm messing with you!" Hux continued. Poe stood up and started walking towards him. Hux backed up. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight." He turned quickly and stormed upstairs.

Poe sighed and knelt down to take the movie out of the DVD player. He put it in the box and set it on the TV stand, going upstairs to his bedroom.

He was so lonely…

Poe felt like a slut, like a whore, like everything anyone had ever called him. He missed Ben dearly, but he wanted someone to hold him, and to be with. He didn't want it to be Hux, he would give anything to have anyone other than Hux, but over the last six months, it was like he had been conditioned to see him, and think of safety, happiness, and comfort. He couldn't even help himself.

He pulled at Ben's ring carefully, feeling the chain around his neck rubbing his skin, while he debated his options. He could go to sleep, right now, and forget this. Or he could go to Hux's room and give him the night of his life, like his body was urging him to.

Or, Poe thought, he could wait until later, and sneak to his room and kill him. He could end this tonight, he could call Ben and go home.

But then what? He'd spend the rest of his life in prison. Locked away again.

"Fuck, Ben, I am so sorry…" he breathed, unclipping the chain from his neck and setting it on his desk. "I don't wanna do this, baby, I don't know what else to do… I'm scared to be alone… fuck, I'm never going to see you again…" He started sobbing, sitting on the floor and covering his mouth. He couldn't do this. Hux had beaten him and raped him for months, just because he could. And Poe forgave him? The scary thing was that he actually did forgive him. And now, he was going to go in that room, with that monster and give himself to him, willingly. Just because he wanted to feel someone next to him, because he couldn't stand to think that he would have to lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because no one was there to keep him warm and safe. Because he was so fucking afraid to be lonely.

Ben deserved better than this weak, pathetic slut that he had become… Ben needed someone who could stand up for himself and protect himself. Someone who had hope. Poe had been like that once… now he was a slave to a man to whom he owed nothing. Poe could remember a time in his life when he had been confident in himself and in the kind of person he was, he used to be hopeful about his future… he used to dream that he would have a good life. And he had, for a while, he had been so happy, with Ben, with Christina, with Noah. But it wasn't meant to be. He had no one, not even his friends, not even his parents.

He remembered when he was a very small child back in Guatemala, no more than two or three years old, he and his brothers had talked to a beggar who lived on the corner of their road. Even though his family wasn't that well off themselves, they had always been kind to the man and shared their food with him. He had never told them his name, but would always say that one day he was going to make enough money to get himself to America. He had told Poe all the wonderful opportunities that America had, how anyone could make a life there. Then one day, the man wasn't at that corner anymore. Poe had questioned his mother, wanting to know if the man's dream had come true, if he had a life in America. But his mother had told him that the man had passed away that morning. She told him that some people just don't have the universe on their side, and just weren't meant to be anything. He never had figured out what that meant...

The man had given the little money he had to Poe's family, to help them make it to America themselves. Poe's mother died before they got the chance. But his father had sent him and his two brothers to California, because he knew Shara would have wanted it. His father was still in Guatemala, he'd never saved enough money to be with his sons. He had been too busy sending them all to college. And Poe had wasted that money, all that effort. He could have let his father have a better life, but he had wasted that money when he had had to drop out, because he had been careless. And now, he didn't even get to raise the children that had made him drop out. He didn't get to be with the man he loved…

He understood what his mother meant, now. He was one of those people who didn't have the universe on their side.

He wasn't meant to be anything.

Poe stood up slowly and went into his bathroom. He started the shower and stepped in. He just tried to think of the steps. Wash his hair, wash his face, wash his body. Try to make himself look good, try to be pleasing to the eye… to his eye…

Rub on some body oil and grab his bathrobe. He wanted this to be scandalous, it has to be or this wouldn't work. Hux would love this, if Poe threw himself at him. He tied the robe carefully around his waist, keeping it loose, then walked down the hall to Hux's door, I knocking.

"Yes, come in," he heard him call. He took a deep breath and opened the door. "Poe…."

"Don't deny that you want me…" Poe cut him off. He went in and shut the door behind him. Then he walked over to the edge of the bed and climbed onto it, watching the man put his book down.

"You have no idea how inappropriate it would be for me to do this with you…." Hux sighed, crossing his arms.

"No. I do," he argued. He crawled up the bed and over Hux's lap.

"I could lose my right to own the company, if my father found out that I was in a relationship that couldn't produce children…." he breathed as Poe pressed his lips to his. He brought his hand up to cup his jaw gently.

"I'll be like a side chick, baby, he doesn't have to know…." Poe pointed out, pulling the tie to his robe undone. Hux gulped.

"Why are you doing this, it makes you so unhappy? I'm not making you do this-" Hux tried.

"No, you aren't. I want this. So shut up and put your dick in my ass," Poe said calmly, pushing his robe off and throwing it aside. Hux's face turned red and Poe kissed him deeply. "Please…?"

Hux stared at him. This was what he had wanted, wasn't it? To break Poe until he begged? To force him to be dependant on him? So why was Hux just sitting here like an idiot? He grabbed Poe's hair and kissed him back, starting to pull off his own clothes. His hands ran along Poe's throat and he pulled away slowly. Poe wasn't wearing Ben's ring.

So he really had given up hope.

This was perfect. This was everything here had hoped for. Now Poe was his. Now Poe belonged to him. Not stupid fucked up Ben, no, Poe was smart enough to know that Ben would never really come looking for him. Ben was useless, he was pathetic and selfish, and Poe could see that now. He must, even if he didn't admit it to himself. Poe longed for stability and comfort. And Hux had proven that he could provide that to him.

"You gonna do something? Or were you planning on just sitting there?" Poe spoke up, stretching. Hux sat up and pushed him onto his back, kissing at his neck.

"Of course I'm going to do something," he mumbled. He flipped him over so that he was on his stomach, and grabbed his hair again. "I'm going to make you mine…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Conflicted Poe is sad... anyway, I'll try to get Chapter 14 out asap! Thanks for reading, don't forget to comment your thoughts and opinions!


	14. Expectancy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey guys, here's Chapter 14! I'm going to be pretty busy over the next two weeks, then I start college, so I'm sorry if updates are slow from here on. But anyway, enjoy this chapter! There's some gross medical stuff, not too bad but just to warn you guys.

Finn dropped one of Ben's boxes on the bed that was made up for him, and Ben dropped the last one next to it. "Alright, so here's the deal," Finn said, crossing his arms. Ben glanced at him, sitting on the corner of the bed, and coughing a bit. "First off, This is only temporary, so you're gonna have to be looking for a more permanent place to live. Second, make sure you father your own kids. Don't make Rey do everything for you, you're in charge of feeding them and all that. Obviously, we'll help out if you're out or something, but even that's gotta have a limit, please don't leave us to deal with your responsibilities unless you're going out to look for jobs or-"

"I can't get a job, actually, I'm technically on disability 'cause I can't 'control myself around people'…" Ben spoke up.

Finn glared at him. "Shame," he mumbled. Ben raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. "You're going to have to control yourself around my family, got it? Or you can't stay here."

"You really hate me, don't you?" Ben chuckled.

"Third thing to remember, don't you dare smoke in my house. Not cigarettes, not weed, nothing," Finn continued. "Get at least fifty feet away from the house outside if you really have to."

"I can't even count to fifty, bud, but I'll do my best," Ben chuckled.

"Do you understand those rules?" Finn asked.

"Sure."

"You gonna follow them?"

"I'll try," Ben teased. Finn glared at him, and he laughed a bit, then coughed. Finn just kept glaring so he pouted and glared right back. "You're not any fun at all, you know that, Finn?"

"You're a child. And a bratty one at that," Finn shot back, going to the door. "Oh, and you'll be doing chores while you're here. I work during the day, and Rey stays home with Mikey. We share the house work, but there's still plenty for you to do, so don't think you're just going to be sitting up here on your ass all day."

"At least I don't act like I have a stick up my ass all the time," Ben mumbled, loud enough for Finn to hear him.

"At least I'm not a pain in the ass like you," he retorted.

"You gotta nice ass…" Ben told him. Finn opened his mouth, turning red and closing it, frowning. "Just sayin'!" He started coughing again.

"Cover your mouth, there are three kids in the house, we don't need them getting sick," Finn scolded him.

"Relax, it's probably just a cold, I used to get em all the time," he wheezed, coughing again.

"Cover your mouth," Finn said again sternly.

"Uh oh, is Benny sick?" Rey questioned, walking over to the room, holding Christina and Noah.

"I'm good," Ben sighed. Rey went in and handed Noah and Christina to him.

"Alright, well, I just put Mikey down for a nap, so if you want, I can set up the pack and play in here for them," she told him, walking back towards the door.

"I have one, I'll get it out, no worries," he said. "Thanks for letting me stay with you guys, I really appreciate it." She smiled and nodded. She took Finn's hand and brought him downstairs.

"Thank you, Finn, for doing this. I know it makes you uncomfortable to have him here…" Rey said quietly.

Finn sighed. "I know how much you care about him, I wouldn't want you to be worried," he pointed out kissing her head. They walked to the kitchen and Rey started looking through the cupboards to see what she could make for dinner. "Hun, I can get dinner ready tonight, if you want, it's my turn."

"No, you helped Ben move in, I'll cook," she said. She looked in the cupboards again, then the refrigerator. "Um, we can have pizza, or I could make macaroni and cheese… I have to go to the store tomorrow, I ran out of healthy options this morning."

Finn chuckled. "Anything sounds good, honestly, I haven't eaten since breakfast," he said.

She turned and looked at him. "Why didn't you eat lunch?" she asked worriedly, walking over and hugging him.

"Had to work through lunch, some guy came in with a bullet wound to the chest and we had to revive him," Finn explained.

"Oh, baby, that's scary," Rey said. "Are you okay?"

Finn smiled a bit and kissed her. "Yeah. We had to do emergency surgery but we got him stable and he'll be okay," he explained. '"I was one of the only EMTs available, my boss said if I hadn't been there, we could have lost the patient."

"You're a hero, Finn," she told him with a slight smile. He blushed a little.

"I-I guess…" he mumbled.

"You are. So I'll make whatever my hero would like for dinner," she chuckled. "And I'll make dessert too, because you're such a good husband and daddy." He laughed a bit and kissed her again. "And besides, it's Valentine's Day~"

Finn's face paled. "O-Oh my god, Rey, I forgot," he breathed.

She just laughed. "So did I, sweetie, it's alright. As long as we're here together, that's all I need," she told him. He sighed a bit and kissed her. "Now what am I making for dinner, baby, I should start making it now."

"How about both pizza, and mac & cheese?" he suggested. Rey chuckled and hugged him.

"Sure thing," she told him. When she didn't let go, he smiled warmly, walking backwards and sitting down in one of the kitchen chairs, pulling her down with him. She giggled and kissed him, holding herself on the back of the chair. "I love you…"

"I love you too," he breathed against her lips. "I'm the luckiest man on Earth."

"Yeah? Why's that?" she questioned, climbing to sit in the chair with him, cuddling up in his lap and wrapping her arms around him.

He held onto her and kissed her jawline gently. "Because I'm married to the most beautiful, sexy woman in the whole universe. And we have an incredible little son together, and our family is just perfect, and I'm happy," he explained. Rey kissed him deeply. He hummed and kissed her back. They both turned their heads as they heard the sound of little footsteps on the tiled kitchen floor. "Holy shit-" Rey elbowed him gently and laughed. Mikey grabbed at his Dad's legs and climbed onto his lap with his Mom.

"Mikey, you're supposed to be taking a nap," she gasped. "Did you climb out of your crib?"

"Did he climb down the stairs?" Finn questioned worriedly. She shrugged and bit her lip. "Guess we're gonna need a baby gate…"

"Mama!" the baby cooed. Rey moved him up so that he was completely on her lap, not wanting him to fall off the chair.

"Yes, baby, Mama," she said happily. She had been nervous, and very ashamed of herself when she had heard Christina talking for the first time. The slightly older girl could speak very well for her age, and although he was quiet, Noah could speak almost as well as her. Ben had also shown her that they could speak basic Spanish as well, when he had pointed to Leia and Christina had called her abuela without any hesitation. The anxiety must have shown clearly on her face, because Luke had leaned over to her and whispered "he'll get there."

Mikey hadn't spoken a word until around this month, when he was a year and a half. He hadn't walked until three months ago, either, and she hadn't thought anything of the delays until she had seen his cousins exceed. Still, Mama seemed to be the only word he could manage. "Can you say Daddy?" Finn tried, looking at him. Mikey watched his lips while he said it again.

"D-Dada…" Mikey tried.

"Yeah, that's really close, buddy!" Finn grinned, rubbing at his son's coarse black hair.

"Dada!" Mikey repeated, squealing a bit with excitement.

Rey looked overjoyed, her eyes watering, and Finn kissed her cheek. "See, it's just taking a little longer, but he's getting the hang of it, sweetheart," he whispered to her. She sniffed, and wiped her eyes. She looked towards the door as Ben came down the stairs coughing, pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket. "You're going outside with those, right?"

Ben hesitated in the kitchen door way. He pulled out one of the cigarettes and put it between his lips. "No, bud, I came downstairs to smoke 'em right in front of you, just like you wanted. That was the rule, right?" he taunted.

"Don't even take them out in the house," Finn said seriously. Ben was about to retort when he started coughing again, quickly turning away from them.

Rey frowned and stood up, carefully placing Mikey on Finn's lap. "Honey, you're sure you're feeling alright?" she asked nervously, putting the front of her wrist on Ben's forehead. He pushed her hand away. She sighed. "Ben, you know it's the cigarettes-"

"Yeah, sure, Rey," he agreed. "I'm working on it."

"Are you?" she sighed. She put her wrist back on his forehead. "Ben, you feel warm, you should go lay down and rest…"

"I'm good, Rey, seriously, been smoking since I was fourteen, I'm-"

"Ben, you have to stop!" she gasped. "That's ten years you've been putting that crap in your lungs!"

"How many packs a day are you smoking?" Finn spoke up.

"At most one… sometimes two…" Ben told him, backing away towards the door. He was feeling ganged up on. Rey glanced at Finn, wanting him to stop.

"So about thirty pack-years… that's an estimate seven years off your life already, and I mean scientifically, I can't see you living past 70, realistically 65, so, you good with dying at 63 or sooner, man?" Finn asked.

"Finn!" Rey gasped.

"Dude, why don't you shut the fuck up?!" Ben snapped at him. Mikey hid quickly against Finn's chest, scared of the yelling.

"And what about your kids? You're fine with taking years off of their lives too?" Finn continued.

"Seriously, dude, you ever been hooked on anything?" Ben hissed at him.

"Didn't even have a drink until last year sometime," Finn answered.

Ben growled. "Well aren't you just a fucking angel. Even your wife's smoked a blunt or two in her life, and while she was pregnant no less. What's her life expectancy, huh, what about your fucking fucked up kid?!" he yelled at him. Mikey started crying, and Ben looked down at him, seeing him look right back at him. Ben backed away towards the door again, feeling like he was going to cry.

"Ben just go outside…" Rey told him quietly. He looked at her, then at Finn.

"I know you don't want me here, Finn. I know you hate me," Ben scoffed. "You want me to leave so you can live to your full life expectancy with your perfect wife and your kid, and your life will be perfect and you'll have a good-paying job and you'll have friends and you'll get grandkids that you'll get to know. I'll get out of your hair soon enough, I promise, I'll get some low-income house with my disability money that's barely big enough for my ex-husbands poor fucking kids, and I won't be able to get them into college, and they'll think I don't care enough for them, and they'll leave as soon as they get a chance, if I don't get them taken by the state first, and then I'll die alone at the premature age of fucking 50, all alone! Don't worry about me, man, I won't bug you for too long!"

"I'm not worried, trust me," Finn said calmly. Ben growled, then coughed violently and hurried out the door. Finn looked at Rey, who looked shocked and sad. "Maybe he'll stop now-"

"Why would you say all that to him...?" she breathed. She looked out the window, seeing Ben standing a ways away from the house, staring down at the ground. She couldn't tell whether or not he was smoking. Finn sighed. "He's not going to live here forever, could you at least try to be civil?!"

"How is this on me? Ben can take care of himself, barely, but he shouldn't have those kids, and he should know it. You said you were going to stop treating him like a baby, don't you think he should know the truth?" Finn questioned.

Rey looked down and shook her head. She looked back at Finn. "He already knows the truth, Finn…" she sighed. "Everything he said to you, about losing the kids and dying alone? That's what he thinks is going to happen to him."

"It probably is what will happen, Rey," he pointed out, bouncing Mikey on his lap as the baby kept crying. Rey took the baby from him and started rocking him gently.

"Finn, he's sick…" she tried. "I don't know how to get you to understand that. He's never been quite right, and it's all I can do to make him feel at least a little normal. And to add to all the mental illness that he was born with, he's been a drug addict for almost half of his life, he just can't comprehend that some things will have long term consequences. He can't even help it, you need to cut him a little slack."

"I have cut him so much slack!" Finn hissed, standing up and going over to her as she started taking things out of the refrigerator and pantry. "He punched you in the face, he nearly broke your nose, and I didn't say a word to him about it! He's yelled at you countless times, and he's made you feel like shit, and it wasn't and isn't fair to you, and I didn't stand up for you once, and it made me feel like a shitty boyfriend, and a shitty fiance, and now I feel like a shitty husband because he's still doing it and I'm not doing anything about it!"

Rey burst into tears. "Finn, I know how to take care of myself, I know how to handle him!" she snapped.

"I'm supposed to take care of you, and Mikey, and he's in the way!" Finn yelled back.

"Stop yelling, you're upsetting the baby, and you're upsetting me!" she sobbed. Finn backed up. He waited for her to calm down a bit. "F-Finn he wouldn't ever hurt me on purpose, he doesn't know how it makes me feel when he yells at me, and that's fine, he just needs to let it out. And trust me, he would never ever lay a hand on Mikey. Did you see how bad he felt when he saw that he scared him?"

"But he did scare him, he didn't even care that I was holding a baby," he pointed out. "He would have hit me if Mikey hadn't started freaking out."

"Finn, he's sick, he's sick…" she sobbed. "Why can't you just understand that…?"

"Because if he's really that sick, he should be in a hospital, not around my wife and kid," Finn said. Rey shook her head and turned back to making food. Finn sighed and reached towards what she was doing. "Let me do it, Rey-"

"No! I said I would make you dinner, just go upstairs!" she snapped at him, glaring at him. "You worked all day, you're tired, just go rest upstairs and cool off." Finn looked sad, but nodded and went towards the stairs, pausing and looking towards the door. "Please, Finn just leave him alone, he's sick, trying to talk to him isn't-"

"If he didn't understand you the first time, he's not going to get it," Ben spoke up from near the front door. Rey turned her head, not seeing him. She gulped.

"H-How long have you been hiding?" she asked weakly. He came around the corner.

"Since around the time you said I was sick. The first time," he mumbled, walking over towards her and pulling his cigarette packs out of his pockets. She stared at him, confused. He glanced over his shoulder, at Finn, and threw the packs in the trash can next to Rey. He looked back at Rey, seeing how sad she looked. "Don't look at me like that… you aren't sorry. You should have said outright that it hurt you when I get mad. I shouldn't be staying here."

"Ben, no, I invited you-"

"I'm tearing your marriage apart already and scaring your kid and it's been, like, an hour. I'll be out in no more than two months. It takes a month for the disability office to approve housing for me. But in the meantime, I'll stay away from you guys," he told her and Finn, going back to the hall and passed Finn, hurrying up the stairs.

Finn looked at Rey. "I'm sorry-"

"You should go upstairs and rest," she said quietly, not looking at him. Finn frowned and nodded, going upstairs slowly.  
\---

Rey closed the door to Mikey's room silently and crept to her and Finn's bedroom. She closed that door quietly too, figuring Finn must be asleep at this point. He hadn't come down for dinner, but she hadn't even called him down. She hadn't even made it. She just couldn't. He had tried to apologize and she had just shut him down like a bitch. She snuck over to her side of the dresser. She turned slightly when the lamp on the nightstand turned on.

"So you can see…" Finn mumbled. She looked at his form under the blankets, not facing her, and she quickly walked over to the bed, falling next to him and hugging him, starting to cry again.

"I-I'm sorry, Finn…" she whimpered. He turned quickly, holding her close. "I was so mean to you-"

"No you weren't, Rey, I overdid it. I went too far…" he admitted. "I'm sorry…"

"I love you, Finn, please don't be mad at me…" she sobbed.

"I'm not even a little bit mad at you, Rey," he said seriously. "I love you to death, baby, with all my heart." She sniffed and let him hold her.

They could both hear Ben coughing from down the hall. "Do you wanna go check on him?" he asked gently.

"I-I'm sorry I care so much," she whispered.

"No, Rey, if you think you should check on him, you should," he told her seriously. She looked up at him nervously. "Really. Rey, I know-"

There was a loud noise from out in the hall and they both sat up. "What was that?" she gasped. She could hear Ben coughing violently so she quickly got out of bed. She hurried to the door and out into the hallway and to Ben's room. The door was wide open, and he wasn't in there. Christina was climbing out of her crib and ran to Rey, crying.

"Daddy sick," she whimpered. Rey saw the light in the hall bathroom on and the door partially ajar.

"Chris, you and Noah, go see Uncle Finn, alright?" she said quickly, seeing Noah jump out of the crib as well. "Ok, sweetie, right over there." Christina grabbed her brother's hand and ran to Finn and Rey's room. Finn quickly brought them in and looked worriedly towards the bathroom door, where Ben was still coughing. Rey got up quickly and ran to the bathroom, knocking. "Ben? Ben, are you alright?" She opened the door and saw him leaning over the sink, and she could see from his reflection in the mirror that his face was translucently pale, and all around his eyes was red and tears were running down his face, and blood down his chin. Her mouth fell open and she hurried over to him, trying to hold him up. She saw the the sink was running but was splattered with blood and black mucus. She grabbed a rag from the shelf near the shower and handed it to him. "Cough into this, sweetie, come on, we're going to go to the hospital…" She started leading him to the stairs, having to almost completely support his weight. She touched his forehead, finding it burning hot and covered in sweat. "Shit… Finn!"

Finn hurried out the door. "What's going on?" he asked.

"I-I dunn wanna go to the hospital…" Ben slurred, blood dripping from his chin and onto the floor. Finn quickly took his weight off of Rey and helped him down the stairs.

"Rey, he's super dehydrated, and his fever's burning him up," Finn told her. "You should stay here with the kids, I'll take him."

"No, Finn, I-"

"Rey, I owe this to you, please," he said. Rey looked scared. He kissed her gently. "I'll call you as soon as I get him there, alright?" She nodded hesitantly, and hurried back upstairs as Christina tried to get downstairs.

Finn got Ben into the front seat of his car and buckled him up quickly. He got into the driver's seat and started quickly towards the hospital.  
\---

Finn grabbed his phone out of his pocket quickly and looked around the waiting room apologetically, hurrying outside. He hit the accept call button and held it to his ear. "Hi, honey…" he sighed.

"Hi, Finn, what's happening, is he alright?" Rey asked frantically.

"Well, he's in a room right now, he's hooked up to a breathing machine, but they said he's in serious condition. It's not critical, his vital signs are stable and they can fix it, but he's really sick. They can't tell me anything specific until Leia gets here," he explained.

"You're a nurse at the hospital, you can't just get special clearance to ask?" she tried.

"Patient confidentiality…" he sighed. He looked up as Leia hurried through the hospital doors and over to the front desk. "Hey, Leia's here, let me call you right back, alright?"

"Okay, Finn, please don't be long, Christina can't sleep because she's so scared…" she whispered.

"I'll be as quick as I can. I love you," he said. He hung up and hurried over to the front desk. "Hey, Ms. Leia?"

The woman turned around and her expression softened. "Finn," she breathed, hugging him tightly. He blushed and hugged back. "W-Where's my baby? Is he going to make it?"

"Yes, yes he's going to be alright, they say he's very sick, but his vitals are stable at the moment," he told her. She took a deep breath and took her ID card back from the woman at the front desk with a slight thank you. Finn lead her upstairs to the room and let her go in first. She was hesitant, looking in at her boy hooked up to a breathing machine, but then hurried over to the side of his bed. She looked up at the doctor, and they exchanged quick introductions.

"What's wrong with him, why can't he breathe?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"It seems to me that he has both bronchitis and pneumonia, both of which started off barely there, and were allowed to progress to the point that he's in now," the doctor explained to her. She looked down. "At some point today he broke some capillaries in his lungs and ended up with blood filled mucus starting to fill up his lungs."

"Of course, he would hold off even asking anyone for help until he's practically drowning internally… he's terrified of hospitals," she sniffed, covering her face for a minute. She sighed and looked up at him. "What can we do to get him better?"

The doctor looked at his chart and sighed. "Well, we got as much excess fluid out of his lungs as we could, and right now he's on antibiotics to try and fight off the infection. It says here that he smokes up to two packs of cigarettes a day?" he asked.

Leia glanced at Finn, who nodded. She shook her head slightly. "I guess…" she said sadly.

"Do you think you could help me by just filling out some of his medical information, Miss?" the doctor asked. "I'm going to fill out a few prescriptions for him, I'll need to know what he can and can't have."

"I can fill out my own stuff," Ben spoke up, his voice muffled by the breathing mask. The fact that he was awake made the doctor jump a bit. Leia looked over at her son as his eyes opened slowly.

"I'd better do it," she sighed, sitting in the chair next to his bed and taking the clipboard from the doctor. He pulled the mask away from his mouth so that Leia could hear him better, even as the doctor protested.

"Why, you don't think you can trust me, Mommy?" Ben teased his voice coarse and rough.

"You're going to lie about recreational drug use, you always do," she mumbled. He laughed lightly, then coughed.

"Where's Rey?" he asked, glancing over at Finn.

"At home with the kids," he explained. "I drove you here."

"Well, thanks for not letting my die, and sorry for being an inconvenience for you once again," Ben mumbled. He coughed and the doctor tried to put the mask over his mouth, but Ben pushed him back. "Don't touch me."

"I drove you here because I had to make up for all the things I said earlier," Finn told him honestly. "Rey deserves a break, and I'm being selfish by making her do everything."

Leia handed the clipboard to the doctor. "Ben, you have to stop smoking. It's not an option anymore, you have to," she told him.

He glared at her. "I'm fine," he lied, coughing as soon as he said it.

"We can send you back to Dr. Kanata, if you want," she suggested seriously.

"I don't need to go back to rehab, Mom, I'm fine," he tried again, more firmly.

"Ben, please, I don't want to outlive my son as well as my husband…" she said quietly. He growled deep in his throat and looked down. "Please, Ben…" Leia looked up at him and he saw she was crying. "I shouldn't have to worry constantly about whether you're going to develop lung cancer, or overdose on drugs or alcohol…"

"Sorry," he told her honestly. She closed her eyes and he frowned. "I'll try. Okay?" She looked back at him. "I'll make an honest effort to stop, alright? I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Ben…" Leia warned him.

"I will keep it, it won't happen right away but I'll actually stop by… June? Does June sound fine?" he tried.

Leia sighed and smiled a bit. "Alright, Ben, June is fine," she agreed.

"Um… hey, I'm just gonna step out and call Rey back real quick, alright?" Finn spoke up.

"You don't have to stick around. You should go home and be with her. It's Valentine's Day," Ben told him.

It was actually the fifteenth now, the clock said two AM, but Finn recognized that Ben was trying to be nice. So he smiled a bit. "Alright, Ben, thanks," he said. "Call if you need anything, we'll be around." With that he left to go home to Rey, even though he'd have to be back to the hospital in five hours for work.  
\---

"Can we go to the beach?" Poe asked.

Hux looked up at him. It had to be about noon, and Poe had been expressing his boredom all day. It couldn't hurt. "Sure," he agreed. Poe's face lit up.

"Really? And you'll go with me?" he pressed.

"If you'd like me to," Hux smiled.

Poe leaned over and kissed his cheek. "What beach can we go to?" he questioned.

"Anywhere in the world," he told him.

"Anywhere?" Poe chuckled.

"I'll bring you to Spain if it's where you want to go. Or Hawaii, or Brazil, or even Maine if you'd like to go there, although, I don't know why you'd want to go to Maine this time of year, I'm pretty sure there'd be snow on the ground…" Hux pointed out. "My point is, wherever you want to go, I'll make sure you get there."

Poe smiled and leaned forward, kissing him gently. "Well, here in Los Angeles it's 90 degrees and it never snows, so how about Venice Beach?" he suggested.

"I can arrange that," he agreed, kissing Poe again.

"Thanks," Poe chuckled. "I'll go get ready." He got up and hurried upstairs. Hux watched him and smiled lightly.

The last three months had been really great. Poe and he had spent Christmas and the New Year together and had celebrated it! Poe had made him get a tree and decorate the house and he had sung all the songs. Hux had never celebrated the holidays before, but he had to admit, it had been fun. Hux had met some of Poe's old friends a little a after New Year's Day and Poe had introduced him as his boyfriend! He didn't even know Poe thought of him that way, but it had given him this fluttery feeling in his stomach that he had never felt before and it made him smile. He guessed one would call it happiness. He liked the feeling, whatever it was, and he thought it was something he'd like to feel all the time. With Poe, it wasn't hard to always feel that way…

"You'd better get on something a little cooler, baby," Poe spoke up, coming back down the stairs in shorts and an unbuttoned short sleeved shirt.

"You aren't going to keep that unbuttoned out in public are you?" Hux asked with a chuckle.

Poe looked down at himself and shrugged. "I was probably gonna take it off when we got there," he admitted.

"How indecent," Hux teased, standing up and walking over to him.

"Gotta work on my tan, I'm getting a little bit pasty," he laughed, running his arms around Hux's shoulders and kissing him.

"There's nothing wrong with being pasty," he argued.

"Yeah, well, there is when you're naturally tan. When I'm pasty, I look sick," he laughed. "Go on and get something cooler on."

"Alright, but I'm grabbing you a change of clothes," he told him, going upstairs after pecking his cheek gently. Poe watched him walk upstairs and smiled as he hurried towards the kitchen. He had been really stressed out about Valentine's Day for some reason. He knew Hux wouldn't remember it, he probably didn't even know what it was, but still, he felt like he needed to show him how thankful he was for everything he had done for him, and just to make sure Hux knew how he felt about him.

He really did care for him, he was just so sweet and lovely and kind. He was convinced now that Rey and Finn hadn't given him enough of a chance, and they should just give him a second chance to show them he could be good. Even Snap and Jess had thought he was cool and good for him, they had pulled him aside when they had met Hux and had told him how perfect they were together. No one had ever said that about he and Ben. Hux had been so right, he could see that now. Ben and his relationship had been so strained and stressful. It had been unhealthy. Poe was always taking care of Ben, and Ben was in rehab for a good part of their early relationship, then they had suddenly gotten married, just so that Poe didn't have to raise his kids alone. He wasn't even sure anymore how much love has been there, they had always been so afraid, or focused on raising the kids. It was getting easier and easier by the day to let everything go and forget Ben. Of course he loved Ben… he had loved him… But now he was starting to feel a little more than head over heels for his ginger prince charming. He needed to make sure Colin knew how special he was, and how hard Poe had fallen for him. He had asked one of the maids, a girl a bit younger than him named Mary, what he could possibly get the boy who has everything. She had suggested a few things, like a watch and a book. He had gotten them, but he had taken it a step further too.

"Hey, Mary, did you get a chance to wrap those things for me?" he whispered once he got to the kitchen.

The girl looked up and smiled. "Yes sir," she told him, pulling the wrapped gifts out from a cupboard.

"Cute wrapping paper," he chuckled, taking it from her. "Thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!"

"No problem, sir," she laughed. "Oh, and he's going to love the-"

"Poe?" Hux called from near the front door. They both looked towards the kitchen door and Poe smiled.

"Yeah, I hope he does," Poe said. "Thanks again, Mary!" He hurried out to the front and smiled brightly at Hux. "Hey, one second, I'm just going to run upstairs and grab my wallet." He handed Hux two of the gifts, wanting to save the other one for later, and hurrying upstairs. He grabbed his wallet and set the present on the nightstand, hurrying back downstairs. "Alright- hey you were supposed to wait for me to get back to open them!"

"O-oh, sorry," Hux said quickly, holding the book and the watch to his chest. "B-But… no one's ever given me a gift just because. What's the occasion?"

Poe walked over to him and kissed him. "Oh, right. Well it's Valentine's Day," he explained. He paused, waiting to see if Hux would understand. When he didn't, Poe continued. "Valentine's Day is a day where you tell your significant other how much you care about them, by giving them gifts, or just by telling them."

Hux looked shocked. "Oh no, I-I had no idea, I would have bought you something!" he told him frantically. "I'm sorry, Poe, I'll have to get you something while we're out."

"You don't have to, I'll just be happy to spend time with you," Poe told him. "Do you like them?"

Hux smiled. "Yes, of course, I love anything from you," he told him.

"Good, I had no idea what to get you at first, I figured I'd get something conventional. But I have something really special for later." Poe went to the door and put on his shoes.

"What is it?" Hux asked, following him out the door.

"It's a surprise, you'll have to wait until later," Poe chuckled, waiting at the passenger side of Hux's car. He heard the door click unlock and he opened the door, getting into the car.

"Why is it a surprise?" Hux asked, getting into the driver's seat and starting the car. Poe laughed and buckled his seatbelt.

"You'll see," he laughed, leaning over and kissed his boyfriend's cheek. He felt the other man's face heat up and he sat back in his seat as they started driving.

Venice Beach was only about a thirty minute drive from Hux's mansion. They were lucky to find parking as easily as they did, since there seemed to be a lot of couples spending their Valentine's Day here. They got out and Poe stretched, looking around. "Wanna walk around, or would you rather chill in the sand for a while?" Poe asked, walking over and taking his hand. Hux smiled.

"Whatever you'd like. We could walk around in the sand if you like?" he suggested. He looked around "We could walk the beach."

"Colin," Poe said. Hux looked down at him. "There's over thirty miles of this beach."

"We can walk part of it," he corrected himself quickly. Poe laughed and put his arms around his shoulders, kissing him. "Sound good?"

"Sounds great," he agreed. "We have to stay long enough to watch the sunset though, ok?"

"As you wish, my love," Hux agreed. Poe's heart swelled and fluttered upon hearing that, and they walked down to the beach together.

They talked about a lot. About where Poe's brothers were nowadays, how Hux's dad had been remarried four times, how Poe would love to get to have his kids back, and how Hux wouldn't mind having them around if it made Poe happy. Poe would take out his phone every so often and take a selfie of the two of them, or just of the ocean.

"I would allow an exception to our deal if you'd like your two kids to come live with us," Hux spoke while Poe was being cute and taking a picture of himself with the ocean in the background. He hesitated and looked up at him.

"I-I can't do that to Ben…" he sighed, taking Hux's hand again. "He doesn't have anything else…"

"They're your children, it's your decision," he pointed out. "Do you really think he's the best person to be raising them-?"

"I don't want to talk about them right now," he cut him off. Hux looked down at him and frowned. Poe was looking down at the sand as they walked now, a bit of his bright happiness gone. Hux could see what kind of emotions just thinking about Ben caused him. It made Poe sad to think about him. He still loved him, even if it was buried deep under the falseness of his love for Hux.

"I'm sorry," he told him.

"No, I brought it up…" Poe pointed out. He looked out towards the ocean. "The sun will be setting soon. Wanna get some ice cream?"

Hux smiled a bit. "If you'd like," he agreed.

They walked over to the boardwalk and went to an ice cream stand, Poe ordering cookie dough and Hux ordering strawberry. Poe still seemed to be a bit sad, so Hux took him to the end of the boardwalk and sat them both down on a bench, looking out at the ocean. They ate their ice cream in silence for a while, watching the sun cream closer and closer behind the horizon line. Hux looked over at him. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

Poe glanced over at him. "Everything," he sighed, leaning his head on Hux's shoulder.

Hux pet Poe's hair gently. "That's a lot to think about," he said. Poe shrugged slightly. "Would it help if I told you that… I understand what love is now?" Poe looked up at him. "I-I love you." Poe just blinked at him for a minute, and that scared him. What if he didn't feel the same? Then the other man leaned and kissed him softly. Hux smiled a bit and kissed him back.

When Poe pulled away, he was smiling again. He seemed happy and content with the situation. "I love you too," he told Hux. "We should get home. I want to give you the surprise present." They finished their ice cream and stood up, walking back down the beach and watching the sunset as they went. By the time they got to Hux's car, it was dark, and Poe laughed as they got into the car. Hux gave him a questioning look as he got in, so he leaned over and kissed him deeply. "I love you."

Hux smiled and kissed him back. "I love you too, Poe," he agreed. They began the drive back to Hux's house- no, their house. It was their house. They lived there together. When they pulled into the driveway, he got out and waited to take Hux's hand before going to the door. Once they were inside, Poe brought him up the stairs and to their bedroom, grabbing the present off of the nightstand and turning on the lamp. Hux's sat down on the bed and Poe sat down next to him. Poe took a deep breath and handed the present to him.

"Open it, I'll explain as you go," he said. Hux raised an eyebrow and began peeling off the wrapping paper. "So… I love you. And I've known I love you for a few months now… a-and I know this is probably untraditional and backwards or whatever, but…" He watched as Hux paused and looked at the little box he had just unwrapped. "O-Open it…" Hux glanced at him and opened the little box, his eyes widening a bit.

"P-Poe…" he breathed.

"I want to marry you… and I want you to marry me…" he told him, pulling the two rings out of the box. "I-I wasn't sure how to do this, I-I know there are different ways. But I figured since there's not really a woman in this relationship, we should both have engagement rings. I-I took one of the rings out of your dresser so that I could have your ring sized for you, but just tell me if it doesn't fit... I-I mean that is, if you want to marry me…?"

Hux stared at the rings for a moment. "You… want to get married?" he questioned, sounding surprised. Poe looked nervous.

"Y-Yes… I love you, and I know this has been a complicated ride, but after everything we've been through, you bringing me here, getting to know you… I feel so happy here, with you. Happier than I ever felt with Ben." Hux raised his eyebrows. "I know you don't believe that, but trust me. I want to spend my life with you." Hux opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and looked at the rings again. "I-I mean, I know I'll be here anyway, but I want to-"

"Colin!"

Hux looked up at the door, a look of horror falling over his face. "What? Who is that?" Poe whispered.

"My Dad," he hissed. He stood up and put the ring on his finger. He kissed Poe gently once they were both standing. "He can't know we're together, okay? I love you, I want to get married, but just pretend for a bit that we're just friends. Please…"

"O-Okay, yeah," Poe agreed, nodding and slipping his ring on. "Of course."

"Come out after me, wait until I'm downstairs-" he started.

"Colin Armitage Hux, I know you're here!" his father called again.

"Go," Poe said quickly. Hux nodded and hurried out the door.

"Yes yes, I'm coming," he called back, hurrying down the stairs. His father was waiting in the foyer with a young woman, who couldn't be any older than Colin. He sighed. "Hello, father, I wasn't expecting you."

His father glared at him, his hair grayer than it had been the last time he'd seen him. "I know you weren't, I would have called had I wanted to let you know I was coming. What took you so long to get down here?" he questioned.

"O-Oh, I was getting ready for bed," he lied.

"You have unfinished work. Finish that before you sleep," his father told him. Colin sighed and nodded. "Where's your wife?"

Colin looked up at him. "Um… we're divorced, father," he reminded him.

"Right. The child wasn't yours so you got rid of her," he agreed. "Boy, this is my wife, Grace."

"Ah. I see," he said, a bit coldly. "When did you get married?"

"Last Friday," his father told him. "Don't be all bitter about me getting married, boy. It isn't my fault that your mother was a whore."

"Oh…" Hux glanced behind him, seeing Poe coming down the stairs, looking shocked by what he had just heard.

"Who's this?" his father asked.

"My friend Poe. That's why I was so flustered by your sudden arrival, I happen to have company," Colin explained.

"A friend? Colin you don't have friends," his father laughed. Colin looked down as his father shook Poe's hand. "Who are you, young man?"

"P-Poe Dameron, Colin's friend," Poe told him.

The man raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to humor me, I know my bastard son doesn't have friends," he chuckled, winking as if Poe was in on some big inside joke. Poe looked shocked, looking over at Colin, who had his head hung slightly in shame. He had figured Hux was exaggerating about how much his father despised him and didn't care about him, like Ben did. But this was very real. He watched the older man stand back in front of Colin. "You look the same as you did last time I saw you… still scrawny. Not from my side of the family."

"Did you come for a reason, father?" Colin asked calmly, not wanting to hear how he wasn't good enough.

"Yes, it's been several months since you got divorced, and I wanted to know when you were planning to remarry?" Colin looked surprised. "What? I still have a chance at getting a legitimate son, and if you don't get married I won't sign the company over to you. And if I have a real son before I die, my company will be signed to him."

Colin's mouth fell open. "Father!" he gasped.

"Don't raise your voice at me!" his father barked back. Colin cowered a bit. "I will sign over the company to you as soon as you have a wife, and a child on the way."

"T-That isn't how it works, your father signed the rights to you as soon as you turned eighteen-"

"I wasn't a bastard, or a skinny little freak like you!" his father said.

"B-Brendol, that isn't kind," his wife spoke up. Colin looked over at her. She was a small woman, with short blonde hair, and her accent had a slight southern twinge to it. He watched his father turn and touch her face gently. "Why do you talk to your son like that?"

"He was the biggest mistake I ever made," the older man said. He saw Poe out of the corner of his eye, looking horrified. "What, you don't like it either? Wait until you have kids of your own, even thinking about having a child outside of your marriage will sound horrible.

"I already have kids, sir. Two. A boy and a girl, born a week apart by two different mothers, and I'll have you know that I love them more than the world," he told him shortly.

"You don't have a company to run, and you don't have to worry about handing your life's work over to a mistake-"

"Jesus Christ, it isn't my fault!" Colin snapped. His father looked shocked. "I didn't ask for you to go fuck your secretary and then suddenly become sterile! I know you hate me but please, don't take out your mistakes on me! It was your stupid mistake-!" He was backhanded very suddenly and it had him stumbling back.

"It's going to be difficult to find a wife for you," his father told him calmly, although it was obvious that he was pissed. "Most women don't like brats…"

"Maybe I don't want to marry a woman, Dad! I'm already fucking engaged, actually!" Colin growled.

"To a man?" Colin froze and his face paled. "So your a horrible mistake and you're a faggot?"

"I-I-"

"Don't call him that, there's nothing wrong with liking men," Poe spoke up, standing close to Colin.

"Grace," the man said shortly. The woman jumped a bit and stepped forward. "Do me a favor, my love, and fuck the gay out of my… son." She looked shocked, and looked at Colin who looked just as shocked. "Go on."

"I-Is that really appropriate?" she asked.

"Father, that's ridiculous!" Colin tried.

"You'll do it, or you'll never run the company. Go. Now," his father demanded.

Hux looked at his father, then at Poe, then at Grace. He sighed and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards the stairs. Poe and his father watched him go, and Poe glared at the older man when they heard the upstairs door close. "You're a horrible man," he growled.

"Maybe," the man agreed. "But it sure show you how much you mean to him, doesn't it? He'd cheat on his own fiance, right in front of him just to get my company." He smirked at the way Poe's expression turned a bit sad. "Stay away from my son, boy. I have enough to worry about…" With that the man walked away towards the living room, and Poe just say down at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Colin to be done.  
\---

"Colin, I'm so sorry…" Poe said, softly, touching his hair gently as he got into bed with him. Colin shrugged him off a bit, pulling the blanket closer around him.

"I hate him. I hate him so much," he growled.

Poe lay behind him carefully. "I know, hun, I understand," he sighed.

"I want him to die. I want him to get wiped off the face of this Earth. No one will miss him," Colin continued, his voice raising a little. Poe frowned.

"H-His wife-"

"Is half a year younger than you, she married my father for money. He's fucking seventy five years old, he's overweight, he's a greedy, horrible person, she doesn't love him." He rolled onto his back. "Do you know what she told me? She says he took a fertility test and it came back and she hid it from him because it says he's sterile. For some fucking reason. I think he did drugs after I was born. But if he knew, he'd divorce her and she wouldn't have his money. What a fucking world, where someone young and beautiful marries and fucks a disgusting old man for his money…"

"Yeah, sweetie…" Poe agreed. "I can't even imagine how her father must feel… if Christina ever did something like this I would personally kill the man she was with."

"Can you personally kill my father, please? Because he's hurt me so many times?" he tsked. He turned and glared at Poe a bit. "Poe I just cheated on you and you're acting like it's perfectly fine!"

"I'm not mad. You didn't want to. And he threatened to take away the only thing you've ever worked for in life- all your life, actually, the company was the only thing he was going to give to you, and he threatened to take it," Poe said. "So I understand… I just want you to be okay…"

Colin's expression softened, and he touched Poe's cheek gently. "I worked pretty hard to get you, my love," he reminded him quietly. "That took a lot of planning and effort."

"But you won't lose me. You'll never get rid of me," Poe chuckled, leaning down and kissing him, ignoring the fact that his lips tasted like what must have been his father's wife's strawberry lipgloss.

"I love you, Poe…" Colin said it weakly, like he might cry, even though Poe highly doubted he would. "I'm not going to let him get between us. We're going to have a big wedding, it's going to be huge and beautiful, and all of your friends and family can come. As soon as my father's out of the way…" He held Poe to him in a kind of backwards spoon, closing his eyes.

Poe didn't say anything for a while, taking in what he had said. Poe wanted to have a big wedding. He wanted Finn and Rey, and Snap and Karé and Jess to be there, and his kids. And his Dad, and his brothers too. But what did he mean, when his father was out of the way? He decided to trust Colin, he knew what he was doing. He was brilliant, and he would know exactly what to do to allow them to be together. "I love you too…" he finally whispered back. It earned him a slight hug, and what felt like a kiss on the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thanks for reading, I'll get chapter 15 out asap! Don't forget to leave a comment to let me now what you think :)


	15. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update. So, I'm having a really hard time writing this story, so I might take a longish break from writing it. I will finish it eventually, but I have other things I want to work on write. So here's chapter 15 and I'll update when chapter 16 gets written, but I don't think it'll be soon, sorry...

"Hey, Finn," Rey laughed as she walked out of the car, seeing her husband sitting on the front steps of their house. "What are you doing out here? Did you leave Mikey in there all alone?"

"No. Mikey's with your Dad," Finn smiled, standing up and walking over to her. She raised an eyebrow and he kissed her. "Happy Birthday. I have a big surprise for you."

"Oh, you do?" she chuckled.

"Yeah, come inside." He pulling her towards the door, and she pulled against him a little, laughing.

"Hey, I have a surprise for you too," she told him.

"Nuh-uh, it's your birthday, I'm the one who's gotta give you the surprise," he grinned. "Cover your eyes, kay?" She sighed and nodded, covering her eyes with her hands. "Are you peeking?"

"No, Finn, just show me," she laughed, letting him lead her up the steps carefully and open the door to their house. "Can I uncover my eyes yet?"

"Uhhhh, just one second," he told her, bringing her in and closing the door behind her. He moved around her, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Okay. Open!"

"Oh my god, Finn, what-?" She took her hands off her eyes and her eyes widened, seeing almost all of her friends in their living room.

"Surprise!" they all cried.

"No… way!" she grinned, turning and covering her face, looking at Finn. "No way!"

"Yes way!" Jess cried, walking over and hugging Rey tightly, picking her up and spinning her around. Rey laughed and hugged her friend back, soon getting surrounded by people who hugged her and wished her a happy birthday. She laughed and smiled and thanked everyone, almost overwhelmed with surprise. She turned to find Finn, hurrying over to him.

"How did you do this?" she laughed, tears falling from her eyes. He kissed her and quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"It took a little work, but everyone was happy to come," he told her. "Come one, I'll get you your first legal drink."

"Oh Finn, wait-"

"No, come on," he laughed, pulling her towards the drink table.

"No, Finn, I can't drink," she said. He raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Close your eyes, it's my turn to surprise you." He chuckled and closed his eyes. She took his hand and pulled an envelope out of her purse, putting it in his hands. "Open."

He opened his eyes and laughed. "What's this?" he asked.

"Open it, dummy," she whispered, noticing that everyone was watching them.

Finn opened the envelope and pulled a piece of paper out of it, starting to read it over. He froze, his smile faltering. "W-Wait, you-" He held the paper closer to him to read it again. "N-No you…? You're...?" He covered his mouth and looked up at her, then moved his hand and grinned. "You're pregnant?" Rey smiled and nodded. He dropped the letter and pulled her into a hug, kissing her deeply. She smiled brightly and kissed him back. He pulled away and she could see the tears in her eyes. "You're serious?"

"Of course I'm serious," she laughed, wiping his tears. "Are you happy?"

"Yes, I'm happy!" he agreed, looking down and grabbing the letter off the floor. "April 10th- you just found out today?! I'm going to frame this! Can I tell everyone?!" Rey laughed and nodded. "Guys, Rey's pregnant!" Everyone had already heard, but they all cheered and hugged the couple, giving them their congratulations.  
\---

"So, uh, whatcha drinkin'?" Snap asked, motioning at Ben's cup.

Ben looked down at his cup, then at the other man. "Milk," he told him. Snap raised an eyebrow and glanced at Jess.

"Oh… ok… you're Rey's cousin, right?" Jess guessed.

"Yup," he agreed, he was glancing just behind her, at a girl across the room.

"Oh, cool…" she said. He didn't say anything else, so Snap and Jess just looked at each other awkwardly.

"What do you got in the cup?" Rey asked, bending over the side of the couch. Ben looked over his shoulder at her, holding his cup away from her, then turned slightly to face her.

"Oh. Milk," he told her. She laughed a bit.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, touching his forehead. He moved back.

"Fine," he said. "It's been two months, Rey, I'm not even sick anymore… hey, who's that girl over there? With the blue hair?"

Rey looked up. "Oh! That's my friend Jade, we were friends back in middle school. Why, you think she's cute?" she giggled.

"No… well, I mean yeah, but she keeps looking at me, I wanted to know why," he clarified.

Rey smirked. "She probably thinks you're cute," she whispered. Ben blushed and raised an eyebrow. "She's coming over, good luck."

"Hey, Rey, wait-" he hissed as his cousin hurried away.

"Hey, is it alright if I sit here?" the girl, Jade, asked as she came over to the couch.

"Uh, um, sure, go for it," he agreed nervously. She sat down next to him and smiled sweetly.

"Whatcha drinkin?" she asked.

"Vodka," he told her quickly. Snap and Jess looked at each other again. Jade smiled.

"Straight vodka?" she laughed.

"Y-Yeah… I have a problem," he chuckled, sipping from the cup. She just smiled. He pulled the cup away and set it on the table. "I'm Ben."

"Jade," she grinned, holding out her hand. He hesitated, then took it and shook it. "Ben… so you're Rey's cousin, right? You were in eighth grade when me and Rey started middle school?"

"Oh, um, yeah… I wasn't into school…" he said. "I dropped out the next year…"

"I thought you were cute," she admitted. Ben blushed. "You're cuter now, though."

"Oh. Thanks," he said uncertainly. She laughed a bit. "Do you… want my number?"

"I'd love it," she agreed, pulling out her phone out of her polka-dotted skirt and opened it. He did the same, and they handed their phones to each other, exchanging numbers. "So… do you live around here?"

"Upstairs," he answered. She raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm getting my own apartment, I actually just bought it, haven't moved into it yet. So I'm… upstairs..."

Jade played with her hair a little. "Hey… my drink's empty-" she said.

"You want me to get you a drink?" he asked quickly, grabbing his cup and draining it. "I'm empty too, I'll get you a drink."

She laughed. "You alright there, you just downed half a cup of vodka?" she pointed out.

He coughed a bit and chuckled. "Y-Yeah, it burns," he said. She laughed. "That was a bad idea." He took her empty bottle and stood up. "I'll be back." He went over to the drink table, and grabbed two bottles of beer.

"How's it going with Jade?"

Ben jumped and set one of the bottles back down, looking at Rey as she spoke. "It's- it's good, yeah," he told her. She raised an eyebrow. "Just… it's good." He grabbed the bottle again and walked over to Jade, handing her her bottle and opening his own. Rey raised an eyebrow and watched them.

"Thanks," Jade smiled. "Hey… so, you wanna show me your room upstairs?"

He hesitated, not sitting down. "Why? I don't-" he started. He froze and she raised an eyebrow. "Oh… oh." He looked around. "Yeah, sure, There's a lock… on the door." She laughed and stood up. He touched her hip and brought her towards the stairs, looking around and hurrying up the stairs with her.

Rey had been pretending not to watch her cousin. Now she hurried over to Snap and Jess who were still sitting on one of the couches. "Hey, guys," she said.

"That was, by far, the most awkward interaction I've ever witnessed," Snap said, glancing towards the stairs. "Is he okay?"

"It's complicated…" Rey sighed. "Did he, um… say what was in his cup?"

"Well, first it was milk-" Snap started.

"-but for the pretty girl it was suddenly vodka," Jess finished for him.

"Shit…" she whispered. "Alright… well, I'll keep an eye on him."

"Well, it sounds like they're going upstairs to bump some uglies, so I'd maybe not keep such a close eye on him," Jess laughed. "Hey, is Poe coming, or what?"

Rey hesitated. "It's complicated…" she sighed. "No, he isn't."

"Alright, alright," she laughed. "Hey, so, you're having a baby-"

"Another baby," Snap corrected.

"Oh, yeah, you two been busy, huh?" Jess giggled.

Rey blushed. "Jess," she chuckled lightly. "Come on…"

Ben came down the stairs suddenly, looking flustered, and hurried over to Rey. "Hey, could I go into your room real quick and borrow a condom?" he asked.

"Are you drinking?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow. His hands twitched at his sides.

"Yeah kinda," he admitted. "Can I borrow a condom?"

"Yes, please do, and you can keep it when you're done," she sighed, raising her glass of water. He gave her thumbs up and hurried back upstairs. "What a child…"

"How old is he?" Snap asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Twenty three…" she said, shaking her head. They looked surprised. "It's complicated…"  
\---

Poe got out of Hux's car and looked around nervously, fixing his jacket carefully. "Are you sure I should be here with you?" he asked, having to speak up just slightly over the loud, pounding music inside the club. Colin walked around the car to Poe's side, tossing the car keys to a young valet who was hurrying over. He could tell his fiance was nervous as well, as he was unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt and compulsively adjusting his collar. "Y-Your father really doesn't like me…"

"My father's a grown man, he can handle it," he growled back, not looking at him. Poe looked up at him sadly.

"What is this place? I've never been to this club… w-why do you think he asked you to come here?" Poe questioned.

"We own it, Poe," Hux sighed, sounding annoyed as he walked towards the building. Poe frowned and followed him. "I'm pretty sure he's not here to give me a birthday present…"

"Is it your birthday?" Poe asked, surprised. The redhead stopped and turned, looking at him with a sullen, questioning expression. "I-Is it?"

"Yes. Can you not talk so much when we're in here, it's probably important. My father probably isn't the only important person who'll be here, so just pretend we aren't together, alright?" he told him seriously. Poe gulped and nodded. He could see how tense Colin was. The man was panicking, and whether there was a specific reason for why he was so scared or not, he was having a really hard time right now. Poe put his hand on his shoulder and rubbed gently, wanting him to know that he was here for him. He moved back when Hux shrugged his hand off and gave him a look that made him think he must be the most disgusting thing the other man had ever seen. "What the hell did I just say? Act like we're friends, anyone could be around watching, and I can't be gay tonight." He went up a pair of stairs towards the door.

Poe's heart hurt hearing this. Why was Colin being so mean to him? He hadn't done anything… had he? He walked after him, grabbing his arm before he could go in. "Colin, what did I do? Why are you so mad at me?" he asked. "You're being really mean to me, I'm just trying to help."

"Last time you talked to my Dad, I had to go fuck my step-mom," he reminded him coldly. "So keep your mouth shut, Poe, please, for Christ's sake." He went to the door and went inside. Poe blinked, then frowned deeply. Fuck that…

He followed him, going past the bouncer just as Colin had. Colin had hesitated at a corner, so he stood just behind him, making sure he wasn't blocking the walkway. In front of them was a huge dance floor and a long bar. Girls in short dresses were grinding up against men with untucked, unbuttoned dress shirts, but there were some girls dancing up on other girls and guys on guys as well. There were poles scattered around the room that people were dancing up on, and couch-booths in corners and separate areas of the room that couples were seated in making out. Poe followed Colin's gaze across the room to a booth in a closed off separate area. His father was seated there, surrounded by five beautiful young women. His wife was there as well, but she was seated in a corner. Colin started walking forward, but Poe grabbed his arm.

"Hey, if you're going to be an asshole tonight, I'm just going to go enjoy myself in a club without you. I'm going to flirt with guys, I'm going to drink, and I'm going to do what I want, so fuck you," he said seriously, walking off onto the dancefloor.

Hux growled in his throat, but ignored Poe for the moment. He had more important business to deal with. He walked on the raised walkway to the area his father was in, he pushed aside the glass door and went in, immediately hearing the girls around his father giggling, and running their hands all over him. His father looked up when he saw his son. "Ah, Colin, you're here," he said. "Nice of you to join us."

Colin shut the glass door, the music from the club becoming muffled. "Father," he greeted coldly. His father pointed at the chair at the other side of the table. Colin glanced at it and walked towards it, but stood behind it.

"Having a good birthday, boy?" the older man said. Colin raised an eyebrow. "What, you think I'd forget my own son's birthday?"

"You have every year for the past twenty-five years," he pointed out.

"Twenty-six will be your lucky year, then," his father grinned. "Maybe. Girls will you leave us for a moment?" The five girls around his father stood up and went out of the room, closing the door behind them and going towards the dancefloor. "You should sit down."

"I'd prefer to stand," Colin said.

"I've got some… good news for you," his father said. Colin just stared at him expectantly. "Gracey's pregnant." Colin's face paled and he stood up straight, looking at his step-mother.

"You're fucking kidding me…" he growled. She was looking down, her hand on her stomach.

"Language," his father scolded.

"You're fucking kidding me?" he spat. "Well, did you tell him, girl?" Grace looked up, looking like she was going to cry. Colin sneered.

"Tell me what?" his father asked, looking between them.

"P-Please-" Grace tried.

"I fucked your wife, remember?" Colin laughed, putting his hands down on the table. "And I didn't use a condom. And you're a sterile." His father's eyes widened.

"How do you know that?" his father asked, shocked.

"Your bitch told me," Colin chuckled, standing up straight and walking towards the bar in the room, pouring himself a drink.

"Is this true?" Brendol asked coldly, standing up from the table. Grace tried to sputter some response over his yelling and her own tears. Colin heard a slap from behind him and heard her cry out. "Get her out of here…" Colin turned around and watched a few men take Grace out of the room and out the back door.

"Too bad for you, huh?" he chuckled. "Too bad for me…" He went over to the chair across the table and sat down, putting his feet on the table.

"Don't act so cocky, boy," his father spat, then ran a hand over his mouth.

"I'm your only heir. And it's my birthday, I should get to act a little cocky," he laughed, smirking and sipping his drink.  
\---

Poe sat down at the bar. This really really sucked… Colin was being so mean to him tonight, and he knew it wasn't justified. He probably just hadn't had enough sex lately. Poe knew he hadn't…

"Just a beer, please," he told the bartender. The man handed him a beer, which he started sipping slowly while he thought. Ben would be pulling him onto the dancefloor with him… he thought, at least, they had only gone clubbing once and that's what he had done. He missed Ben so much right now. He wouldn't be mean to him like Hux… except he would. Ben was an asshole too… he really needed a better taste in men.

"You drained that pretty fast, man, rough night?" Poe looked next to him and saw that a tall, black haired man had come and sat next to him. Poe blushed a bit, but smirked.

"More like rough life," he chuckled. He shifted the way he was sitting to face the other man. He noticed through the man's slightly unbuttoned shirt that he was very muscular. He glanced up at the man's face and realized he was biting his own lip. He quickly let it go and chuckled, leaning on the bar. "Do you usually come onto guys by asking about their hard times?"

"I don't come onto guys too often, if you'll believe it. Only the hot ones," he told Poe.

"I see… who said I was interested?" Poe teased.

"The way you were just checking me out says it all," the man grinned.

Poe laughed a bit. "So, hot stuff, you gonna buy me a drink or what?" he asked. The man laughed as well and ordered two whiskeys.

As they drank their drinks together, Poe found out the man's name was Ryan. They talked about how Ryan worked as a teacher at one of the local high schools, and how Poe wasn't currently working. "What do you do all day with your cute self, then?" he asked, leaning against the counter and starting his second drink.

Poe sighed and glanced up at the closed off area Hux was in. He looked back at the man. "Honestly… I'm engaged to a really rich guy…" he admitted.

Ryan hesitated, but nodded. "But you're not happy with the relationship?" he guessed. Poe gulped and shrugged.

"I don't think so…" he agreed. He told him about his kids, and how he had been with Ben, and how he had loved him, but now both of them seemed like terrible people and he didn't know what to do anymore.

"Why don't you call it off with your fiancé?" he suggested.

"H-He'd get really mad… and I don't know if I could risk losing someone's love… I'm just so afraid to be unloved, and without him I'll have no one…" Poe explained. He blushed darkly. "Jesus… sorry, that was way too much information…"

"I asked," Ryan pointed out, then nodded slowly. "Well, Poe, I don't think you'll have any problems finding someone to love you, to be honest," he told him with a smile. Poe glanced at him and smiled, going back to his second whiskey, accidentally draining it. Ryan watched him. "Has anyone ever told you that you're extraordinarily beautiful?"

Poe looked at him, his face a bit flushed from the alcohol and the attention. "I might have heard it once or twice," he teased gently. The man smiled lovingly at him and Poe couldn't help but swoon. He needed someone like this right now. "You wanna come dance with me?"

"I'd love to." He stood up and held out his hand. Poe stood up and took the man's hand, letting himself get lead to the dancefloor. The song was somewhere in the middle, and Ryan kept his hand on Poe's as they began dancing. It was an upbeat dance song, and Poe smiled up at him, putting his hand on his shoulder, moving his hips in time with the beat. He was pressed up close to him due to the crowd, but neither of them minded. Ryan's hands found their way to Poe's hips, and turned him around so that Poe was now grinding up on him, and Ryan's lips were brushing up against Poe's neck. Poe leaned against him and shifted his hips in a way that made Ryan suck in a breath.

The song transitioned to a heavy trap dance song and Poe smirked, pulling away from the man slightly. He turned around and leaned up to talk to him. "Wanna see something sexy?" he asked.

"I've been looking at something sexy, honey," he laughed. Poe giggled.

"Wanna see something sexy do something sexy?" he corrected. Ryan nodded and Poe let go of him, waltzing over to one of the poles, climbing up to the platform so that he was above the dancers. He pulled off his shirt and threw it aside, watching Ryan's reaction. Some people below him cheered, and he grinned. Obviously he had gotten more than just the attractive man's attention.  
\---

Hux watched Poe climb onto the pole and throw his shirt and had stood up, walking over to the glass window to watch him dance.

"Your boyfriend?" his father guessed.

"Mmm…" Colin agreed, watching Poe slide his ass down the pole.

"An attractive young man. He's sure to find someone better than you," he heard his father tell him. He just hummed. Poe had his leg wrapped around the pole and he was grinding against it. "I think I've found you a good wife, boy."

"Have you?" Colin growled. Poe was dancing for was someone who wasn't him. He turned around and grabbed the pole, rolling his hips with the music, pulling his belt off and draping over a man's shoulders. Hux had never seen the black haired man in his life, but he wanted to kill him.

"Your fourth cousin, Jullianne. From Ireland?" his father reminded him. He was watching his son watch that slut he cared so much for. "I'll divorce Grace. I don't need her if she's having your baby."

"Do it, I don't give a damn," Colin grumbled. Poe had just climbed off the pole and was now dancing up against the black haired man, running his arms over his shoulders and-"

"Boy!" His father stood up as Colin punched the glass window and cracked it.

Poe was fully making out with the man, running his fingers through his hair and letting the man touch his ass. They paused on the dance floor, then moved through the crowd together towards the entrance. "I'll pay for it…" Colin said shortly. His father backhanded him, and he shoved him back. "Lay a hand on me again, I fucking dare you!"

"Excuse me?!" his father gasped. "You ignorant, miserable little failure!" Colin pulled his gun out of his waistband and pointed it at his father's head, pulling the trigger.

As soon as his father collapsed, the security guards in the room hurried over and began picking up the body. "You remember what I told you to do with the body," he said, his voice dark.

"Throw it in the river, sir," one of them said.

"Give me the cane," Hux told them. They handed him his father's cane, and Hux opened the top, pulling out a rolled up piece of paper.

The will read that his heir would be given his silver ring with the emerald embedded in it, and a snake carved into the inside. He knelt down next to the body and pulled said ring off of his finger, putting it on his own. "Take the body now," he demanded, standing up. The men took the body out through the back, and he pulled out his lighter, burning the will in his hand until it was ash in the carpet. It was just a copy anyway.

He walked out of the room, through the glass door and down the walkway towards the entrance. He had finally done it. It was covered, there was already a cover to keep him out if the suspect list. It was done, and has gone flawlessly. It was perfect.

Well, almost.

He got into his car, setting his cane into the seat where Poe was supposed to be sitting. Poe was supposed to be here, celebrating with him. But he was being a little whore and going to hook up with some clubber. He was going to pay dearly for this…  
\---

"Fuck that was incredible…" Poe breathed, laying his head back on the pillows and closing his eyes for a moment.

Ryan kissed the back of his neck and ran his hands up his sides, humming in agreement. "You've got an incredible ass…" he told him. Poe laughed gently, feeling Ryan fall next to him and wrap his arms around his waist, pressing himself behind him. "You're perfect, Poe…."

"Hardly…" Poe sighed, cuddling back against him.

"There's not one thing about you I don't like," Ryan told him, his voice light and sleepy. Poe smiled, loving the feeling of someone holding him. He felt so warm and safe…

"Can I just stay here with you forever?" he yawned quietly.

"I'd like that…" Ryan told him quietly against this neck. He sat up a bit and Poe looked at him. "But you're engaged."

"Oh…" Poe said quietly. "I-I don't ever want to go back to him…"

"Call the other guy?"

Poe hesitated, then sat up. "Can I use your phone?" he asked. Ryan smiled and handed him his phone. Poe thanked him and got up going into the other room. He called Ben's cell phone number.

His heart sank a bit when it went to voicemail, but at least he'd get to tell Ben that he was okay. "Hey Ben…" he started. "It's Poe… I know this is probably a surprise, but, I had the chance to call and I took it. I'm calling from a friend's phone, so you can't reach me from this number. I'm sorry… I miss you… I-I miss you so much… I didn't realize how much I miss you until right now…" He felt tears fall down his cheeks, and he sniffed. "Me and Hux are engaged… it was my idea… Ben I think I'm going insane… it's just him constantly… and he's so charming and good… until he's not… and then I'm scared… and I just want you… p-please save me Ben… I feel so trapped and alone…"

Poe realized he was crying. "It's been about a year now. For most of it I've seen no one except him, and I can't… please, Ben, I love you…" He wiped his eyes. "I-I love you Ben…. I'm so sorry… I know you'll never be able to come and get me… I'm sure you've found a nice person who knows just how to care for you and our kids… I hope they're safe, and happy and loved, Ben, I know whoever you choose to be with, you'll put our babies first…" He slid down the wall until he was sitting. "I wish I could see how much they've grown… I wonder what you look like. I wonder if you've changed at all… I remember how much I love you… and everything else is so hard to keep in my head… your face is fading away, and it scares me. I can't remember what my kids look like, either… I can't handle this…" He shook his head. "I love you, Ben. So much. I'll love you forever, for the rest of my life… I don't know how much more of this I can live through though, to be honest…" He wiped his eyes. "I love you. I'll see you one day, my love, I know I will… bye Ben." He quickly hung up and covered his face. He felt someone take the phone gently and a blanket was wrapped over his shoulders. He looked up at Ryan and put his arms around his shoulders, hugging him.

"I'm making you some tea, okay?" the man said gently. Poe nodded into his shoulders. "Um, so Poe… I live in New York… I was teaching in this area temporarily… and I have to go back tomorrow." Poe let go of him a bit and looked at him sadly. "I'm really sorry… I wish I could see you again…"

"T-That's alright… I understand…" he said quietly. "Just… thank you. So much." Ryan smiled a bit and kissed his head. Poe watched him stand up and held the blanket to himself, putting his head on his knees and sobbing quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Well, there it is. Sorry to leave it at this, I'll continue as soon as I can. Let me know what you think, and continue to follow the story, because I plan on finishing it eventually, I promise! Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Seeing as these chapters are quite long in comparison to some of my previous stories, the time between updates may be longer. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, comment/review your thoughts/opinions, and thank you very much for reading!


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